


If You'll Let Me

by darklesmylove



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: (smexy), Chanel gowns nbd, F/M, I did so much research for this fuckin fic you bitches, I shit all over mal in this, I threw a little alexei in there because why not, More slow burn, Oops, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, So Much Sexual Tension, Some Fluff, University AU, a lot of swearing oops, aleks is a lovesick manipulative asshole, alina is a senior in college, alina is kind of a sass monster, also aleks is still an asshole, also she and aleksander are super smart, and you're in the alarkling tag so, appreciate it pls, because for some reason my dumb ass made aleks a world renowned neuroscientist, but it will be worth the torture, but nikolai is a fucking mood so dont come for my baby, but not as much as I would like, but really he sucks ass why tf do people like him, did I mention that nikolai is a rich ass trust fund baby, dont hate me for bringing that word back its true, finally got my lazy ass to post this, heya guys what up, its my fault really, legit I was thinking last night of how I could make this into an ot3 fic, like hella slow burn after the first chapter, like so much swearing that I came and added it into my tags OOPS, like you'll be so dehydrated, making out against bookshelves, more alarkling fuck yea, more than I do for school, naturally, ngl there's a lot more nikolina in this fic than the last one, nikolai is my baby and it hurts, nikolina is strong in this one, professor morozova is ready to slay your asses, sadly it won't work but ill make it happen eventually people, so if you like him at all be warned, some casual neuroscience thrown in there, thats not new, the science is real though so, they all go to harvard, throwing those cliches in there like nobody business, ummm what else, we live for it, you love me though, zoya's not really in this sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2019-08-27 23:31:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 51,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16712089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darklesmylove/pseuds/darklesmylove
Summary: "Miss Starkov, are you aware of how distracting you are in my class?"My lips parted open, frozen as he turned around, bracing himself against the edge of his desk and leaning back slightly. His quartz eyes glimmered as he evaluated every inch of me in a painfully obvious manner, as if he were reading me like I was words on a page. I forced myself to speak. "I-I'm so sorry I came in late, but I have perfect attendance sir, this has never happened before and I'm a very dedicated student," I stumbled over my words frantically, my throat painfully tight in fear. He laughed, a dry, raspy chuckle that shut me up almost immediately. "That's not what I was referring to, Alina," he hummed, the sound of my name rolling off his tongue sending goosebumps down my arms. It was almost... seductive.a harvard university au in which alina is a senior in college and professor morozova takes an interest in herlong au because I don't know how to do short onesupdates on sundays more or less :)





	1. you intrigue me

**Author's Note:**

> hey whats up homies welcome back to my channel 
> 
> this chapter is kinda short. but. this was my way of motivating myself to kick my ass in gear and write more. updates will not be regular probably until mid december ish? that's when my finals end so I'll be able to focus on this monster of an au. but I'll probably update at least once over the next two weeks. don't quote me on that. 
> 
> anyways welcome on this journey lots of hugs to you all 
> 
> enjoy <3
> 
> (omg i got so happy writing that even if its only been like two weeks since heart of darkness ended)

"Shit, _shit_!"

I cursed myself between ragged pants as I sprinted up the entirely too grand flight of stairs towards the lecture hall, paper threatening to fly out of my hands with every step I took. "Fuck you, stupid phone, setting the stupid alarm for P.M. instead of A.M," I groaned, slowing down at the sight of the closed classroom door. I could hear the sounds of the class having already started, the telltale soft clicking of keyboards as students took notes. Gritting my teeth, I fumbled for my phone amidst the mess of papers and notebooks I had clutched in my arms, thumbing over the power button to check the time.

9:37.

Of all the classes I had to be late for, it had to be this one, _fucking neuroscience with Professor Morozova_. He was infamous for being a stone cold asshole, which happened to include his lack of tolerance for late students. And yet despite that I knew I had to risk going in, I couldn't miss even a single lecture or I would most surely fall behind. 

_Seven minutes late wasn't that bad, right?_

Anticipation zipped through my veins. I grasped the cool handle of the heavy wooden door, a shaky breath leaving my lips before I promptly pushed it open. The door hinges squealed obnoxiously, immediately making me cringe as every head turned to look at me as I stepped inside. 

Silence fell over the room. 

Professor Morozova, in all of his startlingly attractive glory, was regarding me silently with hard, silver eyes. I shifted anxiously on my feet, my palms growing clammy with a cold sweat. "Miss Starkov, see me after class," he finally broke the silence, his cool voice betraying not even a hint of emotion. After a long, painful moment, he turned back around, allowing me to let go of the breath I didn't even know I was holding. Quickly, I fell into a seat, scrambling to open my notebook and proceeding to scribble down anything and everything I could see already on the board as he finished writing out the complicated equation he had previously started.

My fingertips were tingling with nervous energy. It seemed I had dodged a bullet, yet with every passing minute, the sense of anxiety that was hanging over me only increased. He wanted to see me after class. _Alone_. Despite his breathtakingly attractive exterior and relatively young age for teaching at a college, Professor Morozova was one of the most intimidating individuals I had ever seen in my life. Even so, girls threw themselves at him as if he was the last man on earth, signing up for his class even when they had no qualifications or prerequisites to enroll just so they could get the opportunity to talk to him. Never mind that those conversations were usually the mere detached interaction of him kicking them out without a second glance their way. A shaky exhale left my lips at the thought. Was he going to kick me out?

I startled when the lead of my pencil snapped, spattering flecks of graphite across my notes. I had been pressing the tip of it so hard against the paper in my nervousness that it had broken. 

"Class dismissed."

My head shot up. 

_Fuck, how had it possibly been an hour already?_

My heartbeat was pounding in my ears, I slowly gathered my papers, shuffling them into an organized stack as slowly as humanly possible. One by one, the other students trickled out of the class, some of them giving me sympathetic looks as they passed. And then it was just the two of us, me and one of the most attractive men I had ever laid eyes on, alone in the expansive lecture hall. His back was to me as I quietly ascended down the risers of seats, my grip painfully tight around my notebooks. I stopped a safe distance away from him, my teeth latching onto my lower lip when he still didn't turn around, preoccupied with looking through stacks of reports. "Professor, I'm really sorry I was late today-" I began, my breath hitching when he abruptly cut me off.

"Miss Starkov, are you aware of how distracting you are in my class?"

My lips parted open, frozen as he turned around, bracing himself against the edge of his desk and leaning back slightly. His quartz eyes glimmered as he evaluated every inch of me in a painfully obvious manner, as if he were reading me like I was words on a page. I forced myself to speak. "I-I'm so sorry I came in late, but I have perfect attendance sir, this has never happened before and I'm a very dedicated student," I stumbled over my words frantically, my throat painfully tight in fear. He laughed, a dry, raspy chuckle that shut me up almost immediately. "That's not what I was referring to, _Alina_ ," he hummed, the sound of my name rolling off his tongue sending goosebumps down my arms. It was almost... _seductive_. The familiar detached indifference he taught and interacted with had morphed into something else entirely, something almost hungry. My mouth was painfully dry. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, professor," I responded evenly, resisting the urge to retreat backwards a step. He tilted his head to the side slightly, his dark curls falling into his eyes at the movement.

An expression that could only be described as a smirk tugged upwards at the corner of his lips.

I felt my knees grow weak.

"I'm referring to you, Alina," he murmured, "Sitting there every day in the back of my class with this perfect guise of innocence, as if you don't know what you're doing. _You_ distract me, Alina, every last inch of you."

The most beautiful person I had ever laid eyes on somehow had an interest in me. Professor Morozova, the man that every last girl in this whole damn college lusted after.

There was a strong possibility of me passing out in that moment.

"I'm not sure what you're insinuating, sir," I breathed, trying and failing not to notice the way his biceps flexed as he pushed himself off of the edge of his desk, standing up to his full, towering height. "I'm not insinuating, anything, Alina," he spoke conversationally despite the lustful glint to his eye, "I am telling you that I want you. I'm intrigued by you. You're exceedingly intelligent and beautiful, yet you haven't attempted to even speak with me once since the semester began." The way he was looking at me was dizzying. He took a step towards me. This time, I gave into the reflex to retreat away from him. He was my professor, there was no way I could let this happen, I could only barely afford Harvard now, and I was _already_ on scholarship. Losing that money was not an option, and not even Professor Morozova could get in the way of that.

I squared my shoulders slightly, looking up and meeting his gaze. His lips were turned into a look of bare amusement. "Professor Morozova, this is really inappropriate, I'm sure someone of your level of attractiveness can find a woman to date that's not his student," I asserted softly. The smirk deepened. "So you do think I'm attractive," he nodded to himself in mock thoughtfulness. A hot blush flared at my cheeks. _What the hell was going on?_

"If you don't need anything else from me, sir, I'm going to go now," I attempted a thin smile that most likely looked like something closer to a pained grimace. He said nothing, gesturing lazily to the door in invitation. That mouth watering look still adorned his lips, he was regarding me not as if I had just flat out rejected him, but like I had just done exactly what he had wanted. And that was somehow unbearably infuriating. I seethed as I turned on my heels, stomping up the stairs, knowing full well that he was staring at me intently all the way. Just as I reached the door, my fingers brushing over the metal doorknob, his voice rang through the hall, impassive and cool.

"Miss Starkov."

I turned, meeting his gaze with narrowed eyes. He coldly smiled in return.

"Don't be late to my class again."


	2. just what i wanted to hear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is up much later than i intended and im sorry, i forgot how much i hate editing my own writing ew. what i really want to do is just delete everything ive ever written because im so cringe but instead i decided to put this chapter up and wallow in my self loathing instead. sorry for the subpar quality. 
> 
> my finals are next week! yay! just thought you should know (am i okay im not sure everything im writing right now is just word vomit)
> 
> okay well enjoy maybe haha

My eyes burned as I squinted at the scrawled equations of my molecular chemistry homework, the numbers and letters blurring more and more on the page the longer I stared at them. My mind couldn't seem to stray from the conversation with Professor Morozova, the alluring glint of his eyes, the sexual twist of his lips. There was something so utterly wrong in the way he looked at me, as if he was a starving man that had set eyes on his last meal. My skin crawled.

"Okay, Alina, spill."

I startled, my heartbeat quickening in surprise at the sound of my roommate Genya's voice. "How long have you been there?" I breathlessly asked, turning around in my chair to see her peering at me over her magazine on her bed. She snorted, flipping the next glossy page over, "An hour. Now what is it, your brooding is making me anxious." My teeth latched onto my lower lip. Yes, Genya was my best friend, but this whole situation? This was something else entirely. I rested my elbows over the back of my chair, actively avoiding her intent gaze. "Alina," she groaned in mild annoyance, I registered the sound of her throwing down her magazine onto her comforter. Finally I looked up, reluctantly meeting her amber eyes. She raised a perfectly manicured brow expectantly.

"Fine, but you can't tell a soul," I let out a heavy exhale, making her grin mischievously in response. "Come on, Alina, I'm your best friend, you can trust me," she winked, tossing her glossy red curls over her shoulder. My fingernails dug into my palms, pinpricks of pain tingling faintly as they sliced into my skin. "I was late to Professor Morozova's class this morning," I cleared my throat. "Mmmm, what a sexy man," she sighed, a dreamy smile adorning her lips, "If only he wasn't a stone cold asshole."

Well, she wasn't wrong.

She caught sight of my pained expression, her smile quickly fading. "Did he throw you out? Was he mean to you? I swear to god I'll go kick his ass," she fumed, slamming her fist into the middle of her pillow for emphasis. A dry laugh escaped my lips, quickly dying out as I took a deep breath.

"No, Genya," I hesitated, my eyes tightly shutting, "He... came onto me."

I was met with silence.

Slowly, I cracked my eyelids open to assess her reaction. Her jaw was practically on the floor, something wicked glimmering in her disbelieving stare. "Alina fucking Starkov, how did you do it?" she shouted playfully, throwing her pillow at my head, which I barely avoided. "Genya, I didn't _do_ anything," I groaned, hiding my flushed face in my hands, "He asked to see me after class and then suddenly he was saying how distracting I was, that he was distracted by _me_ , and then somehow I admitted I thought he was attractive, and it was all so embarrassing and I rejected him then left." Genya was gaping once again, a scoff of incredulity leaving her mouth.

"You _rejected_ him?"

I nodded, I couldn't help but laugh more genuinely this time as she dramatically threw herself onto her back on the bed. "What the hell, Alina, every girl in this fucking school would die to be you, you're insane," she marveled, shaking her head slightly. "Well maybe that's the reason why he's interested in me then," I mumbled, crossing my arms indignantly. Her head lifted from the mattress, she evaluated me with an eager, curious stare. "Did he try to kiss you?" she questioned. My cheeks heated immediately, flushing pink at the thought of his rosy, perfectly sculpted lips. "He didn't, he didn't even touch me," I bit down on my lower lip, "He didn't even have to. He's just... so fucking sexy, just him looking at me was equivalent to all of that. More even."

She nodded furiously in agreement, a smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth. "You have to fuck him, Alina."

I narrowed my eyes in disapproval. "Don't you have a moral compass? That's so inappropriate, Genya." She snorted.

"Compasses break. Especially for men like Morozova."

***

I picked listlessly at my food, nausea keeping me from actually putting a single bite into my mouth. Though I was at breakfast surrounded by friends, I had never felt more isolated in the context of my thoughts. All I could focus on was Professor Morozova's class that was starting in less than an hour.

How was I going to act? How would _he_ act? Was he going to pretend like nothing had happened? Would I?

"Alina, my dearest, I'm going to have to ask you to stop looking miserable, it's really a downer for the rest of us."

I narrowed my eyes at Nikolai, who was grinning at me like the too clever fox that he was. "I don't remember asking for your opinion on my mood, _Nikolai_ ," I raised a brow playfully, making Genya snicker. "What's wrong, Alina, you do look even more miserable than usual," Alexei tilted his head to the side in a teasing manner. "I don't look miserable," I protested, looking to Tolya and Tamar for confirmation. They shook their heads, a frown creased my lips at their betrayal. "Out with it," Tamar prodded, poking me in my side with her fork. My hands quickly grew clammy with sweat as all of them stared at me expectantly. I was a disastrously bad liar, but there was no possible way I could admit the truth to all of them. Particularly Nikolai, who had the biggest mouth I had ever seen.

"I was late to Professor Morozova's class on Monday and I'm just nervous to go back," I cleared my throat softly, averting my eyes as I pushed a piece of lettuce around my paper plate. There was a moment of brief silence. "Morozova is a pretentious asshole, everyone knows it," Nadia mumbled through a mouthful of food, "The only reason he gets away with it is because he's so devastatingly good looking." I sighed in quiet relief as the rest of the table nodded sympathetically. Nikolai, on the other hand, let out a loud scoff, looking especially affronted. "I too, am devastatingly good looking, you don't see me going around being an asshole," he gestured to his face for emphasis. I rolled my eyes. "You're way more of an asshole than you'll ever admit, Nikolai," Genya snorted. Snickers ensued.

The laughter at the table was short lived, quickly dying down as everyone's eyes suddenly moved to fasten on something behind me. Dread made my mouth go dry.

"Alina, can I talk to you?"

My eyes closed tightly at the distinct sound of Mal's voice.

Today was turning out to be a spectacularly awful day already.

"What, Mal?" I opened my eyes, turning around and flashing him the most passive aggressive of smiles. I felt Nikolai stiffen at my side, he fixed a glare on my ex boyfriend that was very well the equivalent to murder.

Mal looked especially hungover, eyes bruised and hair messy, his clothes rumpled and stained. He reeked of the bitter smell of alcohol.

"I didn't mean for it to happen, okay? She came onto me first," he dully explained, his words slightly slurred.

So not hungover then, just completely wasted at nine in the morning. Classy Mal, as always.

"She came onto you first and then you went and fucked her," I shook my head, my mouth thick with anger, "Now leave. You're ruining my breakfast." He looked taken aback, as if he couldn't even comprehend that I had rejected his bullshit explanation for cheating on me. "Alina-" he began again, only to be quickly cut off by Nikolai. "She said to leave her alone, I would do that if I were you," Nikolai warned, any signs of his normal, playful humor vanished. The intensity of the glares my friends were collectively giving him was almost heartwarming. Mal huffed, giving me one last, lingering look before turning away, trudging back the way he came.

"Piece of shit," Genya muttered.

For the first time that morning, the misery weighing heavily on my shoulders seemed a little lighter.

"Thanks guys," I smiled wryly, my eyes casting down to the table. They all knew dealing with Mal had been increasingly hard for me considering I had been in love with him my whole entire life. "Hey, what are friends for, besides dealing with shitty ex boyfriends," Alexei laughed.

Genya grinned. "Cheers to that my friend."

***

This time, I was 15 minutes early to class. Too early, it seemed, seeing as when I walked into the lecture hall there was only two other students in the room. The second I entered I felt the heat of Professor Morozova's stare on me, warmth washing over my skin. I stubbornly refused to look at him as I found a chair at the very back, practically throwing my bag onto the floor and slumping down into the seat sullenly. His eyes were still on me, making my skin prickle with uncomfortableness as I got out my notebook and pens, flipping to a new, crisp white sheet of notebook paper and penciling out the date on the top. A sigh of relief escaped my body as I registered the sound of the doors opening, more students flooding into the room at steadily increasing numbers. I immediately felt it when his stare averted, it felt like I could breath again. When I looked up, the air left my lungs almost reflexively.

How could a human being look so _good_?

His suit jacket was off, his sleeves rolled up and cuffed at his elbows. He was wearing glasses today, somehow making him look even better than when I had last seen him. My gaze shamelessly roved over his lean physique, my mouth going dry. He was a far cry from Mal, that was for sure. Morozova was everything Mal was not. Mal was good looking, but this man was _perfection_. Morozova was intelligent, sexy, mature, while Mal was dumber than a bag of rocks and possessed the maturity of a 12 year old boy. At _best_.

I shook my head slightly, mentally scolding myself. Professor Morozova, no matter how attractive he was, was off limits. He was my teacher, I couldn't possibly threaten my whole future for this one man.

My lips pulled into a frown, my mood souring.

"Today we are focusing on the specialization of emotions through neurobiology."

The sound of Professor Morozova's voice was enough to immediately quiet the hundreds of students, despite him barely raising the volume from his normal decibel. My fingers tightly gripped at my pencil, poised over my paper. "Your grade for today will be based on your participation in discussion," he continued, walking back and forth with lazy steps. I almost groaned aloud. Maybe I would just take the fail and escape while I still could.

"Emotions manifest in different areas of the brain, subsequently eliciting varying bodily responses to said emotions," he tilted his head slightly, almost bored as his eyes scanned the room. "Tell me, what neurological effects does anger have, Dubrov?" I couldn't help the wicked twist of my lips as one of Mal's best friends paled considerably at the question directed specifically to him. There was a moment of drawn out silence. "Bad ones?" Dubrov cringed, quickly wilting under Morozova's withering stare. I rolled my eyes when he said nothing, merely marking something in the manilla folder balanced in his hand in a rather dramatic manner. His languorous pacing resumed, gaze flickering around the room.

A sense of dread quickly grew in the pit of my stomach as his eyes landed on me.

"Alina," his eyebrow arched the slightest measure, as if in challenge, "Tell me, what parts of the brain are activated by lust?"

My mouth dropped open. "Excuse me?"

He folded his arms over his chest loosely, his lips curling in a slightly taunting manner, "Sexual desire, Miss Starkov. Are you familiar with that concept?" A smattering of laughs at my expense scattered through the crowd of students. My cheeks burned with something between anger and embarrassment. I quickly answered through gritted teeth. "The insula and striatum, though the hypothalamus is what releases the dopamine and norepinephrine chemicals that encourage the body to pursue those urges."

He studied me openly, making my body grow warm. Finally, he nodded.

"Very good, Alina. Just what I wanted to hear."

The subtle insinuation was painfully clear to no one but myself. I shot him a particularly nasty glare when he turned his back to me, moving on to interrogate the next unlucky student.

I had been right earlier, this had been the textbook definition of a spectacularly awful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	3. how do you like yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished writing out my take home final and I finished this and another prompt and I feel so productive YES love myself self love is key @ you know who you are 
> 
> ummm what else i got air pods and they are SWEET just thought you'd like to know
> 
> I have so much caffeine in my body rn hence the rambling
> 
> so that it I guess enjoy <3

"Should we show her?"

Genya and Nadia were giggling over her phone, shooting me looks of smug excitement that I was paying minimal attention to. I stuck out my tongue, but continued to work on typing out my mind numbing dissertation with little enthusiasm. Whatever they were up to, this was most definitely more important, especially considering I had 12 more pages to write and it was due in three days. I managed to get through two more sentences before Genya spoke again. "Alina," she called my name in a singsong manner, "I think we have something that you'll want to see." A sigh escaped my lungs in mild exasperation. "Fine," I grumbled, slamming the lid of my laptop closed and promptly launching myself off of my bed straight into Genya's. Nadia let out something like a squeal, offering her phone to me immediately. I cuddled into the impossibly soft shag throw draped strategically over the end of the bed before taking it from her, my eyes fastening to the screen.

Professor Morozova's picture was staring back at me.

"What the hell, Genya? Did you tell her?" I gasped in disbelief, looking between her and the Facebook profile repeatedly. Nadia grinned, "Yes, she told me all about your little crush. Don't worry, every single girl enrolled in Harvard is obsessed with him. Probably the other professors too." My eyes flickered to Genya, who gave me a pointed look. So she hadn't _actually_ told Nadia the truth, just enough to get some assistance with her scheming. "I just needed some help finding him on the internet so we could stalk him," Genya flashed me a knowing smirk, very well aware I couldn't possibly object without having to reveal the real truth behind her lie. Slowly, my gaze dropped back down to the phone screen. "His first name is Aleksander," Nadia chimed in excitement as I scrolled through his profile.

Aleksander Morozova.

27 years old.

Graduated from Princeton.

Neuroscientist.

Professor at Harvard.

Lasker Award and Nobel Prize winner.

There was very little personal information on the profile, even fewer pictures. Many of those few were presumably from various prestigious science related events seeing as he was in expensive suits or tuxedos. I bit down on my lower lip, scrolling farther down. A couple with pictures with friends. And then finally, at the very end of the feed, a picture of him with a little black fluffy puppy. I cooed, showing the picture to Genya and Nadia who responded similarly. "He's really something, too bad no girl can seem to lock that shit down," Nadia sighed, snatching her phone back from my hands and proceeding to lovingly stroke the screen.

I felt a pang of jealousy flicker in my chest, quickly pushing it away in disgust. I had no claim on him, I wasn't even remotely _close_ to being involved with him.

"Well, its been fun," I smiled wanly, pushing myself up off of my elbows and sliding off of the bed, my feet sinking into Genya's plush rug. "Wait, Alina, do you want to come to a frat party tonight," Genya asked, thumbs flying across her phone as she presumably answered a text. My lips twisted, I glanced over at my closed laptop laying innocently atop my pillow. "I have a paper to write," I sighed, eliciting two equally annoyed groans at my response. "All you do is work Alina, give yourself a break," Nadia tilted her head, pouting her bottom lip and batting her eyelashes. I could go, get drunk, possibly bump into Mal. Or I could finish my paper and get a good grade. Bonus, no hangover.

"Sorry guys," I shook my head, "Duty calls."

***

"Nikolai, you are seriously the most annoying person on the face of the earth."

Of course, my words were accompanied by a begrudging smile, a laugh escaping my lips as my head tilted back slightly. "I feel honored to have that official title bestowed upon me, how can I ever thank you Alina Starkov," Nikolai winked cheekily, throwing his arm over my shoulders and pulling me into his side as we strolled down the busy city street. He had come to my dorm and insisted I take a break from work to get coffee with him and it hadn't taken much prodding for me to agree. "Don't get too handsy there, Lantsov," I raised a brow, flicking at his forearm. He mirrored the expression in challenge, his hand sliding down my side and squeezing my waist pointedly. Despite my quip, I was grateful to have the added warmth, the October weather was wicked in its chill.

"Tell me, Starkov, is it as hard to suppress your undying love for me as it looks?" he asked, sandy hair falling into his eyes as he looked down at me with a lopsided grin. I rolled my eyes, lightly shoving my elbow in his side.

Curiously, Nikolai was another name scratched on the list of exceedingly good looking men that had expressed interest in me before. Maybe the tired, bruised bags underneath my eyes somehow hypnotized them all into finding me attractive. "In your dreams," I teased, snickering as he mimed being stabbed in the chest in response, making dramatic noises insinuating a rather painful death. "You hurt me, truly," he wiped away an imaginary tear. I held his gaze, an amused smile tugging at the corner of my mouth, our steps slowing down slightly. His crooked grin faded, something else entirely quickly filling the air between us.

The sound of his alarm broke the spell, he cleared his throat awkwardly before sliding his arm out from around my waist and fishing his phone out of his coat pocket. I watched with mild concern as he turned the alarm off, his eyes widening a slight fraction in realization before he looked up at me. "I have class in ten minutes," he paled. "You skip all the time, Nikolai," I snorted, stuffing my hands into my pockets as wind whipped through my hair, sending a shiver down my spine. "My father is the guest speaker today, he will bury me alive if I'm not there," he groaned, pressing his face into his hands. Yes, of course, Nikolai's father, the CEO of Lantsov industries and famous Harvard alumni, was speaking to the business department today, I had heard no end about it around the school. I resisted the snarky comment at the tip of my tongue, instead gesturing towards the distant Harvard campus, "Well, it's a ten minute walk. Less if you run, mister trust fund." He glowered at what had become my favorite nickname for him, glancing at his watch. "I'm sorry to abandon you, my love, but I must be going now, so farewell," he grabbed my hand, placing a fleeting kiss against the back of it before promptly sprinting off in the direction of campus. I watched him in amusement, his coat and scarf flying in the breeze as he ran down the street, quickly disappearing from my line of sight when he rounded the corner.

I turned on my heels, lazily continuing on the path toward the coffee shop we had previously been heading to. My thoughts wandered as I walked. Though Nikolai was one of my best friends, I had always very secretly been resentful of his privileged upbringing. Being in the foster care system had put me at a disadvantage in life from the very beginning, it was a miracle I had gotten into Harvard on any type of scholarship at all. But as my tuition fees and loans steadily piled up, looming in the back of my mind at all times as I worked day and night to make good grades, people like Nikolai skipped class without a second thought seeing as their parents were paying for their education in full. I would never have that luxury in life.

So deeply immersed in my thoughts, I had stopped looking where I was going, promptly slamming straight into the hard chest of a body. I stumbled, quickly righting myself and looking up to meet ice blue eyes.

Mal.

My heart plummeted to my stomach almost immediately. "Alina," he smiled widely, the look almost crazed in the eagerness it exuded. "Mal," I stiffly nodded, folding my arms over my chest. He scratched the back of his neck, his tongue running over his bottom lip before he spoke. "Alina, I know you're mad at me, but you have to get over it. I made a mistake, you know we're meant to be together," he insisted, taking a step towards me. I stepped backwards an equal distance. The anger that welled up in my throat was surprising in its intensity, red and hot. "You _cheated_ on me Mal, you're delusional if you think my standards of self respect are so low that I would ever date a cunt like you again," I snapped, my hands clenching at my sides. That garnered a few looks from passerby, making me flush in embarrassment.

Mal tilted his head to the side, eyes widened in hurt at my response, a look that used to melt my heart. Now I wanted nothing more than to slap it off of his stupid, handsome face.

"You're just in denial, I'm not taking no for an answer," he demanded, something dangerous passing over his features. Fear flickered in my chest. "I said no, Mal, and I mean it," I narrowed my eyes. I moved to walk past him, tensing when I felt his hand close around my arm, yanking me back. "You stupid bitch, I said I'm not taking no for answer," he snarled, his mouth curled into a sneer. Now I could smell the alcohol reeking from his lips. "Mal, you're hurting me, let go!" I panicked as his fingers sliced into my skin, pain throbbing up my arm with the tightness of his grip. I struggled futilely. "Mal, please!"

"She said to let her go. Do it, _now_."

Both of us froze.

My breath hitched at the unmistakable, smooth tone to the voice coming from behind me. Mal hesitated, a genuine look of fear passing over his features. His grip released, immediately I hugged my wrist into my chest, rubbing at the quickly forming bruise ringed around it. Reluctantly, I turned, seeing none other than Professor Morozova regarding my ex boyfriend with the intensity of someone about to commit murder. "Professor, nothing was happening, we were just discussing our relationship," Mal protested, shooting a look at me to give confirmation. I glared at him in return. Morozova glanced slowly from me to Mal before he spoke, his silver eyes chilling. "Get out of here, or I will most definitely report you to the school board for a Title IX violation." Mal's eyes widened in disbelief. Morozova quirked an eyebrow in challenge. My throat was burning with shame and embarrassment, I kept my eyes cast down at the pavement, my fingers wringing and twisting together. After a tense few seconds I registered the sound of Mal cursing under his breath before his presence moved, the echo of his steps quickly fading into the noises of the city as he walked away. 

Silence stretched between me and Morozova, my teeth latching onto my lower lip. 

"Thank you, but I had it under control," I finally spoke, looking up and nervously meeting his grey eyes. A humorless, raspy chuckle fell from his lips. "Did he hurt you?" he questioned, ignoring my first comment entirely. After a moment of indecision, I held out my wrist, pulling up my sleeve to reveal what I had suspected, an ugly, purple shadow of a bruise already forming. "Could have been worse," I shrugged. I dimly registered the fact that he had reached out a mere second before his fingertips came in contact with the bare skin of my wrist, running lightly over the mark. A burning shock flared throughout my body, a sharp exhale leaving my lips at the feeling. Quickly, I pulled away, hugging my hand back into my chest. My heart was pounding in my throat, because how had my body reacted in such an intense way when all he had done was barely even _touch_ me? Tingles were still racing over the surface of my skin as my lips parted in a dumbfounded look, our eyes meeting. The wind swept through the street, tousling his jet black curls just slightly.

"Let me buy you coffee." I almost startled at the sound of his voice, I had quickly gotten lost in tracing the line of his jaw with my eyes.

Yes. _God yes._

My inner voice was traitorous in its reflexive response. Was this allowed? It was just coffee. He was my professor and I could use this as an opportunity to ask him questions. And he had just helped me out with Mal. I hesitated.

"Fine, but just coffee, and then I'm leaving," I warned, making something like a smile flicker across his rosy lips. "Just coffee," he promised, but the wolfish look in his eyes gave me the sense that he was planning on much more than that.

***

"How do you like yours?"

Morozova pulled a thick black leather wallet from his coat pocket, raising an eyebrow expectantly when I hesitated. "You don't have to pay," I shifted on my feet, frantically digging through my pockets for the few dollars I had stuffed in before me and Nikolai had left. "I insist, Alina, now are you going to make me guess or will you just tell me?" he smoothly asked, his voice impassive. A frown pulled at my lips. "Fine, but I am perfectly capable of paying for things myself, you know," I muttered sullenly, "I'll have a tall chai tea latte." He nodded to himself as we stepped forward to the front of the line. The barista eyed the two of us, tossing her perfect, silky curls over her shoulder before flashing him a sultry smile, "What can I get for you, sir?" He didn't smile back, I could almost sense his mental eye roll, making a slight smirk tease at the corner of my mouth. "Grande black coffee, no room, and a tall chai tea latte," he related our order with little enthusiasm, flicking out a heavy silver credit card and offering it to her. She grabbed the card from him, glowering as she ran it before sliding it back across the counter. "A name for the order," she muttered, grabbing a thick black sharpie and cup.

"Aleksander."

Though Genya and Nadia had already done their digging and discovered what his name was, hearing him say it aloud somehow still managed to send a shiver slithering down my spine.

"Thank you, professor," I bit down on my lower lip, following him over to a table in the corner that was relatively secluded from the rest of the common area. He laughed, a real laugh, not like the raspy, seductive chuckles I had heard from him before. No, this was bright, angelic, it washed over my skin like the soft press of silk. "What's so funny," I flushed despite myself, quickly sinking into one of the eclectic wooden chairs. His grey eyes glimmered as he sat down across from me. "There's no need for formalities, Alina, you can call me Aleksander." I hesitated. This could be dangerous territory. And yet, there was a sinful thrill that tingled through me at the thought. "Okay, Aleksander," I whispered. The smile faded from his lips, humor quickly replaced by something hungry. Something _lustful_. Silence stretched out between us. My thighs pressed together.

"Your coffees, sir?"

A quiet sigh of relief escaped my lungs as the barista broke the tense silence when he approached, placing our cups onto the table with a thin smile before heading back over to behind the counter. Aleksander proceeded to grab four packets of sugar from the glass jar placed in the center of the table, carefully laying them out in a neat row. "What's the point of ordering black coffee if you're going to drown it in sugar?" I smirked just slightly, watching him carefully tear open and dump each packet in to the dark liquid in slow, methodical succession. "Are you making fun of me?" he arched a brow. I shrugged, holding his gaze as I pressed the lip of my mug to my mouth, taking a generous sip of the steaming, spiced drink. "I think maybe someone has a sweet tooth and is desperately trying to hide it behind their very manly black coffee order," I teased. He shook his head, rolling his eyes before taking a sip of his drink. We fell to silence again, providing ample time for my anxiety to wash back over me in an overwhelming wave. 

What the hell was I doing here, borderline flirting with my fucking _professor?_  

"I really think we should be going, sir," I cleared my throat, "I have, ah, lots of studying to do, namely for your class, so.." I trailed off, averting my eyes under his piercing stare. "Stay, Alina, we're not doing anything wrong, just drinking coffee," he murmured, tilting his head slightly to the side. 

Then why did the way he was staring at me feel akin to something sinfully more intimate? 

"Ten more minutes," I finally conceded, pausing a moment before adding, "Or when I finish my coffee. Whatever comes first." Again, that glimmer of amusement, he leaned back in his chair in clear satisfaction. "So, the frat boy," he stated expectantly before taking a long drink of his coffee. "Bitter ex boyfriend," I flatly worded, my teeth clenching together almost instinctively. His fingers drifted to rest over his lips in a brief moment of thought. "You deserve better," he mildly replied after a second. "I know," I affirmed with a wan smile. Shock briefly widened his eyes the slightest fraction before quickly dissipating. "You really continue to surprise me, Alina," he laughed in something like disbelief, "It's powerful to know one's worth." That same hungry look was back, his gaze tracing the lines of my face down to the slope of my neck. It lingered there for a moment, too long. I wondered what it would feel like to have his lips pressed against my skin, how soft they would be. Fucking hell, I was going insane. "You must have a lot of work to do," I softly spoke, my fingers tracing the wood grain of the table, the swirling knots in the oak rough against my skin.

"I have other things in mind that I'd rather do instead."

My breath hitched at the seductive edge to his words, his innuendo painfully clear.

Almost frantically, I downed the remnants of my latte, mumbling, "Look at that, I finished my coffee. Time to go." He stilled for a moment, his expression hardening as he evaluated me with cold slate eyes. "So it is," he finally uttered smoothly, confidently, the sharp edge of cool indifference back to tinging his words. We stood up, the tension almost palpable as we both shrugged back on our coats. I caught a glimpse of the Dolce and Gabbana tag of his jacket before he settled it over his shoulders. Another impossibly rich, seductive man in my life, as if Nikolai wasn't enough to deal with as it was. A sour frown turned at my lips, I stuffed my hands into my pockets as we exited the coffee shop, immediately blasted by the icy chill.

My steps slowed, my shoulders hunching from the cold as I turned to look up at Aleksander. He towered over me in stature, I hadn't actually realized how tall he was until now. He looked so damnably attractive in his dark wool coat, his dark curls ruffled by the wind. I hadn't even realized I had been staring until he took a step closer, closing the distance between our bodies to mere inches. "Professor," I protested on instinct, shying backwards just slightly. "I'm captivated by you, Alina Starkov," he hummed, his hand lifting, fingertips ghosting over my cheek. "No," I shakily breathed, "This does not mean anything, this was just coffee. We are not doing this." He didn't respond, his eyes flickering down to my lips. Every part of me was screaming with the temptation to just kiss him, to be able to see what he tasted like, to feel the curve of his body against mine. "Are you sure," he murmured. Somehow he had closed the distance again. His mouth was hovering over mine, I could feel the soft air of his breath as it hit my lips. My eyes fluttered closed.

I took a step back.

"Yes, I'm sure," I breathed, my pulse hammering wildly in my chest. I registered the briefest flash of annoyance in his eyes before it vanished. The muscles in his jaw flexed before slowly releasing back to neutral, a familiar mask of impassiveness pulling back over his features. "Let's get you back to campus then, Miss Starkov," he gestured casually, his body relaxed of any tension it held before as if the last thirty seconds didn't even happen. A scowl turned at my lips.

We walked back in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	4. im glad you came in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its really late but I ended up pulling through hey celebration lets go
> 
> texting will be used in this au >> is always alina and << is whoever she's conversing with (I think another fic used this style of indication but I dont remember so credit to whoever came up with that idea)
> 
> im sorry this is a slow slow slow slow fucking burn aleks is not in this chapter too much but thats the point of slow burn so actually I will not apologize oops. I do have a smut request in the works for you thirsty hoes though *sigh* jk love you all I get it aleks is a fucking sex fiend ahem but anyways
> 
> enjoy <3

"Alina, let me see your notes!" Genya whispered, pawing at my notebook spilling over with pages upon pages of scrawled writing.

"Write your own, Gen," I swatted at her hand, focusing back on the projector as our English professor continued to drone on with the enthusiasm of a near dead person.

"I just missed the last slide, _please_ ," she batted her eyelashes innocently, her red manicured fingernails splaying out over my writing. I eyed her almost completely blank page, still crisp seeing as it had barely been touched aside from some lazy doodles.

"Fine, but you owe me," I grumbled, sliding my notebook over and watching in mild exasperation as she proceeded to hastily scribble down as much information as she could. In truth, I had been giving in to all of Genya's requests lately out of guilt, hiding what had transpired at the coffee shop from her was eating me alive. My fingers tapped restlessly against my desk, my eyes trained on the clock softly ticking away seconds at an agonizingly slowly pace. Infuriatingly, it had become increasingly hard to focus my classes, all I could think about these days was the almost kiss and the feeling of Aleksander's breath on my lips.

"If there's no more questions, I'm going to let you all out of class early."

I jolted upright, immediately snatching my notebook from Genya's desk. "I need to tell you something," I hissed softly, ignoring her frown that I had stolen the notes back before she could write everything down. "Finally, I knew something's been up." Her pout immediately morphed into a grin of satisfaction. 

I really was fucking awful at keeping secrets. 

Slipping my notebook and pencil pouch into my backpack, I slung it over my shoulders as we stood up, making our way down the aisle and following the steady flow of students out the classroom door. "So what is it? Does it have something to do with Morozova?" Genya wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, our steps echoing on the cobblestoned path as we exited the building into the courtyard. My hesitation was apparently enough for her.

"It _is_ ," she gasped, eyes wide. My fingers moved to twirl through the ends of my hair, I couldn't look at her. "Alina Starkov, did you have sex?" she grasped my shoulders, forcing me to halt. A sputtered scoff left my lips, the shock and horror of her abrupt question almost rendering me speechless. "No, Genya!" I shook my head incredulously, "We almost kissed, okay? That's it!" Her gaping mouth promptly snapped shut. I hugged my coat tighter around myself, toeing at an orange fallen leaf underneath my boot.

"For you, that's basically sex, oh my god, Alina! You almost _kissed?"_ she practically squealed, shaking my arm for emphasis.

"It's not something to celebrate, god, Genya, I could lose my scholarship over this!" I hissed under my breath. She promptly quieted her near shrieks of delight, though a wicked smile remained. "Alina, you have what, seven months left before you graduate? Then you can get into your graduate's program somewhere else and everything will be fine! I know you always call me a bad influence... but _come on_! Have you _seen_ him?"

My lip curled in displease at her response.

And yet. The tiniest, smallest sliver of consideration rooted deep in the back of my mind.

Was it really so bad?

I shook my head, as if I could physically dispel the traitorous thought with the movement. "Don't expect anything, and if I call you to help me get out of a situation with him, you're not allowed to say no," I warned.

"So you're going to go out with him?" she smirked, her red painted lips curling.

My teeth tugged on my lower lip. "No. Yes. Maybe?"

She snickered.

A tight exhale escaped my lungs at the thought of his silver eyes.

"Well, first he has to ask."

***

"Hello, welcome to Brick and Mortar," I smiled tiredly as the doorbell softly chimed, alerting me to a new customer. The woman didn't glance my way, immediately making her way back into the twisting rows of bookcases filling every inch of the store. My smile faded almost immediately, I let out a soft sigh of mild misery. Retail was never what I would call an enjoyable experience, but seeing as I needed a job to pay the bills, working in a place surrounded by stacks full of books seemed to be the most bearable option. Never mind the fact that I got berated by rude customers at least once a day.

I sat back in my chair, continuing to slowly thumb through the pages of my book while I sipped at my tea. Peaceful silence dragged on for a long, blissful moment.

"Alina, where's the adult mystery vampire romance section?" Alexei burst behind the counter in a sudden whirlwind of anxiety, making me inhale sharply at the interruption. I turned in my chair, arching a brow mildly, "Alexei, you know there's no section marked that, don't let them bully you. Just point them to either the romance section or the mystery section, they'll find something." He adjusted his glasses, letting out a deep sigh before nodding, setting his shoulders and marching back towards the back of the store with renewed confidence. My eyes cast over the page of my book before I promptly snapped it closed, resting my chin in my hand and sullenly staring down the clock. I still had three more hours left in my shift and the seconds seemed to be stretching longer and longer every single time I looked up to check. More and more often I found myself downing coffee and energy drinks as if my very existence depended on it, the bags under my eyes had grown considerably darker in direct correlation with the increasingly minimal sleep I was getting.

But it was all worth it to keep my scholarship though, something that I constantly had to remind myself of in growing frequency.

"Well, they snapped at me and told me I'm an idiot," Alexei's voice proclaimed miserably, making me startle as he pushed through the wooden gate behind the front desk, flinging himself onto the chair beside me. "Fuck them Alexei, they're the idiot," I sighed, attempting to rub the exhaustion from my eyes with the heels of my palms. He pouted his lips slightly, sullenly playing with the ends of the sleeves of his sweater.

"So, what happened with Professor Morozova?" he suddenly asked, tilting his head and lazily propping his elbow on the counter.

A trill of fear skipped down my spine, my breath hitching as my thoughts immediately turned to the memory of standing in front of a coffee shop, lips hovering over my own.

"W-what do you mean?" I let out a weak laugh, almost breathless with unease. "You know, in class, since you were late last week, you said you were afraid to go back," he crinkled his nose slightly, pushing his glasses up with the back of his hand. The brief panic immediately faded, I quieted my sigh of relief.

"It was fine, he just picked on me in the class discussion. Nothing too eventful." I pressed the lip of my coffee cup to my mouth before my lies became too obvious. "Good, no one touches Alina Starkov without me beating them up," he grinned sheepishly, throwing a couple of air punches for emphasis. My mouth parted with a laugh. "Thanks for defending my honor, Alexei, it's greatly appreciated, but sadly I really don't think you could beat him up." He shrugged in defeat.

"True. But it's the thought that counts, right?"

***

My head was buried in my textbooks, the smell of old paper filling my nose when my phone went off with a cheery ding. The librarian shuffling through books nearby shot me a look of disapproval, making my cheeks flush in embarrassment. I dug my phone from my pocket, silencing it before scanning over the text I had just received from Genya.

<< ALINA STARKOV

All capitals was never a good sign. My thumbs quickly flew across the keyboard.

>> what genya?? is everything okay??

It was no more than a couple seconds before I got my reply.

<< I went with David to see Morozova after his class today because he had a question or whatever and PROFESSOR SEXY FUCKING ASKED ABOUT YOU

I felt myself pale.

>> how the fuck did I come up in your conversation what the actual fuck genya

<< Well, he more asked about how your thesis proposal was going than how YOU were doing..

<< David was just asking him questions and then before we left he asked me 'You're friends with Alina Starkov, correct?' and I was like YES BITCH I AM well not literally but you get the idea

<< He is so into you Alina I'm fucking living for it

There was something both thrilling and terrifying about the information. What was so interesting about me that he had come to be so fascinated by?

I hesitated before answering.

>> isn't he afraid of getting found out? thats bold, even for him

<< Maybe he just wants you _that_ much, Alina

<< I see sexy times in your near future

>> no oh my god

>> this is all so wrong

>> why do i have morals genya

I rested my head in my hands with a heavy sigh. All I could think about was silver eyes and rosy lips, jet black tousled hair and smooth, ivory skin. The shock of electricity when his skin pressed against mine. No man was worth destroying my future for. But it was just seven months... I shook my head.

Genya was rubbing off on me, and most definitely not in a good way.

***

I hadn't realized I had stopped taking notes halfway through class until the bell rang signifying it was over. Somewhere in the middle of the lecture Aleksander had shrugged off his blazer and rolled his sleeves up, and consequently I had spent the rest of the time dumbly staring at him, a dull ache throbbing between my legs. Hastily, I began stuffing my notebooks back into my bag, silently cursing myself. I would have to go back and view the lecture recording as soon as I got home.

But presently, that unpleasantry paled in comparison to what I was about to do.

My mouth was dry as I stood up, wiggling past a couple of other students still packing up their things before making my way down the tiered stairs. Aleksander was sitting behind his desk, sifting through the theses we had just handed in with critical eyes. I couldn't help my gaze that quickly traced the length of his arms, down to his slender fingers curled around the thick stack of paper. My body was traitorous, a whirlwind of obscene thoughts making my cheeks flush. Thankfully, he didn't look up, I wouldn't have doubted his ability and intuition to figure out at least along the lines of what I was thinking as soon as he saw my expression. A shaky exhale left my lips, an almost futile effort to calm myself. I glanced over my shoulder, my teeth tugging on my lower lip as I watched everyone slowly filter out.

"Professor," I finally looked back to him, my voice so soft that no one else could have possibly been able to hear me. His eyes lifted, his gaze flickering over me with a blatant lack of subtlety before he leaned back in his chair, gesturing for me to go on. Somehow even sitting down, it felt as if he was a foot taller than me, his natural air of power and authority make me shrink in on myself almost instinctually. "We need to talk about what's been going on between us," I thumbed over the straps on my bag nervously. His expression was impassive, he lazily drummed his fingers against the wood of his desk once before responding.

"I'm glad you came in, Alina, I would love to talk to you as well, particularly about your thesis," he tilted his head slightly.

It almost could have been a sign of challenge.

My lips parted in a mixture of embarrassment and confusion. Was he seriously going to act as if nothing had been going on between us? I remained speechlessly silent, which he took as an opportunity to continue. "Your thesis is regarding neural deficiencies in relation to terminal disease, which is very close to the research I am conducting right now," he leaned forward, thumbing over a paper on his desk and sliding it towards me, "I think it could be very beneficial for you, and I could offer you a lot of professional expertise."

I was dumbfounded. That was it? No proposition? No sexual advances?

A small, traitorous part of me felt horribly let down.

My fingertips curled around the edge of the paper, I quickly scanned it. Details about his research and the necessary times I would have to assist him, nothing more.

"I'll think about it." My voice was dry. His neutral expression didn't change, he merely raised a brow.

I suddenly felt unimaginably foolish.

"Have a good day, professor," I flashed him a wry smile, the paper crumpling in my increasingly tight grasp as I turned on my heels.

"Oh and Alina? Don't think I didn't notice you didn't take a single note after the first thirty minutes of class. In the future I would advise you to not get distracted so easily."

The smug amusement hinting in his voice only infuriated me that much more, I could almost see his smirk. I forced myself to calm, pushing down the annoyance rising in my throat.

"I'll see you next class, _Aleksander_."

***

The salty, buttery taste of popcorn danced across my tongue as I shoveled it into my mouth in probably the least attractive manner known to man. Nikolai sat to my right on my battered futon, his elbows resting over the back of it and his eyes glued to the screen. He had somehow convinced me to watch a horror movie, then proceeded to be the one to scream and jump at every scare while I regarded it in relatively bored silence. 

“She just heard a chainsaw noise and started to walked _towards_ it, what idiot would do that?" I mumbled through a mouthful of popcorn, making him scoff in response. "Who _wouldn't_ investigate that? Maybe someone like you, who would then be the one to get killed in her sleep by the psychopathic murderer," he poked me in the side pointedly, eliciting a soft giggle from me. "You would definitely get murdered before I would," I playfully narrowed my eyes. He shrugged, a wicked glint in his eye. "Maybe, they do usually go for the hottest one first." This time he earned a full on shove, though it barely even shifted him a centimeter over. _Curse my weak arms_.

"I can't help being this attractive," he lofted airily, promptly reaching into my bag of popcorn and stealing a handful. "And yet, still no girlfriend, I can't imagine why with you being so humble and all," I mocked, throwing a couple of kernels at him. He clutched at his chest dramatically, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead.

Despite my teasing, it had always genuinely eluded me why he insisted on remaining single, much like Aleksander, girls actively threw themselves at him, and though he clearly relished the attention, he never took things past a date or two. Though his dating reputation proceeded him, he still managed to have a string of adoring women at his feet at all times. I mean, he was attractive, and it also didn't hurt that he was the son of a famous billionaire and sinfully charming.

"Nikolai, I need some dating advice," I blurted before I could stop myself. _Oh god_.

He raised a brow in mild surprise.

"You're an attractive male, so tell me, if a good looking guy shows an excessive amount of interest in you, then after you reject him he basically stops coming on to you, what does that mean?" I regretted every single word as soon as it left my mouth; Nikolai and I kept to a strict policy of avoidance on talk of any kind regarding relationships or sexual activity. It was peculiar considering we told each other everything, but he had never so much as mentioned any of his conquests and in turn, I had kept my Mal talk solely for Genya. Besides the fact, now that I said the words aloud, I felt like the biggest idiot in the face of the planet. I had rejected Aleksander, what did I expect? For him to pine after me until I said yes? He was an exceedingly attractive and powerful man, he could have almost any woman that he wanted. It was clearly doubtful he would get hung up over one of his sickly looking students.

"Sorry, I know we don't usually talk about this," I cleared my throat awkwardly. Nikolai flashed me one of his usual crooked smiles, but strangely, it didn't seem to reach his eyes. "Is someone else really pursuing my future wife? You know I'll have to fight whoever the bastard is, put them in their place." I played with the frayed edge of my blanket, snorting softly. "Never mind, it was stupid anyways," I muttered, more frustrated at my own idiocy than anything. He tilted his head slightly, hazel eyes evaluating me before he lifted his shoulder in a half shrug. "Starkov, you deserve someone that wants you no matter what. That's all I have to say."

My teeth found my lower lip, my heart warming slightly. Somehow despite his inherent obnoxiousness, he always knew what to say in the times when I really needed it. I let my head fall against his shoulder, focusing back on the movie, murmuring a quiet, "Thanks Nikolai." His arm slipped around me, enveloping me in the security of his familiar comfort. Gradually, I felt my eyelids droop in exhaustion, sleep creeping in on me like a warm, subtle caress.

Infuriatingly, yet again my dreams were plagued with silver eyes and rosy lips, the soft press of his skin a haunting echo that demanded to be felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)
> 
> p.s. I dont know why my end notes are glitching but if it shows up twice on whatever device you're using to read im sorry I dont know how to fix it


	5. you're intelligent alina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so im currently wine drunk this took me so long to edit because I got too lit at this holiday party and I know this is like three hours later than I said I would put it up im sorry im the worst but its up okay I did my best ahaha
> 
> well yeah besides that I dont know if im gonna get an update up next week bc im going on vacation so dont expect anything and then if I do it'll be a nice surprise right
> 
> enjoy <3

"Hi, I'm working with Professor Morozova as a research assistant," I hesitantly cleared my throat, my hands tugging nervously at the hem of my sweater. The security guard looked down at me with thinly veiled skepticism, the hard set of his jaw and downward curl of his lips clearly communicating his disapproval. "I'm just security, you can't get into the laboratory unless you have the numerical code," he graveled stoically before returning his attention back to straight ahead of him in a blank, stony stare. My teeth found my lower lip, biting down hard as I glanced at the electronic pin pad in uncertainty.

When I had emailed Aleksander earlier in the week to reluctantly accept the position he had offered me he hadn't even bothered to grace me with a reply. Something told me that he was a man that didn't do anything he didn't deem worthy of his precious, _precious_ time. 

And so with absolutely no clue regarding what the passcode was, I proceeded to stand there dumbly, rocking back and forth on my heels as I chewed on the inside of my cheek. 

The security guard raised a brow. 

Grumbling an unsavory curse under my breath, I stalked a few short paces over to the side, snatching my phone from my coat pocket with intent to at least try and attempt to contact Aleksander. 

To my surprising luck, right then the lab door was thrown open in a rather violent manner, making me startle as a boy in a lab coat in the midst of an angry fervor stalked out past me while hurling violent curses at no one in particular. "Wait," I hesitantly called after him as I darted for the door handle before it closed, immediately regretting the decision to gain his attention when he turned around and looked at me as if I was a particularly disgusting bug he had just squished underneath his shoe.

An awkward laugh fell from my slightly parted lips. "Um, I just wanted to make sure, this Professor Morozova's lab, right?"

The outrage quickly intensified in his disgusted expression, he narrowed his eyes, huffing indignantly, "Yes, but don't bother trying. He fired me for doing an _unsatisfactory_ job, the nerve! My father practically owns this school!" He promptly stomped away in continuation of his temper tantrum, I snorted as I slipped past the security guard into the lab.

Immediately I was hit with the overwhelming smell of sterility, the slate counters pristine and the rows of equipment practically sparkling with cleanliness. A few other lab assistants were working on some sort of test under a microscope, another typing vigorously over in the cluster of computers. My hands wrung together in nervousness as I caught sight of the office space near the back of the impossibly large room. I could just barely make out Aleksander's form partially hidden by the half closed blinds, sifting through documents while glancing up continuously to the expensive computer atop his glass desk. My steps echoed on the concrete flooring, I ducked my head as I quickly made my way through the rows of lab stations and assistants, hesitating briefly when I finally stood in front of the closed door. I didn't even know what I expected from him, but I wasn't looking forward to our interaction regardless.

Letting out a strained exhale, I raised my fist, knocking on the door firmly. There was a moment of silence.

"Come in."

It had only been a few days since I had last seen him in class, yet the raspy, cool edge to his voice still managed to send a shiver of surprise down my spine. My fingers curled around the cool metal of the doorknob, I quickly pushed it open and stepped inside, angrily trying to stomp out the immediate excited thrill I got in my stomach when our eyes connected.

"Alina." The way my name rolled off of his tongue was fundamentally wrong. As if the taste of it alone on his lips gave him all of the satisfaction he needed.

"Why didn't you give me the code?" I blurted, instantly reddening at my outburst.

 _Smooth Starkov, way to start off the conversation strong_.

His lips quirked ever so slightly. "You're intelligent Alina, obviously you figured it out. Now if you don't have any other questions, you can go right ahead and join my other assistants, they're working on a test for me that I would like your hands on as well." For a long moment I just stood there, dumbly staring at him. I was baffled, to say the least. For the second interaction in a row, there was no advances, no innuendos, he was purely professional and detached, like how he behaved with all of his students. It left a bad taste in my mouth for a reason I would never admit out loud.

I didn't want to be just another one of his students.

Clearly he had lost interest in me after I had rejected him on multiple occasions. _As he should_ , I thought bitterly, I was the one who had made it clear I hadn't wanted to get involved.

I still didn't want to get involved.

"No questions, thank you, professor," I flashed him a tight smile. He nodded, his stare flicking over me once before returning back to his paperwork. My cheeks burned as I turned on my heels, exiting the room as quickly as humanly possible. Just days ago I was desperately wishing for things to go back to normal, for the sexual tension between us to be erased so I could continue my studies in peace. Now that it had actually happened, I somehow wanted him more than ever, so badly that it physically pained me.

I silently cursed myself as I made my way over to the equipment station, shrugging on a lab coat and goggles along with thick latex gloves. "Hi, I'm Alina," I smiled wanly as I approached the active lab station. The two boys looked up from their work in simultaneous surprise at the sound of my greeting. "David? I didn't know you were researching for Morozova," I laughed incredulously as he squinted up at me from his chair as if trying to decipher who I was. David was the odd center of Genya's obsession, she had come to be infatuated with him once she had found him uncharacteristically immune to her charms. Currently, their relationship was more hazily existent than anything, though to most it would be assumed David had little capacity for any kind of affection or emotion anyways.

"Hello Alina," he finally greeted me formally, making me snort when he subsequently went right back to peering through his microscope, disheveled brown hair falling into his eyes.

The second boy looked vaguely familiar, the wicked smile he gave me making me instinctively grin in return. "I'm Harshaw," he stuck out his hand, I shook it loosely, the dim flicker of recognition morphing into a clear memory.

"We had organic chemistry together, didn't we?"

He nodded, that lazy smirk still on his lips, "Nice to see you didn't drop out after the first year like most everyone else did." I sighed in amused agreement. The neuroscience major was extremely competitive, most students failed out after the very first few quarters.

"So, what are we doing," I pulled a hair tie from my wrist, tying my long waves of hair back into a lazy bun and shuffling forward to try and get a better look at the experiment. Harshaw shrugged, flicking David's shoulder pointedly, "Beats me. Professor Morozova basically makes us look for shit that isn't there, then he comes in and makes some amazing, profound discovery and we look like idiots. It's quite an enjoyable cycle." I snorted in response. David still had yet to comment, quickly swapping out one Petri dish for another under the microscope and hastily adjusting the scope.

"Are you using stem cells?" I questioned curiously, shifting to look over David's shoulder. "Yes," he mumbled, "We're supposed to monitor their activity when introduced to disease." A soft, thoughtful hum escaped my lips. That was interesting, I had never thought to use stem cells before. It was easy to forget sometimes that Aleksander Morozova was a world renowned neuroscientist, he had intellect and influence and power I could barely even guess at.

"Well, let's get going and find something worthwhile before he does," I brightly spoke in a tone that didn't quite reflect the defeated feeling permeating my insides.

David drew back from the microscope, sharing a pointed look with Harshaw.

"Good luck with that. Morozova _always_ wins."

***

"Okay Alina, I'm going to give you a choice, either you come out and party with us tonight, or you buy something hot as fuck today and I'll delay us forcing you to come out to another time. Which is it going to be?" Nadia grinned in possibly the evilest manner I had ever seen. I glanced to Tamar for help, she merely winked, looping her arm around Nadia's waist and nodding in support. I didn't even try to look Genya's way, she was the worst culprit for trying to get me to go out and have 'fun' as they called so generously liked to call it.

"Fine, I'll buy something _hot as fuck_ as you so eloquently put it," I grimaced, the sag of defeat in my shoulders unmistakable as I spoke the words. My wardrobe generally consisted of oversized hoodies, pilled leggings and sweaters, I rarely wore anything else. Somehow I knew that anything along those lines wasn't quite what they had in mind when they said 'hot as fuck'. In a whirlwind of pushing and prodding, I was promptly whisked across the mall's linoleum floor into the nearest women's clothing store.

Or what I had assumed for the briefest of seconds was a clothing store, as soon as Genya pushed open the double doors it quickly became apparent that all we were surrounded by was racks upon racks of lingerie, lace and silk and velvet and every other possible luxurious, skimpy material I could possibly think of. "No, this is not happening," I firmly spoke, desperately attempting to turn on my heels and walk straight back out the door. Their grip was surprising in its strength, I struggled for a brief, futile moment before slumping forward in limp misery.

"So, I'm thinking black or red," Genya spoke conversationally, as if I wouldn't have rather been stabbed through the heart than buy anything from this store. A sour frown turned at my lips as Tamar grabbed a floral set from the first rack she could get her hands on, holding it up in front of my body and squinting her eyes in evaluation. "No, Tamar, I am never going to wear a hot pink floral bodysuit," I glowered. I was met with wicked snickers, though thankfully she placed it back on the rack with a playfully indignant huff. My head tilted back in mortified exasperation as I was practically yanked through the twisting rows and displays of undergarments, my eyes stubbornly trained above on the weak fluorescent lights bathing the store in a cold, weak glow.

I grimaced at a cheetah print two piece that had Nadia practically drooling, my gaze beginning to wander around the store as I promptly decided to ignore them entirely. Despite every vehement thought, my eyes suddenly caught on a simple two piece set near the far window. A quick glance confirmed that Genya, Tamar and Nadia were suitably distracted, babbling excitedly to each other over an exceedingly risqué, devilishly red ensemble.

Quietly, I slipped out from their now lax grip on my arms, weaving through the seemingly endless rows before trailing to a stop in front of the display. The bra and panties set was simple and black, lace and silk straps stitched together in a plain yet alluring design. It was slightly see through, but still left something to be desired. My cheeks flushed at the thought of wearing something like that for someone, the vulnerability that it would mean. Though Mal and I had had sex when we were together, I had always felt self conscious of my body, I had never even considered wearing anything but my regular cheap, cotton underclothes, let alone an expensive lingerie set. And furthermore, this was something else entirely. Lingerie like this was meant to be worn by someone confident, someone who was comfortable being sexy.

That was not me by any means.

I felt my body start to wilt in disappointment at my own cynical thoughts before the sound of excited gasps broke through my melancholy state. "Alina, it's perfect!" Genya exhaled in awe, her eyes alight with excitement as she ran her fingertips over the dainty fabric. "No, no, I could never pull it off," I shook my head, toeing at the floor with my battered sneaker. "You definitely can and you definitely will, we're buying it for you, our treat," Tamar firmly spoke with a determined smirk. Within seconds it was snatched from the rack and I was being carted to the front of the store in a fit of giggles and borderline squeals. "Now we just have to find that special someone for you to wear it for," Nadia clapped her hands together, winking at me. Genya caught my eye right then, a knowing smirk gracing her red painted lip that indicated exactly what she was thinking.

I glared back with the heat of murder.

***

My legs ached from standing for hours, my body stiff with cold despite the fuzzy Harvard sweatshirt I had insisted on putting on after Genya had gotten her mandatory game day pictures out of the way.

Ironically, neither of those things were the worst part about having to attend these stupid football games, despite the fact that I was very miserably trembling with cold.

No, the worst part was having to watch Malyen Oretsev on the football field making amazing plays while the majority of the girls surrounding me in the stands swooned over him with ugly coos and annoying giggles. A permanent frown had creased my lips, my arms tightly folded over my chest to try and retain some of my body heat as I glared at his tiny form on the field. It was a cold fall night, so cold in fact that my breaths frosted under the bright lights. Even still, the stadium was filled to capacity to watch my infuriatingly successful athlete ex boyfriend throw touchdowns and flirt with cheerleaders on the sidelines.

In short, I wanted to die.

"Since when were you so interested in football, your eyes haven't left the field the whole quarter." A playful nudge accompanied Nikolai's words, immediately bringing me back to reality. As our eyes met the slightest touch of guilt flickered in my chest, I had basically been ignoring him this whole time in favor of brooding in my own miserable thoughts. "Don't play dumb with me, you may be a pretty boy but you did get into Harvard," I arched a brow mildly, rubbing my hands together that were stiff with cold. "You flatter me," he smirked, tilting his head slightly. My lip curled in playful annoyance but I avoided answering his obvious prompt, instead casting my eyes down and focusing on regaining some feeling in my fingers. He was silent for a moment, a startlingly uncommon occurrence with him. I tensed when, suddenly, his gloved hands closed over mine, gently helping me warm them.

A surprising trill of nervousness flickered in the pit of my stomach.

He remained quiet, his hazel eyes thoughtful.

"Okay, what do you want from me," I laughed, ignoring the stares from girls around us as he pulled me closer, the soft, contemplative look fading from his features as a smirk flickered over his lips.

"Alina, my dearest, I need a date," he raised his eyebrows suggestively, his thumb continuing to run back and forth over the back of my hand.

"For what." My face scrunched into a grimace almost on instinct, making him chuckle.

"Well, my father wants to get into politics and he's planning to announce his campaign for senator at this prestigious Harvard event, you know that holiday banquet they do every year where they invite successful alumni and famous intellectuals and blah blah blah, long story short my parents want me to be a model son and that apparently includes bringing a date. And I was hoping you would be that date." He capped off his monologue with a hopeful, lopsided smile that made a reluctant warmth spark in my chest. "What do you say, Starkov?" he pressed me closer, his hand warm at my back. I quickly became painfully aware of how close we were, the stares from the people around us making my skin burn hot with embarrassment.

The sudden roar of the crowd cheering made me startle, my eyes tearing away from Nikolai's back down to the game.

We had just scored a touchdown, Mal was celebrating with Dubrov in the end zone as the student section went wild in celebration. My mouth soured as Mal lazily jogged off of the field, quickly bombarded by a slew of disgustingly enthusiastic cheerleaders desperate to congratulate him. 

Anger burned in my throat.

"Alina?"

Nikolai's voice seemed a million miles away.

"I'll go with you." The words had slipped from my lips without me even stopping to consider his proposal in a rational manner, all I could think about was any possible semblance of revenge that I could get.

"Oh... well, great then!"

When I finally looked back at him, his eyes were alight with genuine excitement. Guilt immediately sat heavy on my tongue. "Don't expect too much from me though, you could do always do better and bring a supermodel or something," I let out a weak laugh, finally managing to tug my hand from his grip. A sly smirk tugged at his mouth.

"I'm not worried, Alina, every other person pales in comparison to you. Except me, of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I mention this is a slow burn? but I think next chapter has a lot more aleks so prepare yourselves for more SEXUAL TENSION MWAHAHA
> 
> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	6. do you know who i am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyheyhey hows it hanging heres a chapter for your enjoyment. next update will probably not be until next Sunday, im moving back to college and starting classes and all of that shit so thats my number one priority. I hope more aleksander (admittedly asshole aleksander) and sassy flirty nikolai will be enough to satisfy you until the next update. this is only lightly edited, might go back and clean it up later, we'll see. ugh. im so tired but its fine im fine ill make it somehow 
> 
> enjoy <3

Exhaustion tugged greedily at my eyelids, I struggled to keep them open, my phone loosely dangling in my grasp as I hugged the sheets around me tightly, savoring the soft press of the fabric against my skin. Unlocking my phone, I pulled up Genya's contact with sluggish fingers. She hadn't come back to our room last night after a second subsequent night of partying, and by the time I had woken up this morning for my class, she had seemingly already come and gone.

>> are you dead gen

My eyes flickered up to the clock on the wall. 8:03. I had approximately twenty minutes to get ready if I was going to make it to my first class. I let out a soft groan, turning over and curling into a ball. My phone chimed brightly, regaining my attention immediately. 

<< No

<< Some people know how to have a good time, ALINA

I snorted.

>> "good time" is a relative term

>> you'll never believe what happened at the game after you abandoned me

<< You fucked Morozova??

I rolled my eyes almost involuntarily.

>> no idiot

>> he's not interested in me anymore anyways

>> nikolai asked me to be his date for some pretentious rich people event

<< What do you mean he's not interested

<< Shit Alina you have two men now?? I'm a proud mom :')

>> he's just not okay

>> and with nikolai its clearly a friend thing he knows i don't think of him like that

<< If you say so

<< But I say you're in denial

<< And as your best friend I wouldn't be fulfilling that role if I didn't suggest

<< THE HOTTEST THREESOME THERE EVER WAS COME ON ALINA DO IT

A strangled sound left my lips, I threw my phone down on the blankets, my cheeks reddening. Even the suggestion of the thought was mortifying. I tossed my thick blankets off of me, springing to my feet and quickly busying myself with getting ready, desperately trying to distract myself from the sinful thoughts of enticing lips and the press of hot skin.

***

My chin rested heavily in my hand limply propped up by my elbow, I desperately tried to pay attention to Professor Morozova's lecture through lidded eyes. The past week had been a whirlwind of mid term papers, extensive lab research and late nights, and the lack of sleep had been catching up to me in recent days. Aleksander's form was blurry as I struggled to even discern what he was speaking about. Something along the lines of protein chemistry on the molecular level in the brain. A quick glance at the clock almost made my eyes sting with tears of exhaustion. We still had another hour left, and there was an extremely strong possibility of me falling asleep any second now. I shifted my gaze upward, my body tensing as I startled.

Aleksander was staring straight at me as he talked.

I remained frozen as he lifted a brow slightly in something like a warning, at the very least an acknowledgment that he had been watching me practically drool on my desk as I faded in and out of consciousness. My jaw set, I held his cool stare with a quiet air of defiance. His eyes flickered over me once, twice, before he turned away, resuming his languid pacing as he lectured.

And with that, I was wide awake.

Over the past few weeks I had been practically starved for any sort of attention from him. The most we interacted was when I had to ask him a question about one of his research assignments in the lab. Even then, he barely looked at me, it was painfully clear that I had lost his interest. And subsequently, now more than ever I found myself staring, lost in the midst of a daydream of wondering what his lips would feel like against my skin, how satisfying it would be to have all of him, and what the best way would be to remove his suit from his lean body without ruining the luxurious material. My pride and sense always managed to stop me from daring to act on any of it, but more and more I felt akin to something like a depraved animal silently begging for him to notice me again.

Hell, a single look had made my skin heat and an unbearable ache form between my legs.

A sudden flicker of anger resounded in my chest, more at myself than anything else. Here I was, sitting in class getting lectured by one of the most successful neuroscientists of my time and all I could think about was _fucking_ him.

My movements were taught with tension as I yanked open my notebook, practically burying my head deep in the pages as I proceeded to take furiously scribbled notes.

I didn't look up again.

***

"Next one, Alexei."

My eyelids struggled to stay open as I stacked a new shipment of books onto the shelf, the three shots of espresso I had downed earlier doing nothing to keep me awake.

"Alina, are you sure you don't want to go home early?" Alexei handed me another book, his eyebrows crinkled slightly in concern.

"No, I've never felt better," I mumbled, rubbing at the bruised circles underneath my eyes before limply grabbing the thick hardback from him, sliding it onto the shelf. In truth, at this point between the overload of work and my sleepless nights plagued with dreams of Aleksander, I was teetering on the brink of collapse. He gave me a particularly pointed look of skepticism, but didn't argue any further, fishing through the box and hefting multiple paperbacks with one hand. The soft sound of rustling paper scraping against wood filled the air as we continued to fill up the shelves.

"So I heard you're going on a date with Nikolai," Alexei spoke after a long moment, flashing me a mischievous grin when I rolled my eyes. "What, did he tell you that?" I snorted, slamming the last hardback down on the shelf the slightest fraction too aggressively before sliding it into its place. "You know Nikolai has had a crush on you for years, and you realize you just agreed to go to a rich people event with him, I think anyone could connect the dots," Alexei smirked, pushing up his sleeves and picking up the now empty cardboard box. He yelped when I pinched his arm, sprinting several hasty steps away from me before heading for the back door where the garbage bin was.

"He knows it's never gonna happen!" I shouted after him, rolling my eyes even as a smile plucked at my lips.

"Are you sure about that?"

My cheeks flushed even before I turned around, an embarrassed laugh falling my mouth.

"Perfect timing, I love when you come visit me at work just to overhear us talking about you," I pressed my face into my hands, turning on my heels and peeking at Nikolai through my fingers. He was leaning over the counter, elbows propped up lazily on the wood and a teasing grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. "You know, I'd like to speak to your manager about you harassing a potential customer," he canted his head, placing a full cup of steaming coffee in front of me in offering. That was incentive enough to make me peel my hands away from my burning cheeks, I snatched the cup and downed a generous sip of the bitter liquid, my eyes fluttering closed in satisfaction. Both the earthy smell and the rich taste never ceased to relax me, he really did know how to get in my good graces.

"You're speaking to the manager, and the manager apologizes profusely," I licked my lips, raising an eyebrow as I placed the cup back down, "Though you did tell the manager's friends that you were going on a romantic date together. Sounds an awful lot like slander to me, so maybe the manager was justified." He ran his fingers through his tousled dirty blonde hair before waving a hand, lofting, "A technicality. Either way we both know you love me regardless."

I leaned forward, resting my chin in my hand as I batted my eyelashes mockingly. "I call bullshit, Nikolai Lantsov."

He held my gaze in playful challenge for a brief moment before his attention was diverted by Alexei, who strolled back behind the counter before jumping at the sight of Nikolai.

"Thanks for ratting me out, Alexei," Nikolai tilted his head pointedly. Alexei reddened, crossing his arms loosely over his chest. "My loyalties lie with Alina," he sniffed. Nikolai let out a laugh, bright and slightly off kilter, a familiar sound that never failed to make my heart warm. "Don't all of ours," he winked at me, tapping his fingers lightly against the counter. I stuck my tongue out in childish retaliation.

"Just kiss already," Alexei chirped, immediately darting away into the sea of bookshelves when I tossed him a dirty look over my shoulder.

When I turned back around, Nikolai's eyebrow was arched suggestively. "Don't even think about it, trust fund," I grumbled, narrowing my eyes when he grinned in response.

"Well after that amazingly kind rejection, I must be going, my beloved," he pushed himself up off the counter to his full, towering height. It was impossible to hide the instinctive wilt of my body, as much as I loved Alexei, Nikolai could brighten my day like no one else. "Thanks for stopping by and for the coffee," I grasped the warm paper cup, lifting it pointedly. "You're so very welcome, I'll see you later Starkov," he waved, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his wool coat and walking out with lazy steps, whistling an off key tune as he exited the store.

No more than a second passed before Alexei's sing song voice floated out from behind a bookcase.

"He likes you, Alina..."

My fingers pressed to my temples.

"I swear to god Alexei, say that again and I promise I will throw an extra thick hardback at your stupid head."

***

"Genya, I would fully appreciate you walking me all the way to the lab if I actually thought you were doing it for the right reasons," I flashed her a half-serious half-playful glare, trying to peel her arm off from around my own. She scoffed, loftily adjusting her scarf with mock pretense. "Alina, I'm merely making sure that you get to your destination in one piece, is that so horrible?" I rolled my eyes reflexively in response. "Sure, Gen, that's what this is about and not spying on the mind-blowingly attractive asshole professor that's currently employing me. Or going to swoon over a certain socially inept super genius that is also employed by said professor."

She visibly considered for a moment before shrugging her shoulders loosely, the noncommittal gesture accompanied by a smug wink. I sighed, shouldering my bag as we approached the door of the lab.

"Hey, Ivan," I greeted the security guard in a rather lackluster manner. He responded with little enthusiasm, a glowering look that passed over the two of us with mild disdain. My fingers quickly darted over the pin pad, punching in the code and unlocking the door. As usual, the lab was sparsely populated. I had come to realize over the past couple of weeks that Aleksander trusted practically no one with his research, there was only about five research assistants even allowed to touch his equipment.

"Wow Starkov, this is official stuff," Genya surveyed the room, sliding a finger along one of the pristine countertops as we made our way to the back of the room. As usual, David was already there, intensely poring over stacks of data analyses. I couldn't hold back an amused smile as Genya's eyes lit up with excitement at the sight of him. "Hey David," she chirped, striding over to his side in record time. He continued to type on the lab computer, his fingers flying over the keyboard with practically unfathomable speed. Genya tossed her glossy waves over one shoulder, I almost laughed at David's clear obliviousness. Finally, she pressed her hand down over his, making him startle and look up at her with rapid blinks. 

She raised a perfectly manicured brow. "Hey." 

"Genya," he cleared his throat after a long pause, "I wasn't expecting to see you here." She snorted, her hand closing around my arm and dragging me into her side. "You work with my best friend, remember?" she pointed at me for emphasis. He looked between the two of us, his hair comically disheveled and his glasses just slightly askew. "Yes, an interesting coincidence," he squinted at me before averting his eyes back to the computer screen. Genya flashed me a look that conveyed something along the lines of _what the fuck why do I even like this guy_. I stifled a laugh.

"Miss Starkov, I'd like to speak with you in my office. Now."

My whole body tensed at the sudden smooth, alluring sound of Professor Morozova's voice coming from behind me. 

Slowly, I turned, extricating my arm from Genya's grip and meeting his impassively cool stare. "Sure," I cleared my throat. He beckoned lazily with his fingers, promptly turning on his heels and disappearing back through his door. When I looked to Genya, she had the wickedest smirk I had ever seen plastered to her red painted lips. "You'll be fine out here? You might want to leave soon," I ignored her smug expression. She nodded, raising an eyebrow and gesturing in Aleksander's direction, "Better get in there, Alina. Seems important." I flashed her a halfhearted glare, a deep sigh emptying from my lungs before, reluctantly, I followed him into his office, my movements stiff with tension.

Somehow he had already sat down and settled to an almost exaggeratedly relaxed position, his arms loosely folded over his chest.

I flashed a thin smile. "What did you want to speak to me about, sir?"

His lips twitched into a slight curve upwards, though the look held no warmth. "You know there are no guests allowed in this lab."

I had to restrain myself from rolling my eyes. "She was just saying hi to David, she didn't touch a single thing," I responded evenly, working to conceal my annoyance. The first time he initiated a conversation in weeks and _this_ is what it was about?

"Alina, do you know who I am?" he mildly spoke, his fingers coming to rest on his lips.

_A royal pain in the ass_.

My teeth gritted together, I didn't reply. He gestured around to the plaques and prestigious awards lining the walls around him, all encased in pristine glass. "I didn't get to where I am in this field by trusting other people not to steal my research. See to it that it doesn't happen again."

My cheeks flushed with heat. Slowly, my clenched teeth bit into a tight smile. "Yes, sir."

Something indiscernible flickered in his eyes at my words. It was fleeting, the neutral mask reappearing almost immediately. He stood back up, silently searching through his stacks of documents with long, slender fingers. I cursed the immediate sinful turn of my thoughts. He was just the epitome of a complete asshole and yet I still couldn't help but think about him taking me up against the wall. I exhaled a soft, shaky breath as he selected a clipped folder from the pile in front of him, offering it to me.

"I'd like your eyes on these sets of hypotheses," he watched me intently as I took it, I quickly flipped through its contents under the heat of his eyes. Similar to the work that I had done on the first day in the lab, it was mostly concerning the use of stem cells in curative treatments to terminal neurological diseases. "Isn't David running these experiments?" I raised a brow. He nodded. "I would like someone competent overseeing this."

I couldn't help but snort at the response. He really was the textbook definition of a pretentious asshole.

"I would assume that you are the only competent one," I tilted my head to the side mockingly.

A bemused look twisted at his soft pink lips. "By that logic I suppose you should be assisting me instead, Miss Starkov."

I didn't do well at subduing the icy jolt of surprise that travelled through my body. A weak attempt at a laugh fell from my mouth, my heartbeat had sped up to an erratic flutter almost immediately at the proposition. "Okay then," I lifted my shoulders in a slight, half shrug that feigned nonchalance.

If he noticed my briefly adverse reaction he didn't acknowledge it, instead gently pulling the folder from my still outstretched hand, beckoning me to follow as he exited his office. My fingers twisted together nervously in front of me as I trailed behind him. The several people populating the lab, a few research assistants and a couple of administrators, stared at us blatantly as we passed. A quick scan of the room confirmed Genya had left, allowing me to release the tense breath I had been holding.

I narrowly missed running into Aleksander as he stopped in front of a heavy metal cabinet, producing a key from his pocket and unlocking it. I bit down on my lip to keep myself from laughing as he pulled out a black lab jacket and expensive looking lab goggles. He noticed my expression almost immediately, tilting his head slightly. "What, Alina?" I shrugged, a smirk pulling at my lips. "Your dedication to your aesthetic is impressive, professor." There was a brief pause, my smirk faltered as he regarded me silently. "I like black," he finally smiled in amusement, his quartz eyes glimmering with humor.

My teeth dug further into my lower lip as he turned away, striding toward the largest lab station that was already prepped and ready for testing. I made my own way over to the community supply closet, grabbing a white lab coat and weathered goggles and quickly slipping them on. My eyes flickered over to him sliding out several Petri dishes from the cooler, promptly calibrating the microscope and instruments with dextrous ease. His lab coat clung to his lean, muscled frame, his sharp jawline on full display as he leaned forward and pressed his eye to the microscope. A shaky exhale left my lips.

How did he manage to make a lab coat and goggles look so _good?_

Tension slithered through my limbs, my teeth finding the inside of my cheek and biting down viciously as I made my way over to him. Maybe the pain would keep me from acting on the urge to pounce on him like a fucking wild animal.

"So what are we doing," I asked conversationally, silently proud at the casual tone I had managed. He withdrew from the microscope, his attention moving over to the file and his index finger subsequently trailing down the list of preexisting trial data. "The aim is ultimately to replicate neural activity by creating a three dimensional model from pluripotent stem cells," he impassively spoke, tipping the contents of the Petri dish onto the glass sampling tray. Fucking hell, he was almost unfathomably intelligent. My head tilted forward in a slow nod as I dumbly tried to wrap my head around even the concept of essentially growing a human brain from preexisting cells. "So the stem cells have the ability to differentiate into different types of cells," I murmured to myself, shifting closer and running my fingers over the containers holding various bacteria and viruses. He nodded, drawing back from the microscope again and using a metal prod to sample the liquid. The muscles in his jaw clenched the slightest fraction.

"May I look?" I asked mildly, shifting closer to him. He looked down at me, his eyes briefly flickering over the curve of my neck and making a trill of excitement skip down my spine.

"Tie your hair back, Starkov, you know the rules," he scolded, making me wilt slightly.

"Sorry, sir," I cleared my throat, quickly tangling my hair into a messy bun before leaning forward, pressing my eye to the scope. I was met with a sea of hazy spherical shapes, clearly undifferentiated. A low hum of understanding escaped my lips. "So I take it you haven't found a virus with the genomes yet that can make them develop into pluripotent stem cells," I nodded in understanding, straightening back up and glancing at him. My breath hitched as I realized how close we were, he had moved to hover over me and our bodies were now dangerously close to pressing against one another. He didn't seem to take notice, reaching around me and plucking a virus strain from the top of the stack of different types.

"That is where you come in," he smiled wanly, pressing the first dish into my hand. My lips parted in disbelief, my gaze shifting to the stacks upon stacks of plastic containers. "Seriously?" I asked, a slight scoff escaping my lips. His head dipped slightly, he bent forward the smallest measure.

"Seriously. Get to work Starkov."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did I mention this is a slow burn? *ahem*
> 
> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)
> 
> p.s. if anyone knows how to fix these stupid glitching comments your help would be much appreciated


	7. that is a valid point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its before 1am and I say thats a win
> 
> before anything else, theres a *TRIGGER WARNING* for sexual assault-ish events (not extreme or severe)
> 
> also after you read the very first scene here's a link to the dress for reference: https://www.barneys.com/product/j.-mendel-embellished-pleated-tulle-gown-505822830.html
> 
> hmmm what else... this chapter is light on aleks but the next two chapters are just DROWNING in alarkling interactions so let that get you through the long nights of waiting
> 
> enjoy <3

The door to my room slammed open, making me startle as I looked up from my laptop. "What are you wearing to the event on Friday?" Nikolai was standing in the entry with a devilish smirk, Genya hovering behind him looking equally mischievous with something obviously held in her hands behind her back. "I hadn't thought about it yet," I raised an eyebrow in question. More accurately, I knew that Genya was most definitely going to insist on squeezing me into one of her dramatically sexy gowns and I would have no say in the matter regardless of if I had given it thought or not. "Well, I think _we_ found what you're going to wear then, my beautiful, gorgeous best friend," Genya batted her eyelashes innocently, both of them gradually making their way over to me in a manner akin to lions stalking their prey. I swiveled in my chair, folding my arms tightly over my chest. "No, you did not buy something for me to wear." They shared a look. "Now Alina, don't be difficult," Nikolai grinned widely as Genya produced a shiny black box crested with a distinct double "c" logo.

My jaw dropped open.

"You did not get me a Chanel dress to wear!" I shot up from my chair, my voice dangerously close to an angry shriek. "Alina, my love," Nikolai took a couple steps toward me, his lips sealing together as if he was suppressing the urge to laugh. "No, there is no way, that is so fucking unnecessary and I refuse," I flashed him a glare, swatting at Genya as she attempted to grab my arm. "Alina, at least look at it, we went through all of the trouble of picking it out, after all," she pouted her lips, feigning sadness. I eyed the box, my fingers twitching at my sides in irritation.

Finally, my curiosity won over.

"Okay, fine, but I'm just looking," I narrowed my eyes, snatching the box from her. Nikolai's triumphant smile quickly faded when I shot him a heated scowl. Slowly, I pried the heavy lid off and peered uncertainly at the contents. 

A gown made of the most luxurious black chiffon lay inside, the plunging neckline speckled with the faintest sparkling diamonds. Next to it was a pair of sky high stilettos, black velvet pumps with gold leaves twisting around the back of the heel.

They had to have cost a fortune.

"I can't accept this, Nikolai, seriously," I breathed, my fingers ghosting over the airy fabric before I looked up at him, eyes wide. "Yes, you can," he and Genya chorused in unison. "Alina, you deserve something nice for once, come on please," Genya insisted, stomping her foot for emphasis. A groan left my lips, my shoulders slumping as felt my resolve slowly shatter.

"Yes, that's my girl," Nikolai whooped, enthusiastically high fiving Genya. "You're both the epitome of immature," I grumbled, carefully placing the box on my desk and sliding the lid back on with a gentle, cautious press of my fingertips. "You love us," Genya winked, slinging her arms around me and pulling me into a hug. I felt Nikolai join in as well, squeezing me tightly. "Okay, that's enough physical affection for one day," I wheezed within their suffocating grip, desperately worming my way out from their hold.

"I'm going to have so much fun with you," Genya smirked, eyeing me as up and down if I was a particularly juicy piece of meat. 

A sour grimace turned at my lips. "I'm sure you will. Don't expect me to enjoy it though."

***

The blaring music and vibrating bass was doing nothing for my splitting headache, though even more aggravating was the string of exceedingly drunk people constantly knocking into me and spilling their drinks, laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world as they stumbled around incoherently. I had no idea why or how I had let Genya convince me into coming out to a frat party with her tonight, but regardless, it had happened. Something about a promise that I definitely didn't remember making. Ironically, Genya had vanished a few hours ago, though  admittedly I didn't blame her for trying to escape my dark cloud of brooding. She and I were almost total opposites, she was extroverted and loved to go out and have fun and meet people, and I just, well, _didn't_.

Case and point, currently I was sitting alone next to the makeshift bar staring sullenly down at my third consecutive cup of mixed drink containing I had no idea what whilst actively avoiding eye contact with anyone. An exhale escaped heavily from my lungs, I tentatively took another sip of the drink, grimacing at the burning taste of alcohol sliding down my throat.

"Hey Alina," a voice slurred, making me startle at being called out by name. I turned, seeing one of Mal's friends leaning precariously over the counter, fumbling with a liquor bottle in an attempt to make another drink. "Hey Mikhail," I smiled thinly in response, mostly due to the fact that he was obviously black out drunk and very likely wouldn't remember a second of this exchange tomorrow.

Another drink. I coughed, my eyes watering.

"Alina," Mikhail tried to bat at me to get my attention again, almost falling over as he lurched forward. "What," I sighed as I rolled my eyes, rubbing at the back of my sore neck with a soft press of fingertips. He squinted at me, almost as if trying to discern if I was really there or not.

"Mal would want to see you," he finally determined, his voice promptly increasing in volume to a loud yell, "Oretsev, your girl is here!"

Wild panic washed over me, I shot up from my chair in terrified immediacy. The world tilted in a sickening manner as my surroundings blurred heavily for a brief moment. 

Shit, I was definitely drunker than I had thought. This was most definitely not good. 

I steadied myself against the side of the counter, rapidly working to blink away the dizziness. A hazy sense of fear tingled at my fingertips as I registered the sight of a blurry Mal emerging from the sea of drunken people, his gaze fastening on me with hawklike intensity. 

_Oh, fuck_. 

I stumbled, grabbing for my bag and immediately heading in the opposite direction as fast as I possibly could. "Alina!" he shouted, making me flinch on instinct, my steps quickening. God dammit, where the fuck was Genya when I needed her? "Alina, I'm sorry, c'mere," Mal's called, his callused hand subsequently catching my wrist and forcefully halting my path with a violent jerk backward. "Mal, seriously, I thought I made myself clear," I turned around swiftly as I pulled at his grip, attempting to appear confident and in control when in reality the quick movement had almost made me throw up on the floor.

He was as drunk as I had ever seen him, a beer clutched in his free hand as he proceeded to yank me closer. "Let's just put this all behind us," he mumbled almost incoherently, his grip closing tightly around the back of my neck to drag me closer. "I don't want to," I insisted weakly, the words thick and heady in my mouth. His fingers dug in painfully, his hot, alcohol infused breath washing over me as he growled, "I know you do Alina, stop lying." I desperately looked to the people around us, my voice increasing in volume, "Please, let me go!"

He laughed, suddenly all spite and malice and wicked satisfaction as he shoved me back against the wall, pinning me there. "No one's gonna help you Alina, you're all mine to take," he bared his teeth in a grin before his mouth sloppily landed over my own.

My body thrashed, I tried to pull away from his iron grip to no avail. His tongue ran over my lips, he pressed me further into him, the sound of glass shattering assaulting my ears when he dropped his beer so he could grab my ass with his other hand. I let out a muffled scream, desperately trying to jerk back to break his hold, my fists slamming wildly against his hard chest. His hand moved to slide up my shirt, managing to grasp at my chest despite my wild struggle.

Then suddenly, he pulled away.

More accurately, he was yanked away from me and subsequently violently punched to the floor by a very angry looking Nikolai.

"Try that again, Oretsev, and I'll have my father get you kicked out of the fucking school," he hissed, looking down at Mal with such anger and hatred it was mildly frightening.

"Fuck you, Lantsov, she's never gonna fuck you, why don't you just give it up already," Mal clutched at his nose that was now gushing with blood, teeth bared into a snarl.

My cheeks flared with a mixture of fury and embarrassment.

"Some people understand the meaning of the word no, genius," Nikolai narrowed his eyes.

By now the party had completely quieted, all eyes were on the three of us as the music continued to play obnoxiously in the background. I was, by every definition of the word, speechless. I swallowed hard as me and Nikolai's eyes met, my lower lip trembling with the effort it took not to burst into angry tears in front of everyone. "Come on, Alina, let's get out of here," he gently grasped for my arm, turning to Mal one last time and spitting on him. The room was deathly silent, the crowd parting like a sea as we made our way through as quickly as humanly possible.

"Alina, you're not seriously fucking leaving with that prick!" Mal shouted after us, his words dripping with poison. My eyes tightly shut of their own accord, the lump in my throat too painfully large to even form a retort as I merely pushed open the front door. Nikolai grabbed the frame, slamming it behind us, still seething as we emerged into the chilly night air.

I found myself unable to utter a single word to even so much as thank him, our feet against the pavement quickly became the only sound between us as we naturally started to follow the familiar path back to campus. My cheeks were still burning hot with humiliation, my hands clenched at my side as we walked. 

Finally Nikolai broke the tense silence.

"Alina, are you okay," he murmured softly, attempting to meet my gaze with somber hazel eyes. I had never seen him look more serious, not even a hint of humor present in the mournful turn of his lips. "I'm fine," I mumbled, casting my eyes down to my feet. Nauseatingly, I could still feel the forceful aggression of Mal's lips against mine, his hands grasping at my skin and sliding up my shirt. A sickening shiver slid down my spine. Nikolai was silent for a moment as his teeth found his lower lip, uncertainty plainly written all over his features. I watched my shaky breaths frost white in the darkness.

"It's fine if you're not, Alina, I'm here for you," he softly spoke.

Every inhale suddenly felt like a knife buried in my chest, my steps halting with a heavy stumble.

"How could he do that do me." The words came out in a ragged sob wrought with a mixture of shame and loathing.

Immediately Nikolai enveloped me in his arms, my head instinctively falling against his warm chest at the comfort of his embrace. "I'll kill him, I swear," he bit out as I cried, the tears hot and unrelenting as they coursed down my cheeks in waves. How could I have been so stupid? Why, for one second, did I think I could go out and have a good time for once?

It felt like hours, but gradually the sobs faded into soft whimpers, my breaths stilted and my fingers digging into his shirt, bunching the fabric under my grip. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have had to get in the middle of our shit like that," I breathed, my eyes tightly shutting as he pulled away the slightest measure. He let out a soft sigh in response, I felt his warm fingers gently push back the strands of hair sticking the the wet trails of tears on my cheeks. "I hope you know I'd do anything for you, Alina Starkov, I'd gladly get in the middle of your shit any day," he weakly laughed. I cracked my puffy eyes open, a miserable smile pulling at my lips. "It's one of your more endearing traits," I admitted teasingly, swiping at the remaining tears collecting in the corners of my eyes.

He flashed me a lopsided, mournful grin that quickly faded as his eyes flickered over my face. Cautiously, he leaned forward, his lips gently pressing against my forehead. My eyes fluttered closed reflexively, a strange feeling twisting in the pit of my stomach. His mouth lingered, warm against my skin before he pulled away, awkwardly clearing his throat.

"Let's get you back to your dorm, it's freezing out here." I nodded fervently. My body was almost numb with cold and I quickly became well aware of it, grabbing his hand to try and steal some of his warmth. He winced, struggling to cover up the instinctive reaction with a sharp laugh.

"Oh my god, your hand Nikolai!" I gasped, pulling it up to my eye level in hasty concern. His knuckles were bruised and swollen, dried blood rimming the puffy, cracked skin. "It's nothing," he waved me away proudly, though his grimace when I lightly ran my fingertips over the back of his hand was telling in how much pain he was actually in. "I'm taking you back to my room and fixing this up, no protests," I firmly glared when he opened his mouth to do just that. He conceded with a soft sigh.

"Okay, Starkov. But I know it's only because I'm a devilishly handsome patient."

***

Genya burst into our room in a whirlwind, tears in her eyes as she knocked Nikolai aside and threw her arms around me. "I'm so sorry Alina, I never should have left you by yourself," she practically bawled, burying her face into my neck and nearly suffocating me in her tight grip. Me and Nikolai shared a look, an amused smile pulling at my lips. "It's okay Genya, it's not your fault, I'm not mad at you I swear," I patted her back in consolation.

In the three hours after what we were now referring to as 'the incident' I had quickly bandaged Nikolai up before we proceeded to watch Netflix while competing who could come up with a better insult about Mal. Nikolai was currently winning with _'he's the kind of a man you'd use as a blueprint to build an idiot'._ The horror of the previous events of the night had gradually faded with the help of laughter and some affectionate shoving; Nikolai never failed to surprise me at how good he was at being comforting despite his massively large ego.

After several minutes Genya pulled away, her jaw clenched stubbornly. "I'll kill him, Alina." My eyes widened reflexively, I pressed a hand to my mouth to stifle my laugh. "I already covered the violence part," Nikolai held up his white bandaged knuckles pointedly, winking in my direction. "He did," I affirmed, a grin making its way onto my lips despite everything. "Well," she sighed, looking hilariously flustered, "As long as he didn't hurt you." My thoughts immediately went to the bruises blooming across my torso and wrists. "Nope," I lied quickly, clearing my throat and turning my attention back towards the movie I had stopped watching long ago. I could almost feel her suspicion, but surprisingly she didn't press me any further, instead flopping down next to me and Nikolai in a sullen heap.

"I'll still kill him," she promised after a moment. Another laugh bubbled from my lips, sending a pang of soreness up my aching side. "I believe you Genya, trust me, you were most definitely an assassin in another life," I smirked. She rolled her eyes in response, shooting Nikolai a glare when he snickered. "Don't encourage her, she should be wanting me to kill him!" she crossed her arms, a half hearted scowl making her nose crinkle just slightly. "Kill people with kindness is what I always say," I blew her a kiss. She made a grumbling noise, clearly a sound of disapproval as she pretended to bat it away. 

Funnily enough, it just so happened that the next morning I changed my mind to agree with her wholeheartedly. 

I was going to kill Mal.

***

A dark cloud could have very well been storming over my head when I walked into the lab, a permanent glower settled onto my features. Harshaw's eyes widened in alarm when I approached, he held his hands up immediately in surrender. "Whatever I did, I apologize and beg you for your forgiveness." A low grumble left my lips, I snatched a lab coat and goggles from the supply closet before stalking back over to him and David. They both stared at me in mild terror as I approached.

"If I may, is there something wrong? What happened?" Harshaw hesitantly asked, flashing me a wide, albeit terrified, grin. My teeth ground together so hard I suspected I had managed to scrape all of the enamel off in seconds.

"What, you don't know yet? Apparently practically the whole freshman class has been fed this bullshit story that my ex boyfriend supposedly rejected me after I tried to throw myself at him, when in reality he tried to fucking rape me at a party." I was met with stunned silence.

Harshaw opened his mouth after a long moment, but I immediately cut him off in impatience. "So what is this stupid assignment," I snapped. David adjusted his glasses nervously, gesturing limply to the Petri dishes laid out next to them, "Just more virus testing for differentiation." A twinge of frustration twisted in my chest. "This is such a fucking waste of time, it's completely stupid to be doing this," I grumbled. 

"Oh is it?"

I froze.

_Fuck_.

Harshaw and David were both staring in horror at the owner of the voice coming from behind me. My mouth soured. Why the hell was my luck the absolute fucking _worst?_

Slowly, I turned around, meeting Professor Morozova's expectant stare, his arms folded loosely over his broad chest. I flashed the thinnest of smiles, shifting my weight into one hip. 

The words were out of my mouth before I could even stop to think about the repercussions. "It is, Professor, _with all due respect_. It's a waste of my time, and to be candid with you I don't have the patience to do your meaningless tests today." 

The corner of his lips quirked upwards, a half smile that was anything but warm.

"Give me and Miss Starkov some privacy," he addressed Harshaw and David emotionlessly, his eyes not leaving mine. I held his stare in silent challenge as they scurried away from the lab station as if their lives depended on it, leaving us in tense silence.

"Meaningless?" he finally questioned pointedly, the single word somehow terrifyingly menacing. I pushed away the flicker of fear tingling at my fingertips, setting my shoulders and tilting my chin up slightly. "It really is. I mean, did you ever think of switching the type of cells you're trying to differentiate instead? We haven't made any progress with these, but for some reason we're continuing to waste time trying every single possible strain of virus known to man. It's utterly and completely pointless." I paused for a brief moment, contemplating before adding a curt, "Sir." The curl of his lips faded, his eyes hardened as he silently analyzed me, his gaze shamelessly roving across my face.

"In the future, if you have complaints about the research you're conducting, you can turn in formal paperwork to my office," he uttered in an almost dangerously soft tone.

Suddenly my emboldening anger faded, under his scathingly intense gaze I felt pitifully small. He was one of the most successful neuroscientists of our time, what the hell was I thinking criticizing him?

My lips parted to begin a string of profuse apologies, but he interrupted before I could manage to get a single word out.

"Seeing as you've so graciously brought it to my attention in person, I will say that is a valid point, Alina, and I will take it under consideration," he rested a finger to his lips in the pretense of thought. My hands that had been previously clenched tightly at my sides slowly released their tension in quiet relief, my cheeks pinking slightly in embarrassment as I exhaled. A silent challenge of a question remained in his eyes, his head tilting slightly as he regarded me. "In the meantime I'll get to work on those tests," I relented.

"Good," he coolly responded.

As I turned away, I pushed up my sleeve to scratch at an itch crawling up my arm, an absentminded movement.

His next words made me jerk to a halt.

"Alina, are those _bruises_?" 

I stilled, my eyes closing in denial for the briefest moment. My bad luck was laughing quite wickedly at me once again.

His fingertips grazed over the sensitive skin, making my breath hitch.

"It's nothing," I jerked my arm away, quickly yanking my sleeve back down and meeting his darkened eyes with an air of defiance. "Don't tell me those are from that fraternity boy," he spoke the question with no intonation, turning the words into more of a statement than anything. I didn't trust myself to reply, remaining stubbornly silent.

The muscles at his jaw tightened, and for a terrifying second he looked undeniably...  _dangerous_. Everything seemed to still.

And then it passed, the dark glimmer in his eyes faded, his body language morphing back to passive in a split second. "I will have the authorities throw him out of this school if need be, Miss Starkov, you just say the word," he articulated emotionlessly, his gaze roaming my face, analyzing me. I silently nodded, exhaling as he turned, stiffly walking away and promptly disappearing back into his office. 

A shiver slid down my spine as I hastily got back to work. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> possessive/protective aleks is so hot don't @ me 
> 
> as always with my work, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	8. whatever i want you to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: updates are not going to be consistently on sundays anymore for the time being. I will try my best but im guessing twice a month instead of four times a month. I know it sucks, but school comes first :(
> 
> I actually love this chapter a lot, theres so much good alarkling content, its also longer than usual (4k words!) so holla this will definitely be enough to sate your appetite before the next chapter which is also going to be one of my favorites so far. 
> 
> quick reminder that >> is alina and << is whoever is texting her 
> 
> enjoy! <3
> 
> p.s. the end of the slow burn tag is imminent! (well, kind of. you'll see eventually)

"Stay out here, if I need help I'll call for you," I grimly told Genya and Tolya and Tamar, my hands clenching at my sides as I looked up at the intimidating entrance of Mal's frat house. The porch was littered with red solo cups, spilled drinks and pizza boxes and what easily could have been vomit, only furthering the disgusting appearance.

 _Perfect for Mal, then_.

"Don't hesitate, Alina," Tamar crossed her arms over her chest, "I took a knife throwing class once, I can absolutely fuck him up." A nervous laugh escaped my lips as Genya gave her a terrified look, taking a purposeful step away from where she was standing. Tolya looked less than surprised, he rolled his eyes, folding his arms over his broad chest.

"Please don't kill anyone, Tamar, I think I'll be fine," I let out a shaky breath, setting my shoulders and tilting my chin up in a facade of confidence.

"Good luck, kick his ass," Genya cheered halfheartedly, her amber eyes frustratingly pitying. "If he puts a hand on you just scream and I will destroy him," Tolya regarded me seriously, cracking his knuckles for emphasis. "That's my brother," Tamar crowed, clapping him on the back several times in approval. "No destroying," I shook my head slightly, swallowing hard as I turned on my heels to face the house.

My hands clenched tightly at my sides, stiffly, I walked up the porch steps, the weathered wood creaking softly underfoot, almost as if they were whispering unintelligible words of miserable warning. A ripple of panic made my breath hitch. I had never been one for confrontation, and starting out with my lifelong best friend was a daunting task.

But there was no way I was backing down now.

I wasn't going to be a little mouse anymore, that was for fucking sure.

I grasped the doorknob, turning it and throwing the door open. "Where the fuck is Malyen fucking Oretsev!" I yelled, my anger reigniting in its overwhelming red hot fury as I stormed into the filthy living room filled with frat boys lounging and playing video games on beer stained couches. They all looked up at me simultaneously, collective surprise, then recognition of who I was quickly passing over their faces. I picked out Mikhail in the crowd, jabbing my finger in his direction, "Go get Mal and bring his ass down here right now."

The room was silent save for the muted sound of video game noises coming from headsets. 

" _Right. Now._ " I seethed, my teeth baring into a snarl.

At that Mikhail immediately sprung up from his beanbag chair, hastily responding, "I think he's sleeping upstairs, I'll go get him." I nodded stiffly, shifting my weight into my hip and crossing my arms tightly over my chest as he darted from the room, leaving me to a sea of frat boys dumbly staring at me with mouths agape. My fingers tapped against my forearm restlessly, my jaw clenching as my teeth gritted together. "You can stop looking at me now," I finally broke the silence with a dirty glower, immediately causing the majority of them to awkwardly shift their attention, proceeding to quietly talk amongst themselves as someone hastily unpaused their game.

"Alina?"

My eyes flickered up to see Mal standing on the stairs, Mikhail hovering uncertainly behind him. He looked awful, his clothes in disarray and his eyes rimmed with red.

"Sorry for waking you at the early hour of 2pm," I smiled in the most sickly sweet fashion I was physically capable of, "We have some things to discuss." He rubbed his face with the back of his callused hand, letting out a long, tired sigh before making his way down the stairs, Mikhail trailing him with hesitant steps.

"What is it Alina, I'm fucking hungover," he grunted, walking past me and beckoning for me to follow. I shadowed his lazy steps, he trudged a ways down the empty hallway before stopping and looking down at me in mild exasperation. My formerly suppressed rage was quickly rising back to the surface, a hot glare burning in my eyes as I looked up at him.

"You have the audacity to ask me that, Malyen Oretsev? _What is it?_ Oh, I don't know, maybe I'm here because I want to get back together. Or _actually_ , maybe I'm here because you fucking _sexually assaulted me_ last night and then had the audacity to tell all of your stupid frat buddies that I threw myself at you, and like the manly man you are you decided to reject me because I'm so unbelievably crazy and desperate. Maybe that's it you fucking thick headed prick."

The look on his face might have been comical in a different context, it was as if he had just gotten an especially harsh scolding from Ana Kuya herself.

"Look Alina," he let out a soft groan, running his hands through his matted hair, "I have a reputation to uphold, I didn't have any other choice. Besides, you're the one that was resisting, it wasn't even a big deal and I just... missed you."

I could have strangled him.

"A reputation?" I laughed bitterly, my chest aching with the sting of the implication, "Your reputation is apparently more important than your former best friend of twenty years, did I get that right? I should be flattered that you even missed me, seeing as I'm nothing compared to you, right Mal? You're the big, strong, popular football player that everyone loves and no one could possibly reject you, especially not your old orphan friend that looks like she hasn't eaten a thing in her whole life. Is that right?"

My voice dropped to a hiss. 

"You know what, I changed my mind. I think I should be flattered that you even found me attractive enough to sexually assault, I should really be thanking you. Isn't that right, Mal?"

Sarcasm and venom dripped from every word. Surprisingly, he wilted just slightly under my withering stare, his teeth digging into his lower lip as he looked anywhere but me.

"Look Alina, this is just the way things are now, I can't do anything about it."

It was almost shocking, how strong the swell of hurt was that crested over me in a intense wave. Tears burned at the edges of my vision, my breaths were ragged.

"Okay then Mal, I get it. Consider this to be the end of our friendship then. I hope it'll be worth it to you in the end."

He startled, shock flickering in his ice blue eyes. "Alina-"

I turned away, every step a physical pain that throbbed through every single fiber of my being. The house was dead silent, my cheeks heating in shame as I walked past the near motionless living room, their stares burning through me indicative that they had heard everything. My hands were shaking as I grasped for the doorknob, pushing it open and staggering onto the porch. Tears flooded my cheeks as almost instantaneously I fell into the arms of Genya and Tamar. 

Even if I hated what he had become, I couldn't help but mourn over what had just happened.

I had lost my best friend. 

***

The end of my pencil tapped restlessly against my leg, I silently watched as Aleksander deftly set up for the lab demonstration in front of the hall filled with obnoxiously loud students. Every time he glanced up I hastily looked away, I couldn't meet his eyes after what had happened in his lab a few days ago. The bruises Mal had left that littered my arms and torso had since faded slightly to a faint purplish-gray tinged with green, but they were still uncomfortably recognizable as what they were. A sharp inhale tightened my chest at the memory of the dangerous look in Aleksander's eye, the sudden rapid shift in his behavior when he had first caught sight of my arm. It was mildly disconcerting, yet somehow still alluring, a brief glimpse at a protective side of him that I only seen once before in front of a coffee shop.

"Today I will be demonstrating how to utilize the zebrafish as a model to analyze neural circuits," Aleksander coolly silenced the room, propping himself up lazily against the side of his lab table and loosely crossing his arms over his chest. I thumbed over the eraser of my pencil, scanning over the complicated equipment carefully arranged beside him. "The small brain and transparency enables one to more easily quantitively analyze the circuit structure and function and measure the neural activity patterns by optical imaging," he continued, quirking an eyebrow for emphasis, "Though I assure you, more easily does not equate to not difficult, let us make that quite clear. Your results and their accuracy will count for fifteen percent of your grade, therefore I would pay very close attention to this demonstration." I flicked my pencil into place over my paper in preparation to take notes, the lead hovering in position above the first line. He took a few lazy steps, making his way behind the table and resting his hands on the resin surface. 

"Since I'll be needing an assistant, Miss Starkov, why don't you come help, seeing as you already have experience working in my labs?" 

Every eye in the classroom turned to look up at me. My blood turned to ice in my veins. 

He met my gaze expectantly, tilting his head the slightest measure in invitation. 

My breaths were shallow, my hands growing clammy with sweat as I stood up painfully slowly. It felt something like a dream as I descended the carpeted stairs, every step making my lungs constrict that much more. Finally, I made my way over to his side, my cheeks heating under the stares of the five hundred students looking down at us. He didn't hesitate, his dextrous hands started to calibrate equipment as he gestured an elegant finger towards a pair of lab goggles intended for my use. My heart was pounding wildly in my chest as I secured the pristinely clear vinyl into place over my eyes, the heat of his body entirely too close as I stood motionlessly next to him. It felt as if every movement, every exhale was screaming out to the room the sexual tension that was running hot through my veins.

"What would you like me to do, sir," I softly asked, soft enough that no one else could have heard the slight tremor to my words. "Whatever I want you to do," he hummed back, the possible double meaning behind his response making me flush even redder, heat crawling across my pale cheeks.

His voice raised slightly as he began to address the class again. "Multiphoton microscopy has had a resurgence in neuroscience due to the commercialization of high performance microscopes," he drawled, prepping the zebrafish and a few metal dissection tools along with the dauntingly intricate microscope. The scribble of pencils to paper filled the room.

"Hand me the forceps," he murmured to me, prompting me to hastily snatch the metal tool from the table and hand it to him. I didn't miss the slight quirk of his lips, a look hinting at mirth. I bit down mercilessly on the inside of my cheek, my teeth digging into the soft flesh. I had repeated the movement so often when I was in close proximity to him that a painful sore had begun to develop, now it stung with unbearable intensity. 

"This technique will be used to visualize activity patterns across different types of neurons, hence creating exceedingly advanced three dimensional imaging," he calibrated the microscope again, handing the forceps back to me. 

"Scalpel, Alina," he requested in that same infuriatingly seductive tone, one I was almost sure wasn't even purposeful. I switched out the tools, the metal digging cold against my skin as I passed it into his waiting hand. 

And that was how the whole class proceeded, my breaths slightly too erratic and my hands slightly too unsteady as I assisted him with his demonstration in front of a full lecture hall staring down at us. 

Once, our hands brushed. And if I wasn't mistaken, I could have sworn I saw a smile curl at his lips in reaction. 

***

The dusty smell of brittle paper filled my lungs as I inhaled deeply, trailing my fingernail down the margins of my chemistry textbook. I had highlighted the text with a variety of bright colors, smeared ink scrawled in the margins detailing main ideas and clarifying points and whatnot. "Only chiral moleculeshave enantiomers," I determined after a long moment of squinting at my nearly unintelligible notes. Alexei and I had decided to attend a study session, which I had increasingly found was a collection of tired college students staring blankly at me as I proceeded to essentially explain the whole course material to them.

"What are chiral molecules again," a boy grimaced, looking especially miserable as he scanned over his mess of a notebook. I worked to suppress the mildly devastated laugh forming on my lips, instead grabbing for my phone which was vibrating obnoxiously against the table. "Alexei, how about you take this one," I nudged his shoulder. He shot me a playfully dirty look as I got up, taking several steps away from the table before looking down at my phone. 

Three texts from an unknown number. 

A frown turned at my lips as I quickly opened my messaging.

My thumbs froze over my screen.

<< Alina. It's Professor Morozova.

<< I'm aware this is not within your scheduled hours of work, but I need you in the lab now.

<< Alone.

 _...Holy shit_.

My reply was typed and sent before I could stop myself.

>> how did you get my number?

Smooth, Alina, as fucking usual. 

Quickly, I darted back to my chair, my pulse fluttering entirely too fast in my chest. "Sorry, I realized I have a lab for assisting my professor's research that I forgot about," I laughed weakly, making Alexei narrow his eyes in suspicion. "You're leaving me? I thought we had dinner plans," he protested. My phone buzzed again, garnering my attention as I shoved the rest of my notebooks into my backpack and zipped it up in one smooth motion.

<< I have all of your information, Alina. You work for me, remember?

"Sorry, Alexei, duty calls," I blew him a kiss, turning around and quickly making my way over to the exit doors as I slung my backpack across my shoulders and typed out a hurried reply.

>> fine, that's valid

>> be there in ten

A smile plucked at my lips, an excitement fluttering in my stomach that I knew was entirely too dangerous. 

Fortunately or not, I didn't care. 

My steps quickened. 

***

I was almost bursting with nervous excitement when I finally jogged up to the lab entrance, my fingers flying over the pin pad before I shoved the door open.

Aleksander was at a lab station pouring over stacks upon stacks of papers, black curls falling into his wickedly excited eyes as he tested something. "Alina," he greeted without looking up, his calm tone not betraying even the slightest hint of the wild eagerness reflecting in his silver irises.

"What's so important that you needed me right now?" I let my bag drop rather unceremoniously to the floor next to the table, quickly tying my hair back with one hand.

He finally looked to me, briefly taking my breath away at the flawless lines of his features. "You're dressed up," he observed in a low murmur, his gaze tracing the curve of my figure clad in a cropped sweater and skirt. "Next time don't call me right before I planned on going out to dinner," I shrugged with a touch of sarcasm, "Now what is it?" He shook his head slightly, a bemused look on his lips. "Take a look, Miss Starkov," he beckoned, standing up and offering his seat in invitation. "I need my goggles first," I cleared my throat, moving to walk past him.

His hand closed around my arm, halting my path and making me let out a startled exhale. "Just wear mine," he impatiently spoke, slipping his expensive ones off and offering them to me in haste. It felt like I could hardly breathe with his fingers curved around my wrist, the feeling of his skin shockingly heated against mine. "Okay," I suppressed a shiver as he let go of me, grabbing the goggles from him and pulling them on over my head. Almost immediately my eyes were pressed to the glass of the microscope, I pulled away and scanned the dish and recorded data several times. Excitement coursed through my veins as I finally looked back to him.

"You got them to differentiate," I smiled, dimly surprised to find he was already grinning back.

"Yes, thanks to your lovely comment earlier about utilizing a different type of cell," he arched a brow, folding his arms over his chest, "These are skin cells from mice, I differentiated them with a few different viruses that targeted the genomes we needed." An elated laugh formed on my lips before I could stop it, I had the wild urge to throw my arms around him and hug him, which I fortunately suppressed with clenched fists. "This is huge!" I beamed, "You're going to be able to do so much good with this, Professor."

His head tilted slightly as he looked at me, the corner of his lips tugging upwards in amusement. "We, Alina. I want you credited as my official research assistant on this."

My eyes widened. The mere utterance of a "we" immediately sent goosebumps scattering down my arms.

"Are you sure," I laughed weakly, my teeth finding my lower lip. He nodded, his eyes slowly fading back to their calm, neutral grey. "We did this, together," he smoothly spoke, and for the briefest of moments I thought I caught his eyes flicker to my lips.

No, I had imagined that.

He had clearly lost interest in me, I was just trying to convince myself of something that wasn't even there.

"Well thanks for showing me, professor," I hummed, taking his goggles off and offering them back to him, "I'll get started on trying to develop that model first thing during my session tomorrow." His slender fingers wrapped around the strap of his eyewear, dangling from his fingertips as he intently watched me grab my things. His rosy lips parted as if he was going to say something more, but seemingly, he stopped himself. My gaze lingered on his unreadable stare. 

"Good night Professor Morozova."

A pause. 

"Good night, Miss Starkov."

***

I hissed softly in annoyance as Genya aggressively yanked a brush through my hair, my elbows resting heavily on the vanity table. "Oh shhh," she waved her hand in dismissal, breaking up the last few tangles before brandishing her curling iron as if it was a weapon. I sat in woefully sullen silence, not daring to protest as she burned my hair into oblivion. In fact, had lost my will to actively resist her long ago amidst her completely transforming my features with her expert hand at makeup.

"You know, this is entirely too much effort just for a friend date with Nikolai," I halfheartedly complained again, flashing her a smug grin when she shot me a playful glare. "I thought we agreed this is a real date," she tugged at my hair pointedly, "And furthermore, there's a going to be a lot of hot men there. I want my best friend looking her best when suitors are falling at her feet." I rolled my eyes despite the smile tugging at my lips. "There's going to be nothing but old pretentious snobs, I think I'll be alright."

She pouted her lips slightly, letting the last strand of curled hair fall into place before taking a step back to survey her work. A grin broke out on her lips almost immediately, her hip jutting out as she folded her arms over her chest. "I'm really good," she shook her head slightly in wicked satisfaction. With a dramatic flourish, she uncovered the mirror the from the sheet that she had insisted draping over it before she had started so that I couldn't see myself as she worked.

It probably looked cartoonish, how far my jaw dropped.

My eyes were alluring, dark lashes thick and curling around a deep smoky eye, soft silvery glitter pressed to my eyelids. My lips were painted a deep red, my cheekbones defined with a smooth brush of contour. Almost miraculously, the dark bags under my eyes were non existent, faded with the magic of perfectly blended concealer. My hair was glossy and curled into loose waves that framed my features, for once the dull brown silky and vibrant thanks to the hair mask she had insisted on using earlier.

Finally, I looked over at her, mouth agape.

"Yes, I know, now put on your heels and get the full experience," she smirked, shoving the entirely too high Chanel stilettos into my hands. I remained speechless as I silently put them on, wiggling my toes so they rested at least somewhat comfortably on my feet before standing and staring at myself in her floor length mirror. Genya whistled as I gawked rather shamelessly at my reflection. The dress was light as air against my skin and looked as such, the layers of black fabric floating airily around me, a stark contrast against my pale skin. The cut of the dress even gave me a semblance of curves, a feat that I had previously thought impossible.

"I don't care if they're all old and decrepit, every eye in the room is going to be on you, the mysterious girl on the arm of Nikolai Lantsov," she smirked proudly. Finally I was able to get out a strangled reply. "Thank you, Genya, you really worked a miracle," I breathed, smoothing my hands out over the dress with shaky fingers. Was this actually real life? She scoffed softly, reaching out and squeezing my hand, "You're beautiful even without make up, Starkov. I just enhanced it a little."

I rolled my eyes, pushing her shoulder.

A knock at our door immediately had a bundle of nerves clenching in the pit of my stomach.

My heels clicked softly against the floorboards as I crossed the room over to the door, easing it open. Nikolai stood on the other side, hands stuffed into the pockets of his sharply tailored black tuxedo, dirty blonde hair perfectly tousled, his hazel eyes even more striking than usual with the help of his matching turquoise silk tie. His lips parted, but for quite possibly the very first time since I had met him, he seemed speechless.

"Compliments to me!" Genya called gleefully from her bed. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"You look... amazing Alina," Nikolai finally breathed in a dumbfounded manner. I bit down on my lower lip as he proceeded to blink several times, as if snapping himself out of a trance. "Thanks," I smiled when the faraway stunned look gracing his features faded, clearing my throat softly as I clasped my hands together. "Well," he scratched the back of his neck, looking almost comically flustered, "Are you ready to go? The limo is waiting outside." I rolled my eyes teasingly.

Of fucking course he got a limo, why was I even the slightest bit surprised?

"Lead the way, mister trust fund," I smirked, arching a brow pointedly, daring him to challenge me. He snorted. "Normally I would argue with that, but seeing as we're heading to a gala that my father is announcing his political campaign at, I'll concede." I flashed him a grin, my nerves dissipating the second he returned it with a crooked smile of his own. Rather dramatically, he bowed, holding his arm out to me with a grand flourish. "My lady," he winked. "You know you're really annoying, right?" I questioned mockingly, my lips pressing together to suppress a laugh.

His grin grew wider. "Yes, and it makes me all the more lovable. Now come, my love, we have a party to go be miserable together at."

I couldn't help but laugh, my arm looping through his as he led me out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always with my work, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	9. what a coincidence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not going to lie- this is a long chapter which means two things:  
> 1\. yay! long chapter  
> 2\. I hate saying it but im most definitely not going to be updating for a fat minute. honestly probably the same wait as it was for this chapter. I really wish I could stick to updating once a week, but ive had to accept that its just not humanly possible at this point.  
> its been rough trying to keep up on all of my writing projects so I hope you understand that im a swamped college student double majoring with a minor and I get two hours a sleep a night. 
> 
> this chapter is a favorite of mine, so I hope you can forgive me. 
> 
> enjoy <3

The second we walked in to the banquet hall I immediately felt out of place. Despite my Chanel attire and the fact that I had Nikolai Lantsov on my arm, I knew I must have stuck out like a sore thumb among the quiet air of arrogance and sophistication everyone else exuded. "I know that look, Starkov," Nikolai murmured, tugging me straight towards a table across the marbled ballroom floor.

"The look of me regretting ever agreeing to come to this?" I spoke through gritted teeth, casting my eyes down to my feet as people blatantly stared at us as we passed.

"That's the one," he plastered on a fake smile and waved at a couple to our left as we approached our table with our placards centered on the delicate china plates.

"Nikolai, darling, you won't even stop for a second to say hello to your own mother?"

It took every bit of self control I had not the cringe at the sound of Nikolai's mother's voice. He sighed, stilling for a brief moment before reluctantly turning the both of us around to face her. "Must have missed you," he feigned innocence rather impressively, letting go of my arm and embracing her in a manner that would have made one think they hadn't seen each other in years. I had to give it to him, he was an exceptional actor. They drew back after a brief moment, my skin crawling with discomfort when her eyes promptly landed on me in mild distaste. She admittedly looked stunning in her blue gown, a feathered shawl draped around her arms and her makeup done to perfection. And yet upon closer inspection, her age was exceedingly apparent, plastic surgery and botox having made her features taught and sharp in an effort to erase her natural wrinkles.

"Mom, you remember Alina," Nikolai clasped his hands together in the pretense of politeness. I shifted under her piercing gaze, her ice blue eyes scathingly judgmental despite the smile on her lips. "Of course, Niki," she nodded before tilting her head and looking back to him, "Though not what I had in mind when I said to bring a respectable date. I'll admit the girl does clean up somewhat presentably, but next time we must have a clearer discussion about what the definition of a classy woman is." His eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly in anger as my cheeks flushed pink, heat quickly spreading across my face. Her gaze landed back on me one more time, her elegant hands carefully adjusting her shawl as she looked me up and down.

"A pleasure, as always, Alina dear," she flashed a thin smile before twirling around and heading back toward a thick of important looking people.

My teeth worried at my lower lip as Nikolai let out a tight exhale. "Bitch," he finally grumbled in sullen anger, rather aggressively yanking out my chair for me.

"I forgot how charming she is," I curled my lip slightly, sinking down into the plush seat and smoothing out my dress with clammy palms. Though I wouldn't deny she was a terror of a woman, I couldn't necessarily blame her seeing as every one of the people standing in this room acted in the exact same manner. "She's even more charming when I come alone," Nikolai sighed, reclining back into his seat and crossing his legs in front of him as he distastefully watched her cross the room. We fell to silence, allowing me to take the opportunity to let my gaze travel around the room, soaking in entirety of the banquet hall.

Vaulted ceilings were littered with chandeliers dripping sparkling diamonds, ice sculptures glimmered in the light, extravagant flower arrangements and china sets sat atop every table in the expansively large room. Everything reeked of effortless extravagance, there was probably more money spent on this event than I would make in my whole entire life. A sour taste settled onto my tongue. Nikolai caught the turn of my lips almost immediately.

"Hey, at least you don't have to sit through pompous old bitches kissing each other's asses on a regular basis," he arched a brow in an attempt at humor, though it turned out significantly closer to mild exasperation.

"Champagne for the lovely couple, courtesy of your parents, Mr. Lantsov," a waiter appeared from behind, placing the sparkling glasses down in front of us and adding uncomfortably, "Your mother requests you make the rounds tonight, sir, and not 'sit in the corner like a pair of unappealing rotten tomatoes' as she requested me to put it." Nikolai pressed two fingers to his temple, grumbling a faint thank you before waving the server away in dismissal. "I've never been called a tomato before," I mused lightly, sensing his current frustration was running deeper than just a surface level annoyance with his nightmare of a mother.

"I'm sorry, I really thought she was going to be more civil than this," he sighed, running a hand through his hair and mussing it up slightly, his eyes filled with apology, "It seems I overestimated her capacity for decency yet again." I ran a finger lightly down the gleaming silver utensils laid out in front of me, silently contemplating.

"You know, I'd love to experience first hand all of this awful small talk you complain about so much," I tilted my head slightly, the corner of my mouth tugging upward. He met my stare, his hazel eyes gradually losing their sullen glimmer.

"Well if you insist, then I guess I'd be rude to refuse you of this lovely opportunity," he hummed, a small grin on his lips as he pushed his chair back and offered me a hand. I took it, our fingers intertwining almost naturally as we made our way across the floor to where the socializing was occurring.

A swarm of people engulfed us almost immediately like a pack of wolves closing in on their prey. "Nikolai Lantsov, don't you look dashing," a plump woman drowning in furs addressed him with a wicked gleam in her eye, tugging at her husband to get his attention.

"Thank you Madame Secretary, I'm pleased you approve," he grinned in a rather convincing manner.

"And who's this?" Her husband finally turned his attention to us, his beady eyes trained on me with uncomfortable intensity.

"My lovely date," Nikolai cut me off before I could respond, his fingers digging into my side in conveyance of some sort of silent message.

The man scratched at the light salt and pepper stubble lining his jaw, continuing to look me up and down. "A shame."

I flashed a fake smile as Nikolai said his goodbyes before pulling me away, his lips hovering over my ear, "I wouldn't tell anyone your name, I don't think you want these people knowing who you are, especially if you catch their interest."

My mouth turned with a grimace. "My lips are sealed."

And then we were lost amidst countless couples, from politicians to socialites to successful intellectuals, all with some affiliation to Harvard and all unfathomably rich. The pleasantries were nothing but political, as we made our rounds, every greeting and conversation seemed just slightly too forced, the smiles just slightly too eager. It was almost dizzyingly exhausting, and by the time we found Nikolai's parents I was ready to pass out from the exertion of keeping a smile plastered on my lips.

"My boy," Nikolai's father boomed with the pretense of proudness, pulling him in for a hug that reeked of projected masculinity. They pulled away, Nikolai receiving a firm slap on his back that made him stiffen. "And Alina," Nikolai's father finally turned his eyes onto me, snatching my hand from my side and placing a sloppy kiss against my knuckles before I could protest. "It's nice to see you again, Mr. Lantsov," I laughed weakly, subtly attempting to wipe the wet residue from his kiss onto the fabric of my dress. "It's interesting that you're here tonight my dear, I heard you're working as a lab assistant on one of the research studies I'm funding at Harvard," he leaned forward, his gaze fixed intently on me. I nodded stiffly.

Every single fiber of my being froze when he nodded, subsequently turning over his shoulder and calling, "Morozova, my good man, come over here!"

Nikolai immediately sensed my tension, he squeezed my hand lightly in concern. I couldn't bring myself to look at him in reassurance, my breath caught in my throat as my eyes locked with a silver gaze that had just emerged from the thick of people.

"Good evening Mr. Lantsov," Aleksander tilted his head slightly in an impassive manner, his gaze trained on me, "What a coincidence this is, Alina, it's good to see you." Our eyes met for the briefest of seconds before I hastily looked away. I couldn't focus on his chillingly beautiful eyes, not with the gorgeous, raven haired woman on his arm, his hand resting intimately at her waist clad in a skin tight emerald gown.

I forced myself to speak, my voice embarrassingly hoarse. "What a surprise, Professor. It's good to see you too."

It felt like I couldn't breathe with the overwhelming jealousy growing thick in my mouth, bitter and acrid on my tongue.

"Alina is my most trusted assistant, we're making great progress together after a recent breakthrough," Aleksander casually spoke, a brief flicker of something dangerously close to disdain flashing in his eyes as Nikolai's father clapped him on the back with satisfied enthusiasm. "Great news, as always," he beamed eagerly, "It'll be great support for my campaign. 'Billionaire Lantsov puts money back into saving lives' will make an impressive headline. I have faith in you, Morozova, as always." The raven haired woman promptly leaned into Aleksander, murmuring something in his ear with red painted lips.

He nodded, flashing a ghost of a smile to no one in particular, "If you'll excuse us, I am going to escort my date to the bathroom."

My eyes couldn't tear away from the arm he had pressed to her lower back as they walked back into the crowd, disappearing within seconds.

"Alina, would you like to go sit down? You don't look so good," Nikolai asked softly, gently tugging at my hand and shifting me so I was facing him.

"The speech is about to start anyways, go sit," Nikolai's mother interjected with a disdainful sniff, subsequently grabbing her husbands arm and dragging him away in the direction of the massive podium set up overlooking the room.

"I'm fine, just tired I guess," I protested halfheartedly as he led me back in the direction of the tables now full with guests. "Is Morozova still giving you a hard time about that one day you were late to his class? Is that what that was about?" he questioned in a low tone of discretion. I grimaced. _If only_.

"Something like that," I muttered, falling silent as we sat down at our now fully occupied table.

"Nikolai, darling, so nice of you to join us," A woman tittered, a chorus of greetings from around the table filling the air. "Who is this young woman, she must be very special seeing as you always come alone," another woman raised a brow in wicked eagerness. "We're just friends from college," I flashed her a thin smile, grabbing for my glass of champagne and downing half of the bubbly liquid in one long drink. Her lips pursed in displease when Nikolai nodded in confirmation, adjusting her mountain of bleach blonde curls while sharing a look with her friend.

"What name are you from?" A man dressed in a pastel purple suit crested with the Chanel logo was looking me up and down, making my skin prickle with unease. "Name?" I looked to Nikolai, my brow creasing slightly in confusion. He had reclined in his chair, his elbows resting over the back of it, his eyes dully annoyed. "Not everyone has to be related to a Kennedy to be special, John," he tilted his head and pouted his lips ever so slightly, making John shoot him an equally passive aggressive look.

"Well she is a pretty young thing, even if she is nobody," the woman with the ridiculous hairstyle spoke again, eying me as if I was a particularly interesting piece of art open to critiques. My cheeks flushed. I could sense Nikolai's frustration growing every passing second, but he merely flashed her a smile in response, which was surprising considering his whole body was clearly tensed with an emotion a very slim measure away from anger.

Almost as if he knew Nikolai was down to his last straw of patience, at that moment one of my least favorite people in the world collapsed into the chair next to me in an overly dramatic fashion, reeking of alcohol and arrogance. "Vasily, you're looking presentable," Nikolai sarcastically addressed his older brother. "Little brother, Alina," Vasily greeted us lazily, winking at me and biting his lip in a crude attempt at flirtation.

"Charming, as always, Vasily," I hummed mildly, grabbing for my champagne and finishing the rest of it off.

"No, he's really not," Nikolai groused, his eyes narrowing, "For once, Vasily, can you not act like an ass? Even with your unnaturally low IQ I'm sure after the hundredth rejection you can come to the understanding that she's not interested in you." Vasily raised a brow, shooting back a snarky comment I tuned out by downing Nikolai's glass of champagne.

The ringing tone of a knife to glass cut through the room, allowing me the relief of something else to focus on other than the slew of condescending comments and insults being thrown back and forth between the two. Though that something unfortunately happened to be two other members of the Lantsov family I didn't care for in the slightest. 

Nikolai's parents were on the stage, bright smiles plastered on their faces that didn't quite reach their eyes. "Hello my fellow Harvard associates, I hope you're enjoying this fabulous night," Nikolai's father boomed into the microphone, sweat already beading along his thin hairline under the bright lights. The room fell to silence.

"Now you may know me as CEO of Lantsov Industries, billionaire extraordinaire," he chuckled in mock humility, earning a round of fake laughter in response. Nikolai rolled his eyes to me, sinking further into his chair. "You may also know me by the millions I have put into research for curing diseases, with great success thanks to my good man Doctor Morozova," he made a wide gesture assumedly towards Aleksander. My jaw clenched. "Or you may know me from my decades of involvement at Harvard, where my sons now attend as well, Vasily, and Nikolai," he beamed proudly. Nikolai flashed an overdramatic smile, waving to the crowd like a pageant queen when the attention was turned onto him and his older brother. "But now I have found that my will to give back cannot merely be quenched by research and talks and inspiration, I want to give back even more to my state, to all of you," his father continued, masquerading solemnity, "That is why I have decided to run for senator next year, to represent my lovely Harvard people and continue to positively influence this prestigious community."

A roar of applause immediately echoed throughout the ballroom, I let out a soft scoff which I quickly attempted to cover up with a less than convincing cough. Nikolai leaned into my side, muttering, "Of course they applaud for him, the pompous fuck is going to do nothing but make all of us richer." I pulled my lips into my mouth to keep myself from laughing, looking down at my lap to hide my smile.

"Glad you find it funny, Starkov, considering you'll never be one of us," Vasily whispered in my ear, his alcohol infused breath reeking horribly. My grin quickly faded, I flashed him a dirty look that made him snicker in response.

"To conclude, enjoy yourselves tonight, and remember to vote Lantsov for senator!"

Another round of applause ensued, he and his wife exited off the stage with lofty steps of satisfaction at the success of their speech.

But for the second time that night, I found myself frozen, unable to make myself even remotely care about Nikolai making another jab at his father or Vasily attempting to continue his unwanted advances.

My focus was entirely occupied with Aleksander and his date sitting at their table that I had just conveniently realized was directly in my line of sight.

Every desperate, hungry, jealous thought I could have possibly had in that moment surfaced, drowning any rational notion into an incoherent stream of lust and envy.

She was the epitome of gorgeous, raven hair spilling down her shoulders in glossy waves, her eyes dark and alluring. She reeked of arrogant confidence, she was a woman that knew her attractiveness and was more than happy to flaunt it.

My jaw clenched as my stare moved to Aleksander. The crisp lines of his black suit only further highlighted his lean, muscular physique, his dark curls just the right amount of messy. His fingers were stacked with an array of expensive silver rings, the diamonds encrusted in them large enough to make out even from across the room.

What had I expected, for him to come alone to an event like this? He could most likely get any woman that he wanted, it was probably as easy as snapping his fingers.

His rosy, sculpted lips formed words I couldn't make out, causing the woman to laugh rather over dramatically. She leaned into the curve of his body, placing her hand on his thigh as a smirk curved at her mouth.

I shot up from my chair almost on instinct, throwing my napkin on my plate a slight measure too aggressively. "What's wrong, Alina?" Nikolai looked up at me, hazel eyes glittering with concern. I forced my mouth into a crude resemblance of a smile, my teeth biting over every clipped word of my response, "I just need to get some air. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"I'll go with you," he eagerly moved to stand up, quickly pushed back down by my firm hand against his shoulder. "I'm fine going alone, don't worry," I spoke a slight degree too harshly.

A flash of thinly veiled hurt flickered in his eyes. "Oh-okay then."

Guilt swarmed in my chest, but there was simply no way I could bear to stay in this party another second, tears of anger and resentment threatening to spill over at any moment now. As fast as humanly possible in my heels, I turned and made my way out of the ballroom, ignoring the obvious stares from the hoards of people as I darted past them.

When I pushed through the door and emerged from the room, the dark cool of the hallway immediately soothed the heat flaring at my cheeks, eliciting a sigh of relief that emptied heavily from my lungs. My breaths were labored, a scream of frustration dangerously close to working its way out of my throat. It was infuriating how jealous I was, how much seeing him with someone else had affected me. My steps halted within a patch of moonlight streaming in from the grand window at the end of the hall, bathing my skin with a cool glow. I allowed my eyes to flutter shut, working to even out my erratic breaths.

"Alina?" 

The voice was unmistakable. 

In that moment, I cursed every single god, saint, and deity known to man. It seemed that once again, my luck was horribly cruel.

"What do you want," I growled, unable to keep the irritation from my response. Aleksander's steps echoed against the marble as he walked around to face me, the sight of him managing to take my breath away yet again. A recurring issue it seemed. My hands curled tightly into fists, I looked up at him through narrowed eyes.

"I noticed you rush out of the room, I was just checking to make sure you were alright," he spoke with only a hint of interest, his eyes impassively blank. I wanted to full on strangle him, my fingers twitched with the urge.

"And what gives you the right to? You're my professor, I didn't ask you to follow me out here and I sure as hell don't want your comfort," I snapped.

His eyebrows raised slightly in mild surprise. A long beat of silence stretched between us, my cheeks quickly growing redder and redder with embarrassment. "What's going on, Alina?" he finally asked with a touch more emotion, taking a step closer towards me and causing my pulse flutter erratically in my chest in response. My eyes darted to the security guards lined up at the other end of the hall, then over to the utility closet a few paces away from us.

In a snap decision of recklessness, I grabbed for his forearm, yanking the door open and pulling both of us inside. The door slammed shut under my hand, plunging us into near darkness. I couldn't help myself, the words slipping out in wild abandon. "What's going on is you fucking brought the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen with you as your date! Does that satisfy your curiosity, _professor?_ To know that I'm jealous?"

To my utter infuriation he let out a laugh in response, soft and light and a touch of mocking. "What would you have me do, Alina? Come alone to a prestigious event when you have made it quite clear you don't plan on getting involved?"

I suddenly became acutely aware I was still holding onto his arm, his expensive suit soft under my grasp. Quickly, I removed my hand, letting it fall limply to my side. His expression remained unreadable.

"Well..." I trailed off weakly, suddenly unable to form words. Conflict tore at my insides as my gaze lifted to meet his. I could just barely make out the edges of his form, his silver eyes shining like drops of moonlight in the darkness. "Unless?" he rasped in insinuation, his voice suddenly husky and seductive and sending a pleasurable shiver racing down my spine. My breath hitched.

Wildly and without restraint, my mouth met his.

His lips were soft and warm against mine, everything that I had imagined and so, so much more, hungry and desperate and lustful and the very essence of perfection. My hands immediately found their way into his hair, weaving through the silky strands as he pulled me into him, my chest hitting his as our bodies tangled together. I pushed closer as his fingers grasped at my thighs, tugging them apart and allowing him to step between my legs as if he belonged there. I let out a breathy gasp, allowing his tongue dancing over my bottom lip to enter my mouth.

His grip tightened around my legs, shoving my body back against the wall and pinning me there, his hands suddenly everywhere, sliding down my back, then tangling through my hair, then cradling my jaw and pulling me closer and closer still. My back arched, my skin burning and my thoughts feverish with nothing but desire, the whole world a blur, the only thing in focus was him and every single place his body was pressed against mine. His fingertips dragged down my waist, my hip, finally finding the back of my thighs and sinking into the soft flesh with a sinful air of possessiveness, the kiss growing harder and more desperate as he lifted me, my legs straddling his torso.

A moan left my mouth at the feeling of him pressing between my legs, my eyes rolling back in pleasure. He let out a soft growl, breaking his lips away from mine and moving their bruising heat to the curve of my neck. Immediately his tongue darted from his mouth, swirling against my skin before quickly being replaced with a graze of his teeth. My arm slung around his neck, pulling him closer as whimpers formed on my lips, my other hand grasping at the fabric of his suit. He repeated the pattern down the slope of my neck, a mixture of lips and tongue and teeth that left me trembling with need.

"Aleksander," I pleaded. His hips rolled against mine in response, an obscene sound of pleasure escaping the depths of my being as the heat throbbing between my legs increased to an almost unbearable intensity. My fingernails dug and scraped into his scalp, making him let out a soft hiss. Slowly, his lips traveled back up from my neck, trailing along my jaw and hovering over my mouth in dizzying proximity.

"You don't know how hard it was not to just take you straight on one of those fucking tables," his lips brushed against mine, infuriatingly light, "Was it purposeful, wearing black? Just to drive me fucking insane?" My whole being strained towards him, my eyes fluttering shut. Another tauntingly brief kiss that lasted no more than a few short, sinfully amazing seconds. I let out a soft whine of frustration as he pulled away, roughly tugging on a fist of his curls.

"No," I managed to respond, the word hoarse and scraping against the back of my throat. I could feel the smirk curling at his mouth as it returned to mine, his teeth skimming across my lower lip. My eyes couldn't seem to stay open, all I could possibly manage was to pull him closer, my arms resting at the nape of his neck. "I've wanted you so, so badly," I breathed without stopping to think about what I had just admitted.

My mind felt fuzzy, as if I was drunk. Drunk on him. 

His hand travelled up my leg, pushing up the fabric of my dress and closing around the curve of my hip. "I knew you would give in eventually, it was only a matter of time," he husked, his mouth capturing mine again in a kiss so hungry it almost made me miss what he said.

But not quite.

My whole body stiffened, ice running cold through my veins in horrible realization. I broke my mouth away from his with a hard shove against his chest in accompaniment, a snarl forming on my lips, "Get off of me. Now." Shock flickering briefly in his eyes before they quickly grew hard with the ghost of anger. Agonizingly slowly, as if it pained him, his grip uncurled from my legs, allowing my feet to hit the floor. He stepped back.

"You were ignoring me on purpose, weren't you?" I accused, my words dripping with venom, "You ignored me so I would want you more, and you brought that stupid fucking woman with you tonight to make me jealous because you somehow found out I was coming. Didn't you?" He remained silent, the flawless lines of his face cast in shadow and making it even harder than normal to read him. Anger was thick and overwhelming in the back of my throat. _"Didn't you?"_ I seethed, my cheeks flushing in a mixture of embarrassment and fury. His jaw tightened at my accusation, that much I could tell.

"Yes, Alina," he conceded smoothly without so much as a hint of apology, "But it was only because you were lying to yourself. You cannot deny that there is something between us."

A laugh, bitingly sarcastic, fell from my mouth. "Fuck you, you manipulating prick," I spat. He took a step towards me, forcing me to look up at him considering his stature dwarfed mine. "Still, you're fighting it," he murmured, regarding me with curiously calculating eyes. My scowl deepened, my muscles so tight with tension it felt as if they would snap.

"Don't you dare come near me again," I hissed as I whipped around, pausing when my hand grasped the cool metal handle of the door. "Consider this my official resignation from assisting your stupid research, asshole." Slamming the door open, I stalked out, leaving him standing in the shadows, lips slightly parted in silent protest.

My feet echoed loudly as I stalked down the hall as quickly as I could, my head down and my teeth grinding together relentlessly. Who the hell did he think he was, playing around with me as if I was some fucking amusing toy? And the fucking nerve of him to act as if he did nothing wrong. My mouth moved in a muttered stream of curses and venomous insults.

And yet, despite my anger, I still couldn't tear my subconscious thoughts away from the feeling of his lips, his fingers gripping at my bare thigh, the husky lull of his voice filled with desire. It was that much more infuriating, that I still wanted him in this moment.

"Alina, there you are!"

My head shot up at the sound of Nikolai's voice, a wave of relief at the sight of him overtaking me and nearly sweeping me off of my feet with the strength of it. "Nikolai," I threw my arms around him, my head immediately burying into the safety of his warm, familiar chest. He startled for a moment, muscles coiling with tension before promptly relaxing, hugging me back with a touch of caution. "I've been looking for you everywhere Alina," he fretted, "I'm so sorry for everyone, I honestly didn't think they would treat you like that. We should just go right now, it's a stupid ass party anyways." I let out a pained laugh, drawing back and sighing as he gave me his most apologetic, puppy dog eyes look.

"You don't need to apologize, Nikolai," I sighed, my lips quirking upwards slightly in the ghost of a smile, "But I'll take you up on that offer to leave. And that implied offer of buying me McDonald's on the way back as well." At that a familiar lopsided grin flashed across his features, crinkling the corners of eyes slightly.

"Anything for you," he hugged me into his side affectionately.

I avoided any thought of Aleksander the whole drive home, but as often with most nights, he plagued my dreams, my sleep filled with the feeling of his rosy lips and the entrancing sight of his slate grey eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end of the slow burn tag! or is it? ;)
> 
> as always with my work, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	10. let them see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey friends, hers another fat chapter for you guys which will hopefully make up for the wait!
> 
> my quarter ends in like two and a half weeks, so hopefully ill be able to crank some writing out over spring break so I can release chapters more regularly. for now my eight page final analysis paper is calling my name for me to work on it and its 2am. lol oops
> 
> also, im almost finished writing out the first smut scene for this fic. guys. its the hottest thing I have ever written no joke. 
> 
> on that note, enjoy some angst ;)

When I woke up, there were two texts from Aleksander glowing on my phone screen.

<< I am sorry for what I did, Alina.

<< But you should stop running away from your feelings.

I slammed it back down on the mattress, burying my head back into my pillow and sinking back into the warm clutches of sleep.

***

"Holy shit Alina." 

Genya was gaping, her eyes wide and glassy. It hadn't taken more than five minutes from the time that I had gotten up for me to spill every single detail of the events that had happened last night. I swallowed hard, my fingers wringing together in my lap as I sat cross legged on her bed. "Am I overreacting, Genya?" I softly asked after a long pause of hesitancy. She leaned back against the wall, hugging her fur pillow into her chest. The seconds of silence stretched into minutes as she contemplated.

"Alina, I know you better than anyone," she finally sighed, "And yes, it was a shitty thing for him to do. But you really like him, I can tell, and not just in a I-want-to-fuck-you type of way. You have a lot in common, I mean, he's smart, successful, sexy as hell, and he does seem to really care about you on some level. And Alina, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you do have this tendency of pushing away chances at happiness for yourself."

She was right, but that didn't make the sting of her words hurt any less. 

A miserable look pulled at my lips, the bags underneath my eyes especially heavy from my lack of sleep. "A relationship between us isn't even allowed, why go through the trouble when he's already fucked everything up," I mumbled, resting my elbows on my knees as I leaned forward. My eyes cast down at my phone in my lap, his contact open to the two messages I had yet to reply to.

"Maybe it's not worth the trouble, but either way it's up to you, Alina," Genya shrugged, her eyes flickering away as a knock sounded against our door. "That's probably David," she grinned widely, her eyes immediately lighting up as she sprung off the bed, racing to the door and yanking it open. It was, in fact, David, wearing a sweater that was too loose for him and wire rimmed glasses with smudges on the lenses.

Genya smiled at him as if he was the only man on Earth.

"Come in, come in," she grasped at his hand, pulling him into our room and shutting the door behind them with a soft click.

"Hello, Alina," he awkwardly greeted, his cheeks already reddening in embarrassment as he looked down at his fingers intertwined through Genya's. Despite my lack of success in the romance department, nothing made me happier than seeing Genya happy and so obviously in love; I couldn't help the smile that pulled at the corners of my lips.

"Let me get my purse," she squeezed his hand before crossing the length of our room, searching through the mess on her desk with hasty excitement.

"Where are you going for your date?" I lightly asked, tilting my head in amusement as David fidgeted nervously.

"Ah, the museum and then lunch," he mumbled, his eyes meeting my gaze fleetingly before returning back to Genya.

"Found it!" Genya pulled her black leather clutch out, holding it up triumphantly for both of us to see.

"I'm so proud, Genya," I smirked, "And maybe after you come back we can discuss you cleaning up the absolute mess that is your half of the room." She rolled her eyes, walking back over to David and looping her arm through his. "And you," I pointed my finger at David playfully, "Take care of her, I want her back in one piece."

A rare smile passed over his lips as he stared at Genya, clear adoration present in his gaze. "I will," he affirmed.

She cooed, pecking his cheek lightly and making him redden even further. "Bye Alina, I'll see you later!" she tossed over her shoulder, waving her fingers slightly. I waved back half heartedly, my gaze dropping down to my phone as they left, the two messages that were still up searing more permanently into my vision the longer I stared.

A sigh escaped from deep in my lungs as, reluctantly, I tossed my phone to the side, swinging myself off of the bed to get ready for the day.

***

I was stiff with anticipation as I strode into the lecture hall not more than a minute before class was scheduled to begin, my head down and books held close into my chest. It took a tremendous amount of self control not to look up to see where Aleksander was, my teeth worrying at my lower lip as I sat down in the seat in the farthest back corner. I had been dreading this class for hours, pacing endlessly around my room as the weight of my phone rested heavily in my hands.

I still hadn't responded to him.

What could I possibly say to him? That I didn't know if I could trust him again after what he did? That I was so afraid of getting hurt after Mal that I closed myself off from letting anyone else in? That I didn't know what he wanted from me? That I didn't even know what he saw in me, and that was what terrified me most of all?

I sunk down in my chair in the futile hope that I could physically make myself disappear from existence.

"Today you will be quizzed on the assigned reading from last week. Get out your scantrons."

A soft curse fell from my lips at Aleksander's cold announcement, quickly scrambling for my notes to at least briefly review what information the chapter had covered. My eyes flickered over the page, desperately attempting to absorb the hastily scrawled paragraphs of writing over the course of the few seconds I had. I almost cried in relief to see it concerned neurodegenerative disorders, the exact field of research I was currently assisting Aleksander in conducting.

A bitter voice chimed in reminder. _Not anymore, Alina. You quit, remember?_

I snapped my notebook shut, stuffing it back into my bag and pulling out a green scantron paper in replacement.

"You will have fifteen minutes, the class lecture will begin right after," Aleksander spoke again. Against my own pathetically weak will, my eyes lifted from my desk to where he was standing. He was dressed in his usual crisp black attire, his hair in its usual perfectly messy state and his lips as full and enticing as ever. But interestingly, unless it was a trick of the light, it seemed there was the ghost of dark circles under his eyes, a tinge of haunting and exhaustion hinted in his blank expression.

I hadn't been looking at him for more than a few brief seconds before he sensed my stare, our eyes connecting from across the room. Heat zipped across my skin, a jolt of electricity that sent goosebumps scattering down my arms. I looked away almost immediately as one of the teacher's assistants handed me a copy of the test. "Thank you," I softly spoke, my hands near trembling as I gripped my pencil tightly, placing the paper down in front of me. My eyes scanned over the first question as I silently forced myself to focus, my inherent need to get a good grade finally able to successfully push thoughts of Aleksander to the back of my mind. 

Despite that, I was still painfully aware of his eyes on me throughout the whole duration of the quiz. Then during the lecture. His stare remained on me as he dismissed class, piercing into my back all the way out through the door. 

***

My breaths came fast and heavy as I ran harder, my feet pounding against the treadmill as I increased the speed of the belt, pressing myself to the fullest of my athletic capability. I had been doing every possible thing to avoid my thoughts of Aleksander, and eventually it had come to me running for hours in the campus fitness center, as if i could physically outrun my problems if I just ran hard and fast enough. 

I wasn't having any luck so far.

A bead of sweat worked its way down my temple, I swiped at it with my free hand before snatching my water bottle from its cup holder and downing a generous gulp of the cool liquid. It was somewhat therapeutic, the physical ache in my chest, the slightly uncomfortable slickness of sweat coating my skin. The tangibility of it all somehow muted the terrifying sense of helplessness and confusion swirling at the back of my mind. 

Another long, lingering drink. 

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, my breath hitching as suddenly, I became unfathomably dizzy, black spots dancing across my vision almost tauntingly before my vision went completely dark. My paces faltered, I almost stumbled before my hand shot out the grasp the bar, blindly thumbing over the display and quickly halting the movement of the belt.

The swirling darkness subsided slightly, my eyes wide as my surroundings materialized back around me within a few terrifying seconds.

My fingers pressed against my wrist, registering my racing pulse. Maybe the sleep deprivation was catching up to me; I was admittedly more and more exhausted with each passing day. A shaky, irritated breath left my lips before I promptly stepped off of the treadmill, snatching my gym bag and slinging it over my shoulders. 

I hadn't taken more than a few steps before my eyes caught on an individual lifting weights in the corner. Shit, how the hell had I not noticed he was here before now? My gawking was apparently painfully obvious as he almost instantly looked over, mouth practically dropping open when he recognized me.

"Alina!" Mal shouted as I quickly averted my stare, making for the entrance of the gym and tilting my head down.

 _As if that's going to help you at all_. 

The heavy sound of weights dropping signified he was coming after me, making my shoulders hunch as I grimaced on instinct.

What was even the point of me running?

Before I could think better of it, my steps halted in their path; I whirled around to face him with uninhibited loathing burning in my gaze. He stopped short, his ice blue eyes flickering over me. One of them was still rimmed in dark purple, a bruise that bloomed across his swollen cheek. Nikolai would have been satisfied to know he had done his share of damage.

"Alina, I don't like the way that things were left between us," Mal cleared his throat after a moment of heated silence, rubbing the back of his neck with a rough, callused hand. My fingers twitched with the urge to slap him across his stupid, ignorant face, my jaw setting with restrained irritation.

"I'm perfectly fine with the way we left things, Mal," I countered emotionlessly. He opened his mouth to protest, faltering when I held a hand up. "Nikolai should be waiting for me right outside, so unless you want a matching black eye I suggest you leave me the fuck alone," I warned, my eyes narrowing. His lips pressed together, a seething breath whistling through his clenched teeth.

"I should have known you'd be fucking him as soon as I turned my back." 

My mouth fell open with a scoff of disbelief. "I wasn't the one who cheated, Malyen Oretsev. And me and Nikolai are most certainly not together, not that that even remotely concerns you. Maybe take some time out of the gym to work on improving upon what little brain cells you have left instead. Now walk the fuck away from me or I swear I will go get Nikolai to knock you on your ass for a second time."

His hands clenched, his face reddening with anger. I raised a brow in challenge. 

"This isn't over, Alina," he growled, but thankfully turned on his heels in defeat, stalking back over to his weight lifting station with clenched hands.

I let out a heavy exhale of relief before quickly exiting out the front door where Nikolai was indeed waiting for me, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his ripped jeans and his head tilted back towards the sun that had apparently decided to make an appearance today. At the sight of him, any residual anger and frustration at my previous interaction with Mal faded.

"Let's go escort, I've got places to be," I smirked, making his eyes flutter open as he startled for the briefest of moments before his gaze settled on me.

"An escort, so kinky Alina," he smirked, winking when I made a disgusted sound in the back of my throat.

"So immature, _Nikolai_ ," I lightly pushed his shoulder, falling into step beside him as we set out towards the dorms. A slight smile quirked at the corner of his lips, his fingertips running through his golden hair before falling back to his side. I let out a soft sigh of content as a pleasant breeze blew through the streets, soothing the heat that still clung to my skin from my intense, rather eventful run. "So how's interning with your dad?" I questioned mildly, very consciously making the decision to not bring up what had just happened with Mal. It was highly likely that more violence would ensue, and one black eye had been enough.

Nikolai grimaced noticeably at the inquiry, his nose scrunching slightly in expression of disgust. "Not the worst thing he's forced me into doing, but pretty damn close. If I have to charm another pompous old bitch into giving millions of dollars to his campaign I'm going to throw myself off of a bridge." I snorted, clapping a hand over my mouth to stifle the less than attractive noise.

"Sounds absolutely riveting," I grinned, making him shake his head slightly, eyes glimmering.

"Not as riveting as our daily talks," he tilted his head, casually looping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer.

"You really can't seem to keep your hands off of me, Lantsov, should we get you some help?" I teased, though despite my words my body still gravitated into his side, leaning against him as we walked.

He flashed a wicked smirk. "If touching you is a sickness, I never want the cure." I groaned, shoving him off of me as we arrived at the front door to my dorm, our steps halting.

"Smooth, really," I rolled my eyes. His smirk morphed into a lopsided grin; he regarded me in a manner that curiously made my cheeks pink with shyness. "Don't look at me like that," I pushed his shoulder slightly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Like what?" he murmured, the playfulness dissipating from his demeanor. My pulse fluttered erratically in my throat. He was close. 

Too close. 

"Like _that_ ," I laughed weakly, a halfhearted attempt at a smile creeping up my lips. 

He stilled for a moment, something flickering in his hazel eyes before he reciprocated a soft chuckle, reaching out and tugging playfully at a lock of hair that had come free from my ponytail. "So sorry, just got caught up in this fantasy of mine where we're happily married and ruling the world together," he mused, "I'm the king, obviously, and you were reluctant at first, but you came around eventually, Queen Starkov." 

Whatever brief tension that was there a moment before quickly vanished, I couldn't help my begrudging grin at his ridiculousness. "Bye, Nikolai, I'll see you tomorrow," I blew a teasing kiss, turning on my heels. His response was light. 

"See you tomorrow, my love."

***

I hummed a soft, off kilter tune to myself as I penned out a book review, occasionally pausing to sip at my double shot espresso. It had been an achingly sluggish day at work, not even Alexei was here to keep me company and make the time go faster. My chin sunk into my hand as my pen scratched against the cardstock in elegant script. Soft background music filled the air.

"I'd like to buy this book." 

My head snapped up in dim surprise at the voice of a customer; she dropped the hardback book against the counter rather aggressively before digging into her purse. "Of course," I stood up from my chair, hastily punching in the price to the cash register with the accompaniment of several melodic chimes of the weathered buttons. "Your total is $13.98," I flashed a smile as she flicked out her credit card towards me, not sparing me a second glance. I swiped it, promptly handing it back to her. "And would you like a bag, miss?" I cleared my throat softly, my attention diverted for a split second as the bell of the front door jingled, signaling the arrival of a new customer. "Welcome in," I greeted, my eyes flickering up.

I froze.

It was Aleksander.

Aleksander fucking Morozova was staring back at me. 

"Hello? I said I wanted a bag you moron," the woman in front of me snapped, making me quickly tear my eyes away and flash her an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, one second," I breathed, snatching a bag from underneath the counter and sliding her book into the bright plastic. Aleksander was slowly making his way over to my desk with languorous steps, sending my pulse racing in my chest. "Here you go, have a good day," I offered the woman her bag with a weak laugh. She narrowed her eyes, muttering something unsavory under her breath as she snatched it from me, striding out of the store with an air of indignation. 

And then all too suddenly, Aleksander had replaced her at the spot in front of the register, stealing the breath from my lungs merely by the way he was looking at me. 

Pure, unadulterated _longing_. 

"Hello, Alina," he greeted, his voice still retaining the perfect measure of cool. My mouth was dry, it felt like I had lost the ability to speak. He was wearing a black sweater and jeans, the material hugging his body in a way that hinted at the lean muscle hidden underneath. His lips glistened as he trailed his tongue over his lower lip, leaving it wet with moisture.

My mouth parted for a moment, I stood there dumbly staring at him before stammering, "W-what are you doing here, professor?" He eyed me in an analytical manner, as if he were trying to decipher some hidden meaning to my question.

"I wanted to see you," he placed his hands on the counter, leaning forward slightly. My fingernails sliced into my palms. 

_You're mad at him, Alina, remember?_

"I'm at work, I can't talk with you right now," I mumbled, my eyes averting from his. He let out a sharp exhale, almost a growl. 

"Then I need help finding a book." 

At his words my teeth found my lower lip, my whole body tensing with hesitation. His stare held a hint of challenge.

"What kind of book," I finally spoke between clenched teeth, my voice flat and taught.

He waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, "Anything. Show me some recommendations."

A frown tugged at my lips, his infuriatingly impassive expression a stark reminder of just how angry at him I was. My hands tightened slowly into fists at my sides, my teeth grinding together in irritation before I let out all of my tension with a soft exhale. "Right this way, sir," I thinly smiled, pushing aside the squeaky gate and emerging from behind the counter, heading back into the rows upon rows of bookcases. I felt rather than heard him move to follow me, painfully aware of the heat of his body as he trailed behind me slightly too close for comfort.

My thoughts were running a mile a minute, practically incoherent as I scrambled to make sense of what the fuck was happening. How the hell had he found out that I worked here? I didn't know whether to be flattered or that much more infuriated.

My hands wrung together in front of me as I turned down the non fiction aisle, heading for the corner bookcase dedicated to neuroscience. He jerked to a stop when my steps promptly halted in front of the stocked shelves, my words a low mutter. "Anything from this shelf. That's my recommendation." I quickly moved to turn away and escape while I still could, my breath hitching as his hand immediately closed around my wrist, tugging me back. My gaze stubbornly remained on my scuffed boots as he pulled me to face him.

"Alina, look at me," he husked, his words almost pleading. Slowly, reluctantly, my eyes lifted to meet his quartz ones.

"What do you want, Aleksander?" I asked flatly, silently proud at how unaffected I sounded when in reality my knees felt like they were about to collapse out from under me. His fingers tightened around my wrist; he pushed closer. My back gently hit the bookcase behind me.

"I want you, Alina," he uttered softly, his other hand moving to brace against the shelf as he leaned into me even further. My heartbeat was pounding wildly in my chest, I was instantly lost in the memory of us devouring each other in a dark closet, his hands all over me and his lips flush against my neck.

"It doesn't matter what you want," I breathed, resisting the urge to let my eyes flutter closed. He let out a soft growl of apparent frustration, his gaze dark with need. It was wickedly satisfying to know that I was the one that had made him this way, I was the one that had made him lose control and abandon the mask of indifference that he always seemed to hold close.

"I can't stop thinking about you Alina, I haven't gotten any sleep, I just-," he paused, his eyes shutting for a brief moment, "I want to be with you. To be near you. Anything. It's infuriating, but it just makes me want you that much more."

I let out a bitter laugh of disbelief, making his hard jaw set with tension. "You ignored me for weeks, now you're saying you can't go a few days without me around?" I glared defiantly.

He visibly contemplated for a moment, a miserable half smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. "Maybe I'm just weaker than you are, Alina Starkov." 

I had no answer to that. 

For a moment, we stood in silence, his hand on my arm gradually burning hotter where his skin was pressed against mine. 

"You pissed me the hell off, Aleksander." Even I couldn't deny the slight conceding tone hinted in my words, an infuriating tell I was about to give in.

"I know," he murmured in something like apology, his eyes shamelessly roaming my face and tracing along the curve of my neck. My breaths were shallow, my gaze drawn to his rosy, full lips.

"And I'm still mad," I exhaled. He nodded, leaning in towards me and sending a trill of anticipation down my spine. My eyes were already half closed, I stifled a whimper that threatened at my tongue when he stopped short, his lips hovering mere centimeters from my own. The ache of need in my chest was almost unbearable. "Are you going to kiss me?" I whispered, my pride dissipating in favor of satiating my overwhelming desire for him.

His lips parted slightly, his breath softly hitting my skin.

"If you'll let me."

I couldn't think straight, my thoughts hazy; I didn't even register the movement of me nodding before his lips were on mine, the world fading into soft edges as everything around us quickly turned to hot liquid.

The kiss was wildly urgent yet still somehow unfathomably gentle, his fingers releasing from around my wrist to trail down my hip, latching on my thigh and pulling me into him. My hands threaded through his silky black curls, tugging on the ends as he bit down on my lower lip before pulling it into his mouth. The heat of his tongue trailed over mine, eliciting a soft moan to break free from the depths of my being, primal and uncontrolled. He hummed in response, breaking off the kiss and swooping down to my neck, his teeth grazing over my pulse.

"We should stop, someone could see," I sighed, no weight behind the words as I pulled him closer.

"Let them see," he breathed into the crook of my neck, his tongue leaving a hot trail across my sensitive skin as he left stinging bites along the curvature.

It felt like I was on fire as his hips rocked into mine, a soft whimper broke free that was beyond my control.

" _Aleksander_." I tilted my head back to give him more access despite my unconvincing attempt to protest. His fingers wound through my hair, cradling my cheeks.

"Come back to assisting me," he murmured, his lips skimming over my jaw. The proposition sobered me for a moment, my muscles coiling on instinct.

"I don't think that's a good idea," I voiced unconvincingly. He increased the pressure of his hand at my back, making my body arch into his, a sigh of pleasure forming on my lips at the feeling.

"No strings attached, Alina," he nipped lightly at my collarbone, sending a shiver down my spine, "I want your voice in on this research, if nothing else." The clear ache to his voice was startling, a mixture of such want and need and desire it was dizzying. There was an inherent frustration that was present as well, as if it pained him that there was something beyond his control.

My train of rational thought dissipated as his mouth brushed against mine again, warm and intoxicating. The affirmation slipped out before I could stop it.

"Okay." 

A breathtaking smile pulled at his lips, leaving me frozen for a moment, practically hypnotized by the dazzling white of his teeth. I had never seen him smile before, yet the expression was startlingly natural and warm and made my heart inexplicably flutter in my chest. "Good," he murmured, the look fading as his grip tightened around my waist; he placed another lingering kiss against the corner of my mouth that made the hunger in the depths of my being roar back to the surface.

"More," I mumbled almost incoherently, savoring the taste of him on my tongue as I chased his lips with my own. He chuckled, a raspy, rich sound that vibrated throughout every inch of me.

"Someone might see," he reminded me almost teasingly, drawing back and meeting my gaze with glimmering silver eyes. 

Slowly my fingers unwound from their grip tangled in his silky curls, my hands falling limply to my sides. Reality was quick in setting back in and scolding me with bitterly harsh words, sounding eerily similar to the familiar voice of Ana Kuya. 

"We shouldn't do this, we-we _can't_ do this," I sighed, the exhale unfathomably heavy. It physically pained me at the thought of limiting our relationship to purely professional, but the dim conscience at the back of my mind was insistent. "There's no getting involved, okay? It's a horrible idea, one that could destroy both of our lives. This needs to stay as a purely professional relationship." 

The reminder was dull and tired. _I couldn't risk losing my scholarship_.

The curl of Aleksander's lips faded. "But you'll come assist for me again," he confirmed with a touch of sullenness. I nodded, suddenly becoming acutely aware of just how close we were, his touch burning at my hip and his body pressed flush against mine.

My hands moved to gently brace against his hard chest, my voice soft. "I should get back to work."

His eyes flickered. Gently, he tucked a stray wisp of hair behind my ear, his lips meeting mine in one last brief, desperate kiss before he pulled away, releasing me from his possessive grip.

"I'll see you Monday, Alina," he murmured, his gaze flickering over me once, twice, before he turned on his heels, briskly walking away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	11. a lot of late nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another long ass chapter, this ones around 5k words! slow burn is ending super super soon, sooner than you all might think ;) have faith in me, because trust me its worth the wait. 
> 
> in other news, i just landed a job that im super excited about, but unfortunately this is going to eat into my free time. im hoping ill still be able to update at the very least once a month, but we will see. I know it sucks, but this college girl needs money and industry experience. 
> 
> besides that, I hope you all enjoy! <3
> 
> p.s. love and feedback is much appreciated as you guys know and really does motivate me to keep updating, so if you are enjoying, let me know!

"He did _what_?" Genya gasped, immediately earned a sharp shush of disapproval from the librarian stacking books near us.

"Is that bad?" I softly grimaced, thumbing anxiously over the thick pages of my textbook laid out on the library table.

"Honestly, some might call it a little creepy, but personally I would still be flattered if a guy went to such lengths just to talk to me," she practically swooned, reclining in her chair and pressing the back of her hand to her forehead. My fingers threaded through my hair in distress, my temples throbbing the longer I dwelled on it all.

What the hell was I supposed to do? It was painfully obvious what my heart wanted, but every rational thought was screaming at me that I would be insane to risk my scholarship for a fucking _guy_.

Even if that guy did happen to be the very essence of perfection.

"We made out too," I mumbled, mortification distorting my words almost to the point of unintelligibility. Her jaw practically dropped open, nearly jumping up and down in her seat as she hit my arm repeatedly with the back of her hand.

"My fucking queen, I bow down to you," she whisper shouted, garnering another dirty look from the librarian before the old woman promptly pushed her cart away from us down another aisle. I picked at my fingernails, working at scraping away the chipped white polish in order to have an excuse to avoid eye contact. Genya took my sullen silence as an opportunity to continue. "Is he a good kisser?" she smirked, resting her chin in her hand and biting her lip mischievously. My cheeks flushed on instinct before I promptly buried my face in my hands. "So that's a yes," she confirmed with a teasing tilt of her head, her amber eyes glimmering with satisfaction.

"I don't recall," I muttered, snatching my highlighter from the table and jerkily uncapping it, proceeding to randomly highlight paragraphs in my textbook to effectively avoid her eyes.

"So that's where these are from," she gasped in sudden realization, hooking a finger through the collar of my high necked sweater and tugging it down to reveal the trail of dark purple hickeys Aleksander had so graciously left me.

"Stop, stop it Genya," I batted at her hand repeatedly, yanking the fabric back up so the bruises were completely covered again.

Her perfectly rosy lips pouted. "You're no fun."

Right then my phone chimed with deceiving cheer, the screen lighting up with a text from the last person I wanted to hear from in this moment.

Genya snatched my phone from the table a mere half second before I could get to it, greedily drinking in the message I had just received from none other than Aleksander Morozova himself.

Her eyes widened, her mouth falling open with a breathy laugh of disbelief. She didn't stop me when I swiped it back from her, my eyes quickly moving across the screen.

<< You are coming to the lab this afternoon, correct?

<< I want you here with me.

<< Please.

My skin warmed, buzzing at the thought of being in close proximity to him again, at the plain want conveyed in his message. "He is practically begging for you, Alina, what kind of fucking spell did you cast over that man?" Genya marveled. I ignored her, my hands practically trembling as I typed out a slow, reluctant reply.

>> i'll be there, aleksander

>> just to research

His reply was almost instantaneous.

<< Of course.

***

As soon as I walked into the lab, I was met with a loud whoop of exaggerated excitement that made me startle.

"There she is! Welcome back Alina Starkov," Harshaw crowed, throwing his hands up in overdramatic elation. I couldn't help a light laugh as David shot him a mildly irritated look, nodding at me once before instantly turning his attention back to a stack of log books piled on the table in front of him. The chemical smell of sterility was perplexingly soothing and familiar; I let out a soft sigh of content before striding over to Harshaw and embracing his hug with a giggle.

"Okay, I missed you Harshaw, how did you do it?" I pulled away, flicking his chest as I narrowed my eyes in a playful glare.

"I'm just that lovable apparently," he grinned, throwing his arm around David's hunched shoulders, "Exhibit A. David loves me." The disdainful look of contradiction David gave him at the physical contact made me snicker.

"I can't wait to hear what assignment we have today, I missed all of this amazing menial work so much," I playfully tossed over my shoulder, making my way over to the supply closet, a familiar path that I hadn't even realized I had missed.

It had only been a week since I had been here, was I really that attached?

A mildly disconcerting thought, but I shook it off, pushing it to the back of my mind. My fingers grasped a fistful of the thick cotton of a lab coat; I pulled it off the hook, shrugging it over my shoulders before turning to grab some goggles. From this angle, I knew from experience that I had a perfect view into Aleksander's office if his blinds were open.

Against my better judgement my eyes flickered to his window.

His shock of inky black curls was the first thing I registered, as silky as ever and falling messily into his eyes as he pored over paperwork. He was wearing a thick black sweater that he had pushed up to his forearms, the fabric bunched around his smooth, ivory skin, as well as black rimmed glasses that always made me weak in the knees at the sight of him wearing them. His chin rested in his hand, propped up by a lazy elbow braced against the glass of his desk.

I could have stared at him for forever.

"Hurry up Starkov, you're better at calibrating the microscope and you know it," Harshaw called, snapping me out of my trance. I hesitated once, my gaze lingering on Aleksander's lean frame before I made my way back over to the lab station.

A strange disappointment gripped me when I walked out of the end of my scheduled session without Aleksander coming to talk to me even once.

Despite every rational thought, every voice of reason, I still wanted him.

***

My body lay splayed out in an undignified heap across my bed with the limpness of a near dead person, my eyes burning as I gazed accusingly at the screen of my laptop. A blank page was staring back at me with crushing intimidation, a blinking cursor silently taunting me with every passing second. Aleksander had assigned a research paper a few weeks ago that apparently I had been too distracted with drooling over him in class to process and write down in my notes. Now an all nighter and five pages of material and research on neural development in relation to emotion awaited me, an array of caffeinated drinks arranged on my bedside table in preparation. A soft groan left my lips. If I didn't have any morals, I would most certainly go to Aleksander and attempt to persuade him to give me extra time with some not so morally upright tactics.

But, quite unfortunately in this moment, I did have morals.

I blew a breath through slightly parted lips, involuntary groaning in protest of my own actions as I forced myself into a sitting position propped up against my headboard. A halfhearted tug of fingertips pulled my laptop into my lap, though my hands made no move to begin typing. "Come on, Alina," I mumbled indignantly, gritting my teeth so hard my head quickly began to throb.

Still, my mind remained empty.

A soft bell of notification from my phone immediately made me snatch it up in relief at the distraction. That feeling of relief was quickly short lived at the sight of Aleksander's contact. My thumb swiped open the message embarrassingly fast, my pulse pounding wildly in my throat.

<< How are you tonight.

A blush crept up on my cheeks despite myself. It was a perfectly innocent enough question, despite the fact that he continued to punctuate every text with a solemn period.

>> funny you should ask, im actually slaving away over that invigorating five page paper you assigned

I sunk down further on my pillows as I waited for him to reply.

<< Spectacular then, I assume.

<< The effect of trauma on the brain while it is still developing capacity for emotion is fascinating. Just a thought.

I exhaled in amusement.

>> thats cheating aleks

>> but an interesting thought that I just might have to take you up on

I cringed as soon as I hit send.

_Aleks? Really Alina?_

<< Aleks.

My fingernails dug into my palms, my breaths going shallow as the bubble signifying him typing popped up again.

<< I like it.

A sigh of relief.

>> maybe ill call you that from now on

<< I'd like you to call me many things.

Despite my constant denial of my feelings, I was most definitely internally screaming at his painfully obvious flirtation. How the hell did he have this affect on me still?

>> professor, sir, mister, teacher, the possibilities are endless

<< You're hilarious Alina, really.

<< Let me take you out, I want to see you tonight.

I snorted.

>> you could've seen and talked to me today at the lab and you didn't

>> guess you missed your chance :/

<< I think you would agree it wouldn't be a good idea for us to be around each other with other students present.

>> you must have very little self control

<< Only with you, Alina. It's quite irritating actually.

My teeth latched onto my lower lip. I was grinning like an idiot, my heartbeat fluttering in my chest.

>> i guess you'll have to work on it

>> in the meantime i need to actually write this paper

<< I'll see you tomorrow Alina.

>> good night, aleksander

With that my phone dropped to my lap, my fingers winding through my hair as I reclined back onto my mountain of pillows. It was a dangerous game we were playing, but the thrill of it was too intoxicating to resist.

My fingers flew across my keyboard as I proceeded to type up my paper, though my thoughts never once strayed from the memory of his smile, bright and soft and something that I stupidly hoped was reserved for me and me alone.

***

"Alina."

I jolted up in my chair, my eyelids flying open at the sound of my name.

Genya was staring at me from the seat to my right, the lecture hall nearly empty as the last of the students filed out through the exit doors. My breath hitched in horrified realization.

"Shit, did I fall asleep during class?" I asked in incredulous horror, frantically swiping at my tired eyes with the back of my hand. She nodded silently, a frown on her lips as she very obviously evaluated me. "Why didn't you wake me up, seriously Genya," I frowned right back, shuffling my papers together and stuffing them into my bag in frantic haste. She tilted her head slightly, amber eyes roaming my face.

"Your bags are even worse than usual Alina, you've been overworking yourself," she determined, arching a brow when my scowl deepened instantaneously.

Yes, of course I was perpetually exhausted, but that was the reality of college life, right?

"I care about my education, Gen, so yes, I've been a little sleep deprived lately," I snarked, snapping my bag closed and slinging it over my shoulder as I stood up.

She gave me a look that clearly conveyed a sarcastic, _really, Alina?_

Instantly I felt guilty for snapping at her.

"I'll go take a nap if it makes you feel better," I lied through my teeth, flashing her what I hoped was a convincing enough smile to make her let it go. She visibly contemplated for a long moment, tapping her perfectly manicured nails on the armrest of her chair.

"Fine, but I'm holding you to that," she warned, a ghost of a smile gracing the elegant curve of her red lips.

"Whatever you say, mom," I narrowed my eyes with a touch of playfulness, her subsequent giggle thankfully alleviating the tension as she stood up, looping her arm through mine and proceeding to tug me down the aisle.

"I might as well be, you know you couldn't possibly survive without me," she sniffed in mock haughtiness, pushing the door open for us out to the courtyard. An icy breeze immediately made my shoulders hunch against the cold, my breaths white in the unusually freezing air. Frost had crawled across the concrete sidewalks, creating twisting, sparkling patterns of ice underfoot that were practically mesmerizing.

"You know what?" I hummed, excitement sparking in my chest at the sudden formulation of an idea, "Let's have a movie night. Blankets, cocoa, Nikolai's mansion, everyone all together. We haven't all hung out at the same time in forever." Genya's eyes lit up almost immediately, she had snatched her phone from her pocket and begun furiously typing in the span of a blink.

"You are a visionary, Alina," she grinned, "Movie night it is."

***

"Alina, Alina, Alina," Nikolai grinned, flashing me a tipsy grin, "Tell me, how are you so beautiful?" I snorted in response, taking another sip of my wine and hugging the silken blanket tighter around my body. Somehow hot cocoa and movies had turned into wine and reality television, the majority of my friends verging on drunk and giggling incoherently as we watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on Nikolai's massive flat screen tv. Tamar and Nadia had retreated into their own little corner, whispering to one another and stealing kisses as they cuddled on their loveseat. Tolya had taken up a whole couch to himself, giant limbs splayed out on the cushions as he stared disapprovingly at dramatics on the tv. Alexei was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table taking turns stuffing popcorn and chips into his mouth. And I was sandwiched in between Nikolai and Genya, both of their arms thrown over my shoulders.

"I would make a great housewife," Genya commented absentmindedly, pressing the wine bottle to her lips and taking a generous drink.

"I would too," Nikolai smirked, winking at me in a comical attempt at flirtation as he proceeded to drain yet another glass.

"Nikolai you could be Alina's trophy wife," Alexei chimed from his spot splayed out on the rug, glasses slightly askew as he tilted his head back to look up at me.

"Oh my god, what is with your obsession with me and Nikolai being in relationship, Lex?" I sighed with a touch of exasperation.

He giggled, shaking his head slightly and shrugging, "Power couple."

My eyes pointedly connected with Tolya's across the room seeing as he was the only other non drunk individual. Much to my dismay, instead of his usual stoic demeanor, he was warm and smiling. "Don't look at me, Nikolai was pretty convincing that you'd make a good couple," he hummed deeply in mild amusement.

"When will it stop," I groaned, leaning back against the couch and pressing the back of my hand to my forehead.

"Yeah stop it, she has other men on her mind," Genya waggled her eyebrows suggestively. I flashed her a heated glare. Genya's tongue was always loosened by alcohol, certainly not an ideal situation seeing as she could easily spill all of the details about me and Aleksander to everyone without a second thought.

"Alina, are you cheating on me like Lisa's husband is cheating on her?" Nikolai gestured to the screen, a pout pushing out his bottom lip in a drunkenly serious expression.

"Yes, Nikolai, I'm cheating on our non existent relationship, I apologize profusely," I feigned nonchalance while still shooting warning daggers at Genya with my eyes. Thankfully, she remained silent, her eyes glazed over as she had promptly become distracted with the two housewives screaming at each other on screen. I pressed the lip of my wine glass to my mouth, taking a long, lingering drink and rolling the bitterly fruity alcohol on my tongue.

"I'm tired, wine makes me tired," Nikolai mumbled, his head suddenly falling against my shoulder as his eyes fluttered closed.

I wasn't surprised he was nearly passed out at this point, he had drank three glasses from his "jumbo" wine glass, one that held almost half a bottle of wine. Luckily for him, he was relatively heavyweight so he wasn't completely wasted quite yet, just verging on sloppy drunk. He snuggled into my side, murmuring something unintelligible into the fabric of my sweater.

"Why wasn't I invited to the snuggle party," Alexei pouted his lips, struggling to prop himself up on his elbows, eyes glassy with intoxication.

"Go snuggle with Tamar and Nadia, they're obviously having more fun," I raised an eyebrow, gesturing to them pointedly. They had been stealing kisses underneath their blanket all night, whispering and giggling softly to each other. Tamar shot me a sullen look as Nadia blushed, hiding her face underneath Tamar's arm.

To their luck, my attention was diverted as Nikolai started to insistently tug on my sleeve in sudden urgency, his eyes widening, "I need to pee. Help me go pee, Alina." My lip curled slightly. Helping a drunk Nikolai go to the bathroom did not sound appealing in the slightest.

"Tolya?" I looked to him hopefully, my eyes pleading.

"He didn't ask me," he rumbled in muted satisfaction, gaze glued to the flat screen.

"Alina," Nikolai whined again, his breath saturated with the bitter smell of alcohol. I eyed him, a reluctant expression turning at the corners of my mouth.

"Fine," I gave in with a sullen lack of enthusiasm, muttering a few choice words under my breath before grasping onto his bicep and pulling him up off the couch. He swayed on his feet for a second before his hand grasped at mine, steadying himself. "Okay, let's go my friend," I sighed, my fingers fisting a handful of his shirt as he leaned against me, practically dragging his feet as I led us down the hall in the general direction one of the many, many bathrooms scattered throughout the mansion.

"You know, you're just sssuper pretty and definitely great, Alina," Nikolai mumbled, his drunkenness seemingly worsening by the second.

"You're so kind, Nikolai," I mildly responded, my arm aching with exertion as I found I was increasingly holding up more and more body weight. He stumbled when I jerked to a halt in front of one of the powder rooms, my fingernails digging into his shoulder to keep him from toppling over.

His eyes were glazed, lidded and disoriented as he stared down at me. "I meant it, I mean it every time, you are ssoooo beautiful," he mumbled nearly incoherently, his hands winding around my waist and pulling me into the hard curve of his body. My heart was hammering wildly in my chest within a second, every part of me completely frozen.

"You're drunk," I finally spoke, words soft. He shook his head in denial, one hand dragging up my back to cradle my neck in his impossibly gentle grip. I felt dizzy, the heady smell of him like warm sandalwood, his touch akin to the soft caress of sheets. He pressed me closer, cheeks flushed and breath reeking of alcohol. I stood motionlessly, my eyelids struggling to stay open.

_Was I drunk? Did I want this?_

Then his warm lips were on mine, sloppy and velvet and everything that I had thought it would feel like to kiss him. My hands hesitantly drifted to his chest, my mouth gently reciprocating his even as the rational part of my brain was screaming for me to stop. 

The voice screamed louder, catching my attention. I needed to stop this. 

My hands pushed gently against his broad shoulders, breaking off the kiss and leaving us both slightly out of breath as I drew back. He look just as stunned as I felt, eyes wide and appearance in utter disarray. "I'm gonna go pee now I think," he decided, words still thick and slurred as promptly, he darted into the bathroom, hastily shutting the door behind him and leaving me standing dumbfounded in the hallway.

***

My hangover was only slightly bothersome, though throughout the day I found my lips perpetually dry and my ears constantly sensitive to any loud or obnoxious noises. Nikolai had woken up seemingly with no recollection of the events of the previous night and I was most definitely planning on keeping him in the dark about what had transpired. I hadn't even told Genya what had happened; I had quickly locked away the thought of his alcohol stained lips on mine with no intention of ever resisting the memory again.

And yet despite my efforts, the confusion weighing in heavy burden on my chest still remained. I had kissed him back, if only for a second.

Could I possibly like Nikolai as something more than a friend?

My teeth bit down hard on my lower lip as my fingers quickly darted across the pin pad, entering the code and pushing the door open into the research lab with quick familiarity. My gaze went straight to Aleksander who was leaned up against his office door and surveying the room with muted interest. Yet another man that I couldn't quite discern my feelings for.

My teeth gritted as our eyes locked from across the room. I immediately looked away.

Genya would have been proud, what with the two mind blowingly attractive men currently and actively vying after me at the same time.

"Harshaw, give me some good news," I almost pleaded, clapping my hands together as I approached our usual station, making him flash me the most defeated look I'd seen to date.

"The cells grew in too dense of clusters again, the oxygen stopped circulating. We have to start over."

My lips turned into a grimace that matched his expression in equal misery. We had attempted and failed at starting four models over the past two weeks, with increasing frustration as each one of them had failed in the exact same manner. I had approached Aleksander about it twice now, only getting infuriating responses for us to keep working. At the thought of Aleksander I immediately became aware of the feeling of his eyes on me, burning into my back as I made my daily trip over the the supply closet, gathering what I needed under his intent gaze. It was almost concerning that I physically sensed it when he moved, approaching me with long, lazy strides.

I didn't look up when he stopped just slightly too close to me, focusing on cleaning the dirty goggles with the sleeve of my sweater.

"Alina," he greeted, voice as soft and cool as always. And yet, it still managed to send goosebumps scattering across my skin as per usual. God damn him, it was infuriating.

"Sir," I greeted, looking up at him briefly. His muscles were surprisingly obvious in their tenseness, his jaw especially tight and sharpening its hard edge even more. Interestingly, he seemed as if he couldn't find words for a long moment, his fingertips tapping against his leg.

"I'd like you to stay behind for an hour or two after your usual session to assist me on another experiment," he finally determined. I couldn't quite discern why the words irritated me so much, though they did.

"Is that a request or a demand?" I glanced him, raising an eyebrow in challenge. He regarded me for a moment as if I was something alien, something he couldn't possibly ever figure out.

"I'd like you to," he repeated, though his expression had shuttered in the span of a blink.

I nodded stiffly. "Then I'll stay, professor."

Turning on my heels, I briskly walked back over to my lab table, leaving him motionlessly standing next to the supply closet. My teeth bit down on the inside of my cheek. He hadn't really done anything wrong, yet I couldn't help but unfairly dump all of my frustrations on him. Him wanting me was just another level of insanity to the mess that was my love life that I just couldn't handle at the moment.

I sat down next to David with a soft huff, making him briefly look up at me before going back to the preparation of the model. "So how have things been going with Genya?" I asked mildly, making him almost drop the tools he was holding as he startled. A narrowed squint brought his attention back to me, his cheeks already slightly flushed in embarrassment.

"Genya is.." he trailed off, fiddling with a metal prod, "We are good. Genya is good."

I had to stifle my laugh; his inherent discomfort with being in a romantic relationship never ceased to be amusing. Especially considering how vocal Genya was about their relationship. David would have probably dropped dead on the spot if he knew the things Genya had told me.

"Well I'm glad you're good," I bit my lip, a smile growing as I met Harshaw's eyes over where David was hunched over the table. It took all of my willpower not to burst out laughing as he silent mouthed, _do they fuck?_

A soft giggle escaped, I clapped my hand over my mouth before nodding in confirmation. His mischievousness grin morphed into a look of over exaggerated nausea, he silently mimed retching as his hand pressed against his mouth.

"Some help on setting this up might be nice," David muttered pointedly, pushing up his glasses.

Harshaw and I dissolved into a fit of laughter almost instantly, my chest aching as tears pooled in my eyes. "I-I'm sorry David, no need to get aggressive," I giggled between gasps for air, which only made Harshaw laugh harder, doubling over in his chair. My snickers gradually subsided as I became acutely aware of a pair of eyes watching us. I wiped at the tears dampening my cheeks, attempting to compose myself as I subtly glanced over toward's Aleksander's office out of the corner of my eye. He was sitting at his desk and watching us through the open blinds on his windows, a sulky look on his features that resembled something dangerously close to a pout. I couldn't help but smirk.

He was jealous.

What an ironic turn of events.

My gaze shifted back to Harshaw, my demeanor suddenly sunnier than ever. "I'll go get a fresh batch of cells and we'll get this thing started, okay guys?" I grinned, standing up and smoothing out my lab coat. David grunted softly, Harshaw groaned in approval.

Another laugh fell from my lips. "Now there's my favorite lab partners."

***

As Aleksander had requested, I stayed long after Harshaw and David and the handful of other lab assistants had left for the night, continuing to work on the fourth painstakingly constructed model with intense fervor. Rather surprisingly he had remained holed up in his office as I worked, every time I glanced over he was still buried in a stack of paperwork that looked maddeningly dull.

A small part of me was disappointed that he hadn't come running out the moment the last person had exited the room. The rational part of me was thankful. The less we interacted, the easier it would be for me to keep a handle on my impulsivity when I was around him.

I picked up my tools again, sighing as I continued the tedious task of arranging the hydrogels for the cells to cling to, hopefully with more success than our previous attempts. Tedious, yes, but also fascinating. Although my eyes were struggling to stay open and I was slightly faint with dizziness, the work we did never ceased to amaze me. What we were doing could very possibly become revolutionary in the field, and with Aleksander Morozova at the head of it all I was quite sure it would become a huge success.

My eyes blurred for a brief moment, exhaustion washing back over me in a nauseating wave. A sigh escaped my lips, my teeth latching onto the inside of my cheek as I pulled my goggles off, rubbing my burning eyes with the back of my hand.

"Tired?"

I jumped, my eyes flying open as I startled at the sound of Aleksander's voice. He was leaning against the table next to me, arms folded over his broad chest and his eyes sparkling with dim amusement. A nervous laugh fell from my lips, I tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear and quickly straightened up from my slumped position, blinking the fatigue from my vision.

"You know how being a student is," I breathily spoke, my voice too high to my own ears. He canted his head, pausing for a moment before slowly nodding in agreement.

"Yes. A lot of late nights."

My cheeks flushed.

"Stop doing that," I mumbled, my eyes averting as I picked up a scalpel, beginning to play with it to expel some of the nervous energy zipping through my veins.

"What?" he asked with an abundance of innocence. I shot him a look with narrowed eyes. He took a step closer to me, making my breath hitch as his voice lowered to a dangerously seductive whisper. "What, Alina? Tell me. Tell me what I'm doing."

I swallowed hard. "You know exactly what," I crossed my arms, my jaw setting in projected confidence, "We agreed it was not a good idea for us to get involved. A horrible idea, in fact." He nodded, the pretense of contemplation gracing his beautiful features. I had to tear my eyes away yet again, my body shifting so I was no longer facing him. Every part of me lusted for him.

"Alina." My name on his lips was electrifying, my skin crackling with burning heat at the sound. Without a hint of hesitation his body pressed up against me from behind, his arms winding around my hips and pulling me into him. The ache intensified, my body coming alive every single place where his skin brushed against mine. His breath cascaded over my neck, lips hovering over my ear. "Is it really such a horrible idea?"

I bit down the moan that was threatening to break free, though I couldn't stop myself from relaxing into the curve of him, his lean muscle hard against my back.

"It is," I whispered softly.

His lips grazed over my earlobe, following a path down the slope of my neck, as light as a whisper of air against my skin. All rational thought was dispelled when his tongue darted from his mouth, leaving a hot trail down to my collarbone. A warm kiss, then a graze of teeth. I hummed in pleasure, my head tilting to the side to expose more of my neck to him. His hand grasped for mine, our fingers winding together against my leg as his thumb gently caressed over my knuckles. Another exhale escaped my lungs as he skimmed his teeth over my pulse, one, twice, before his cool lips pressed against my skin. Another mark that would surely form later, a silent claim. "My Alina," he murmured, voice unusually raspy.

My eyes snapped open.

"No, not _your Alina_ ," I snapped, ripping my hand from his and pushing him away from me with a painfully placed elbow against the middle of his chest. He retreated a few quick steps, a grimace twisted his features as he rubbed the spot I had jabbed him in, looking especially affronted at the sudden betrayal. "I thought we made an agreement, Aleksander," I scowled firmly, desperately trying to brush off the lingering sensation of his lips. He had no response, merely staring at me with unconcealed longing and arms hanging limply at his sides. I ignored the thrum of desire it sent through me, tingling down to my fingertips and making my toes curl in my shoes. "I'm going to go now." The tremor in my voice was unmistakeable.

Our desperation for each other was almost comical at this point.

"Alina-" he uttered in soft protest, words sullenly dying out on his lips when I shot him a sharp look.

"You said yourself you have no self control around me, so why did you ask me to stay?" I slung my bag over my shoulder, my weight sinking into one hip as I raised an eyebrow in challenge. He held my stare, eyes glimmering with something indiscernible.

"Because I wanted you to stay. Because I want you, Alina Starkov, and I get what I want."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "For someone so smart, it's surprising how often you act like an absolute idiot," I smarted. His lips parted in something like disbelief, a breathy laugh escaping them. Shouldering my bag, I strode out of the lab without a second glance, leaving him standing with his mouth practically hanging open in disbelief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always with my work, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	12. everything looks good on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hello my friends im sorry this took so long.. I just finished my last midterm though, so hopefully school slows down this week and I can get some writing knocked out
> 
> im just going to tell you all now- first smut scene is next chapter, PREPARE YOURSELVES. hottest thing I have e v e r written 
> 
> hope you enjoy! <3

The end of the exceedingly long lecture immediately prompted me to gather my things, stuffing everything into my backpack at a leisurely pace as my gaze fell to Aleksander shuffling papers around at his desk. He had purposefully avoided my eyes the whole class, a slightly amusing yet curious mannerism that, admittedly, made me want to catch his attention that much more despite my residual irritation with him. I descended the carpeted stairs of the lecture hall with lazy, languorous steps, bag half slung over my shoulder and arms folded loosely over my chest as I watched him.

The room steadily emptied in relative speed, leaving us alone within a brief minute.

Aleksander continued to stack the papers on his desk as I approached, flashing me a neutral look when I offered the bundle of documents clutched in my grasp with an outstretched arm.

"I accidentally took these yesterday," I tilted my head, intently observing the way he managed to school his features to remain impassive in my presence.

"You mean when you stormed out for no reason?" he raised a brow, a touch of bitterness hinted in the edge of his words.

I rolled my eyes, allowing a slightly mocking laugh part my lips. "Pouting, much? I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings, Aleks?"

His jaw clenched slightly in a brooding stare, eyes hard. "No."

I couldn't help but snicker, an involuntary smirk crawling up the side of my mouth. "I think you got your feelings hurt. That's adorable, really," I teased, unable to resist the opportunity to needle him at least a little bit. He had put me through enough, and I most definitely wasn't going to deny the chance to return the favor. He snatched the papers from my hand, promptly throwing the stack on his desk in one smooth, albeit tense, movement.

"You have wounded my ego beyond repair, Miss Starkov, truly," he crossed his arms, fingertips tapping almost restlessly against his bicep.

"Do you want me to go then, sir?" I asked mildly, immediately causing his mask to slip, eyes flashing.

"Who is being manipulative now, Alina Starkov?"

I couldn't help my grin. He sighed, shaking his head as a soft curve turned at his lips. His fingers reached out, gently caressing over the back of my hand. "Is there something you want from me, besides torturing me with your beauty?" 

I flushed, despite myself. 

Being called beautiful from the lips of the man who was the very definition of the word never failed to make my heart flutter.

"Actually," my reply was reluctant, "I was looking for some guidance on my thesis, I'm not happy with the direction that I'm currently headed in." His body language shifted in a split second, the switch in power almost tangible as he leaned back slightly.

"Our current research contains everything you need and more to determine and write a successful and effective thesis, Alina. Anything else is merely a waste of your valuable time."

 _Our_. _Our_ current research. 

My pulse had raced in direct correlation to the phrase. Still, my response was acetic. "Why would it be a waste?" I narrowed my eyes ever so slightly in challenge.

He canted his head. "Because you're going to be working in my field with me once you graduate, Alina. We are going to change the world together, and any other pursuit would be a waste of your talent and your intellect." My scoff was sputtered and flustered, my cheeks warming with a dull burn.

"You're a little fucking presumptuous, Aleksander," I bit out, hands clenching at my sides. He shrugged, as if his presumptuousness was not something that could be contended. 

My phone buzzing in my pocket made me tense, though it was a welcome distraction from the increasingly hot flush flaming across my pale cheeks. One glance at the screen made something between a growl and a groan form on my lips. 

A text from Mal.

<< We need to talk, alina

Aleksander's evaluating stare was piercing as I rigidly typed out a reply.

>> fuck off. 

"The ex-boyfriend," he guessed, breaking the tense silence with lofty words. I stuffed my phone back in my pocket, meeting his gaze with a miserable, half hearted glare.

"Yes, _the frat boy,_ as you so fondly refer to him as. I just told him to fuck off, and I'm dangerously close to telling you the same thing, _Professor_." 

My startle was embarrassingly obvious as he let out a reactive laugh at my irritated words, the sound bright and warm and a reminder of all of the reasons why I let myself get lost in him time after time. The hot pulse of anger dissipated in a second, Mal a forgotten concern as I let the sound of his soft chuckles wash over me. "You never cease to surprise me, Alina Starkov," he finally hummed in amusement, eyes glimmering and smile crooked. 

I had to leave, had to get out before I inevitably shoved him against the wall and made out with his stupid, perfect face. 

"I'll keep that in mind, Aleksander Morozova," I let my eyes flicker to his for a brief moment before glancing away, "I'll see you tomorrow." His head dipped forward in a silent nod. 

The echo of his laughter rang softly in my ears as I walked out, silently cursing every step I took that carried me away from him. 

***

"First time in a library, how does it feel?" I playfully asked as Nikolai trailed close behind me, watching as I scoured the bookshelves for new sources for my thesis.

"It's invigorating, especially the staring at the back of your head part," he sighed, a hint of a bored whine to his words.

"You said you wanted to hang out no matter what," I hummed, my finger thumbing over a thick dissertation before pulling it off the shelf.

"Well you see, what I meant by that is me distracting you from boring shit like this so we can go have some actual fun," he grinned crookedly, making me roll my eyes.

"Some people actually have to work hard, fun is hardly ever in the schedule and you should know that better than anyone, Nikolai."

He considered that, fingers running through his dirty blonde hair. "I do bring all of the fun to this friendship, I have to say," he shrugged, a wicked glint in his eye when I stuck my tongue out in response. His lips tugged upward in a smaller, gentler smile as he held my stare.

Awkwardness immediately crowded in on me, I hastily looked away, turning my attention back to the floor to ceiling bookshelves. I still hadn't brought up our kiss, and with him having blacked out and forgotten everything, I most definitely planned on keeping it that way. Though even just me knowing constantly sent me blushing and fidgeting with discomfort every time our gazes lingered too long.

"Here, make yourself useful," I dumped my growing stack of books into his arms; he let out a groan of exaggerated effort as he hefted them into a more comfortable position. I shook my head slightly as he trailed behind me, grumbling dramatics under his breath, staring blankly as I sunk into a bench in one of the many study nooks. My eyes lifted to meet his as he stood motionlessly, mild horror quickly etching into his handsome features.

"We're staying to _study?"_

I let out a soft snicker. "Sit Nikolai, putting some effort into your classes would look good on you." He let out another groan before dropping the books on the table, sliding onto the bench seat next to me. I couldn't stop the smirk from pulling at the corner of my lips as he huffed, immediately starting to shift and fidget as I flipped open a book, wide array of colorful sticky tabs at the ready. 

I didn't get through more than two sentences before Nikolai was nudging me, poking my knee with a pout not unlike that of a little boy annoying his mom.

"Nikolai," I warned softly, pressing a yellow tab down on the title page of a useful essay concerning neuropsychology testing on chronic disease in relation to behavioral habits.

"You know what would be absolutely delightful?" he mused, pointedly ignoring the warning edge to my words, "Rearranging all of the books in random order. That would make for some lovely entertainment." Something between a scoff and a sigh blew through my slightly parted lips, my head tilting slightly as I shook my head in disapproval. "Or making out against the bookshelves, that's always a prime use of the library," he hummed, bumping my knee under the table.

In the past, I would have brushed off the comment with a snarky reply or a noise of distaste. But at the words, my mind immediately shot to the feeling of his lips on mine, the taste of alcohol and the smell of sandalwood, his hands in my hair.

My cheeks flushed a deep red.

The air between us immediately shifted, a deep quiet blanketing the booth.

"Alina." His voice was unusually soft.

I had to force myself to look over at him, my teeth latching onto the soft flesh of the inside of my cheek. There was uncertainty in his hazel eyes, a mixture of trepidation and concern as he seemingly hesitated.

"I'm sorry, Alina, I have to admit that I haven't been honest with you."

My body stiffened instinctually. "About what, Nikolai?"

In all of the years I had known him, I had never seen him look so uneasy.

"I..." he trailed off, breaking eye contact for a brief moment. "I made you think that I didn't remember but.. I remember that night last week. The night that I kissed you."

My stomach dropped to my feet. "Nikolai," I sighed, my hands wringing together in my lap. The feeling of my pulse was entirely too fast, hammering painfully in my throat. I still didn't know what I wanted, I certainly didn't have any answers for the silent questions brimming in his eyes. I didn't even know how I _felt_.

He shifted closer, placing his hand over mine where it rested atop the textbook in front of me. "I don't want to ruin our friendship Alina," he exhaled in a miserable tone that matched mine in equal desolation.

"You're not, Nikolai," I murmured, a weak smile pulling at my lips. He leaned into me, the length of his body pressing against mine as he ran his hand down the length of my arm. 

"Alina?"

My name was spoken with delightful surprise that had quickly morphed into impassiveness by the last syllable. I jerked away from Nikolai, my eyes flickering up to see Aleksander standing at the front of our study pod, regarding us with a coldly emotionless expression.

"Professor, nice to see you," I stiffly greeted, shifting a few imperceptible inches away from Nikolai.

My teeth found my lower lip when Nikolai spoke as well, his tone deceivingly light. "Professor Morozova, how are you?"

Aleksander's gaze slowly lowered to Nikolai, muted disdain flickering in the depth of his slate grey eyes. "Lantsov," he simply responded in acknowledgement, offering no hint of an answer to Nikolai's inquiry.

The tension was embarrassingly thick, Nikolai glancing to me in confusion while Aleksander and I silently stared at each other. Possessive jealousy flexed the muscle of his hard jawline, though the tell disappeared as quickly as it had come.

"I would be focusing on restructuring your thesis if I were you, Miss Starkov," he canted his head almost mockingly. My hands clenched underneath the table.

"I'm working on it right now, sir," I curtly replied.

That same infuriating mocking expression as his eyes flickered between me and Nikolai sitting just slightly too close to each other.

"I can see that."

My lips pressed together to stifle a snappy retort burning on my tongue.

The beat of silence was agonizing.

"Well, I look forward to seeing you in class, Alina," he nodded, satisfaction dripping from his words, not sparing a second glance towards Nikolai as he promptly walked away with long, languorous steps.

It felt like I could hardly breathe.

 _What the actual fuck_. _Did God hate me? Was this my punishment for some crime I wasn't aware of?_

"Alina?" Nikolai's voice was a million miles away. "What was that?" My face pressed into my hands, my cheeks flushed. "I don't know, Nikolai, he's just an asshole, remember?" I mumbled through my fingers, resisting the wild urge to claw my own eyes out.

Despite his infuriatingly callous demeanor, the interaction had only left me wanting him that much more. Not to mention it had confirmed the fact that I could never see Nikolai as anything more than a friend. What I felt for Nikolai was nothing compared to what I felt for Aleksander, a raging hot wildfire of want and desire and a connection I had never experienced before, not even with Mal.

What perfect timing it was for me to finally actualize my feelings. Excluding the fact that it meant I couldn't just be happy with a guy that was actually age appropriate for me and my best friend.

No, I just had to be infatuated with the person that was most definitely wrong for me.

Immoral. Manipulative. Powerful. A royal pain in the ass.

Nikolai cautiously placed his hand on my leg, his thumb gently stroking across my thigh in an effort to comfort. "Nikolai, I'm sorry, I just really need my best friend right now, not anything more," I swallowed hard, my eyes closing as my head fell miserably against his shoulder. He tensed for a brief moment, muscles flexing against me before promptly relaxing.

I didn't deserve him. I knew it even as I pulled him closer.

"Okay, Alina."

***

My thumbs stabbed the screen aggressively hard, flying across my keyboard as fast as I had ever typed.

>> do you really have to be such an insufferable asshole all the time??

>> jealousy doesn't look good on you, professor morozova

I hit send before I could think better of it. And of course it was a lie, seeing him that way had only made me want him that much more. But the point was not to expose myself, it was, at the very least, to aggravate him.

<< Everything looks good on me.

<< And yes, I do. The Lantsov boy? Really, Alina?

I scowled.

>> he's not like the rest of his family

>> and you still have no right to treat him how you did, he's my best friend

>> furthermore, there's nothing romantic between us, not that that concerns you

<< Anything about you concerns me, Alina.

>> you're absolutely ridiculous

>> and insufferable

<< Careful, Alina. I'm still the one grading your papers.

Prick.

>> i sincerely apologize, sir, i was obviously the one that was out of line

<< Apology accepted.

<< I wasn't joking when I said you should be working on your thesis, Alina. I think you will want me reviewing it before you submit it.

Cocky piece of _shit_.

>> ill be sure to finish it as quickly as possible so i can have the privilege of your blessed eyes looking over it

<< We're on the same page then. I'm glad.

>> your ego is suffocating

<< Your stubbornness matches my arrogance and is doubly as irritating.

>> and here i thought you liked me, aleksander

<< Your beauty and intelligence happens to surpass them both.

I blushed despite myself. How did we always seem to circle back around to sarcastic flirting, no matter how angry I was at him originally?

>> im flattered, really

>> you still suck

>> dont pull that shit again and for the love of god, stay away from me before you do something you'll regret

<< I wouldn't regret it.

>> good bye, aleksander

***

"Favorite book, go," Alexei asked with a lopsided grin, swiveling back and forth on his chair.

"Hmm, tough question," I hummed in thought, "Probably Six of Crows. Kaz Brekker gets me every time. What about you?" He tilted his head in thought, looking up at the ceiling as he contemplated.

It was almost time for closing and the bookstore had been deserted for hours now seeing as it was a particularly quiet Tuesday night. Alexei and I had spent the time asking each other as many questions as we could think of whilst we spun back and forth on our office chairs behind the front desk.

Not my worst night, that was for sure.

Though I still couldn't help but flush every time I looked over at the bookshelves considering my last shift I had been making out with a certain infuriatingly attractive professor in the middle of the store. 

I reached for my coffee, chugging half of it down before placing it back down against the counter, resting my chin in my hand as Alexei babbled on. My breaths felt unnaturally shallow in my chest, a faint ringing suddenly growing in my ears, drowning out his voice with concerningly increasing volume.

"Alexei," I held my hand up, my voice sounding entirely too breathy and foreign.

"Alina, are you okay? You're as pale as a sheet," he questioned, worry lacing through the muted sound of his voice.

I grasped the edge of the desk, my hands trembling slightly as my fingernails sunk into the wood. "Can you get me water," I croaked, my breaths dissolving into erratic pants. 

_What the hell was happening to me?_

He nodded, hastily scrambling for his water bottle, uncapping and offering it to me. My vision blurred as I pressed it to my lips, swallowing down as much of it as I could get before placing it back down on the desk, forcefully slowing down my breathing with clenched teeth until the ringing faded and the blurriness cleared.

"Alina, should I call an ambulance? Are you okay? I-I don't know what to do," he stammered, near tears.

"I'm okay, I'm okay Alexei," I pressed the back of my hand against my forehead, my skin frighteningly cool to the touch. A long, shaky exhale finally returned my rapid heartbeat to normal, I swallowed several times before taking another long drink of water. "See? All better," I laughed weakly, wiping my lips with the back of my hand.

He eyed me, chewing uncertainly on his lower lip. "I think you should see a doctor Alina, that was not normal," he softly asserted, playing with the ends of his sweater in fidgety anxiousness. Weariness folded over me like a heavy blanket, weighing down my shoulders and applying pressure onto my chest that made it almost hard to breathe again.

"I'm fine, I think I was just dehydrated," I assured him in hollow comfort, purposefully leaving out the information that I had barely slept two hours the previous night. 

This was just a rough patch, I would get through it. Doubt rustled in my heart, but I quickly shoved it down.

"I'm fine, really," I insisted in response to his unconvinced look.

"I-" he started, hesitating before letting out a sigh of defeat, "Okay, Alina."

"Now, where were we," I flashed a weak attempt at a grin, "Favorite book, right?"

***

I slouched considerably against the worn, cracked red leather of the diner booth as I stubbornly picked at my food. Alexei and Genya had apparently traitorously quickly ratted me out to Tolya and Tamar, who had subsequently cornered me into talking to them about my apparent _issues_.

"Alina, come on, you know we're the most impartial out of everyone, we just want to make sure everything's okay with you," Tamar sighed, making the frown curling at my lips deepen even further. Though they meant well, it still felt like something akin to an ambush, them asking me out to dinner only to have them spring on me that the majority of my friends thought I was gradually spiraling out of control.

"I'm fine you guys, I've just been a little tired lately," I insisted, spooning another generous bite of pasta into my mouth.

"Alina, you are clearly overworking yourself, Genya told us how you fell asleep in class, not to mention you almost passed out on Alexei," Tolya rumbled with a hint of disapproval. A soft exhale left my lips as I finally looked up at the two of them, folding my arms loosely over my chest.

Yes, my eyes were struggling to stay open even now, but that didn't mean anything. I just needed a couple hours of sleep and I would be perfectly fine.

I knew the words were a lie even as I thought them to myself.

"I just had a rough patch, okay? I'll get more sleep now, I promise," I twirled a pasta noodle around my fork in continuous circles, watching sullenly as they exchanged a look. If it was possible to have twin telepathy, they would be the one's to possess it. It seemed as if they were holding a whole silent conversation with just their eyes. My pasta quickly became tasteless as I aggressively chewed it over and over until it was practically a bland paste on my tongue.

"Just take care of yourself, Alina," Tamar sighed, her demeanor uncharacteristically solemn as she leaned forward, "We really don't want to have to have a full scale intervention."

Immediately my whole body seized with tension, my jaw setting with stubborn outrage. "I don't need your surveillance, you're not my fucking guards," I hissed, slamming my fork down against the wood of the table. They both stared at me with an identical look of thinly veiled shock.

"We want what is best for you, Alina," Tolya spoke more gently than I had ever heard from him.

A frustrated growl formed on my lips. "I can decide what is best for me without your help, I'm not some weak little girl that can't fend for herself, you know."

Tamar nodded in agreement with my words, raising her eyebrow in challenge, "Exactly, Alina. All we're asking is that our very capable friend treats herself in the way that she deserves. That's it." My anger immediately cooled, dull shame replacing it at my rather extreme outburst.

Uncomfortable silence blanketed the table for a long moment. A weak smile finally plucked at the corner of my mouth. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be mad that you're worried about me. I'll do better for myself, I promise." They looked skeptical, but both of them merely nodded in response. I played with the hem of my sweater, working at a thread on the end of the seam between my thumb and index finger.

"So.... dessert?" I hopefully asked, glancing up at them from underneath my lashes.

A grin quickly broke out on Tamar's lips. "Of course, Alina, who do you think I am?"

***

As soon as I entered the classroom my eyes sought out Aleksander's. His lips tugged upward in response to my heated, murderous glare; I sat down with an air of indignation that I was well aware was probably manifesting above my head in a practically visible dark cloud of brooding. There was no way of him knowing that I had tossed and turned last night dreaming of him, and yet the smug expression that adorned his elegant features made it seem that he did, that he had visited me himself and tortured me purposefully.

The ridiculous thought was effective in only irritating me that much more, even if it was obviously not true.

I slammed my notebook down on my desk before crossing my arms, ignoring the few looks that the loud noise of paper slapping against wood garnered. I was letting him win, and I knew it, but even as our eyes reconnected across the room, I couldn't seem to keep the morose expression from winning over my features. It was aggravating, to say the least. I was exhausted to the brink of death, drowning in work, in the midst of breaking my best friend's heart, and he had the audacity to _smile_ at me? The urge to flip him off was wildly difficult to resist, instead I settled for narrowing my eyes in clear communication of my disapproval.

He canted his head, stare lingering on me for a few more moments before averting to sweep around the classroom. "After lecture your graded research papers will be handed back," he hummed in an unusually light, conversational tone, making suspicion coil around my limbs. Unlike most, it was never a good sign when he was in an outwardly pleasant mood.

Though concerning, the thought slipped from my mind as the lecture began, dragging on until pages of writing were spilling over the margins of my notebook, my hand impossibly tired from scribbling so fast. Despite my irritation, I still couldn't help but continue to marvel at his every word. I could only hope to one day be as revolutionarily intelligent as he was.

He clicked off the last of his slides, tapping the remote against his hand as silence blanketed the hall for a brief moment. "The teaching assistants will now hand your papers back. If you have any questions you will refer back to them. I will not answer your emails imploring for a better grade, all grades are final. Additionally, my office hours are canceled this week. I will see you all in class tomorrow."

The room quickly became filled with murmurs and soft conversation of anticipation as the teaching assistants collectively rose from their seats, beginning to pass out the thick stack of papers balanced in their arms. My eyes remained on a suspicious Aleksander as he turned his back, already beginning to gather things from his desk, carefully shuffling papers and placing them in his black leather briefcase with meticulous care. 

"Alina Starkov."

I jumped at the sound of my name being called, immediately springing from my seat and flying up the few steps where the assistant was standing. Her look was concerningly sympathetic as she handed the essay to me. One glance down was enough to realize why as I tentatively took it from her outstretched hand.

In bright red ink, the grade was scratched in taunting capitalization.

An F.

My mouth fell open, a scoff falling from my lips before I could stop it. My eyes shot back to the front of the classroom.

He was already gone.

Now his sunny disposition made entirely too much sense. I could have screamed, my hands clenching and crumpling the thick bunch of papers in my grip.

He most certainly had a death wish. And I was happily going to grant it to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always with my work, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	13. say it again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its 4am so im gonna keep this short but this is one of the hottest smut scenes ive ever written so you'd better enjoy or im quitting writing forever
> 
> kidding but I do hope you enjoy it!! love you all!!

I was a storm of wild anger as I slammed the door open to Aleksander's lab, immediately stalking to the back of the room where his office resided. The door was shut, the blinds firmly closed though the lights were on, signifying his obvious presence.

Was he _hiding_ from me?

With my essay clutched in one hand, my free one lifted, slamming several times insistently against the door. "Open up you coward!" I hissed, unable to resist the urge to stomp my foot on the concrete flooring.

Silence.

I grasped the door handle, dimly surprised to find it unlocked. My shoulder rammed against the hard wood, shoving it open and revealing Aleksander calmly leaning against the edge of his desk, attention trained on documents lazily held up in front of him.

"Office hours are closed," he spoke mildly, though a very obvious smirk curled at his lips as he continued to scan over his papers.

"What the fuck is this _bullshit,_ Aleksander?" I seethed, holding up the crushed paper with hands trembling with anger. At that he looked up, arching a brow in challenge.

"Are you questioning my ability to grade papers in the field I have a doctorates degree and multiple awards in?" The mocking tone to his words made me want to either scream or strangle him.

Maybe both would suffice.

I closed to distance between us to mere inches, my teeth baring into a barely restrained snarl. "Are you questioning your most trusted research assistant's ability to write a coherent paper on the research we are currently conducting? I don't deserve this F, Aleksander, and you know it."

His lips quirked upwards as slowly, lazily, he dropped his stack of papers onto his desk, shifting off the edge of the glass to his full, towering height. A shiver slid down my spine when he finally responded, words unimaginably seductive in tone.

"Maybe. But how else was I supposed to get you alone with me?"

The next few moments were a hazy blur, one second I was glaring up at his elegantly beautiful features and the next our lips had collided in a wave of angry, lustful heat. One of his hands immediately captured the side of my face, the other snaking around my waist and yanking me into the curve of his body. The aggression between us was palpable, my teeth sinking into his lower lip, his fingers digging roughly into my skin, pulling me closer until there was no part of each other that wasn't tangled together. My crumpled sheaf of papers fell from my hand, scattering across the floor and quickly forgotten as my grip tangled through his silky black curls. His lips, god his _lips_ , I had forgotten how soft they were, how pleasant he tasted, how many sinful things I wanted him to do to me with them..

My train of thought blew away as quickly as it had formed as his hands grasped underneath my thighs, sinking into my skin as he swiftly picked me up, sweeping the contents of his desk off to the side before placing me on the edge of the immaculate glass. I let out an embarrassingly strangled breath of pleasure as he stepped between my legs, his hips hard against mine and making my core ache with need at the sudden increase in pressure. His tongue danced across my lower lip before parting my mouth open for him, something I met with no resistance. No, I was entirely too consumed with the feeling of his fingers finding their way under my shirt, sliding up the curves of my waist and whispering over my hot skin, unbearably light. A sound of frustration worked its way up from my throat; I yanked him closer, quickly making work of undoing the buttons of his dress shirt before shoving it off of his shoulders.

The kiss faltered as my eyes worked their way across his lean, muscular physique, pale and chiseled and utter perfection. He took the opportunity to trail his lips down the side of my jaw, settling on a spot along the slope of my neck and teasing the skin with his tongue and teeth. I didn't even try to stop the moan that broke free, filling the air between us amidst the sound of heavy breaths. My fingertips raked down his torso, savoring the sensation of his coiled muscle under my touch before grasping at the buckle of his supple leather belt. The feeling of his smirk against my skin was enough to reignite the anger thick in the back of my throat, though it didn't hinder the movement of my hands continuing to unbuckle his pants.

"You know I deserved an A on that paper," I snapped, my voice higher and more breathy than I had intended. He hummed, the smug curl of his lips deepening as his thumb flicked over the clasp of my bra, undoing it and easing it off my shoulders from underneath my shirt.

"It was a B plus."

My lip curled, but the snappy retort immediately died on my tongue as his fingers twirled over my nipples. The pleasure that ensued under his hand was a warm caress that only added to the increasing heat throbbing between my legs. My ankles locked around his torso, my back arching into him, desperate for some friction to satiate the unbearable need. 

"Asshole," I exhaled, my eyes fluttering closed as he slipped my shirt over my head, tossing it to the side.

"It's very possible my hand might have slipped, but fortunately such mistakes can easily be corrected," he murmured, easing my head back before continuing his conquest of love bites down my collar bone. My breath hitched when he reached the swell of my breasts, the heat of his tongue trailing over the sensitive skin in twisting patterns that made unbridled whimpers form on my lips.

"You are insufferable," I bit out, finally managing to undo his buckle and pulling the expensive belt off with a rather violent yank. He stepped out of his slacks, kicking the fabric off before pressing back between my legs.

"So it seems, you've told me numerous times before, Alina," he husked, fingers making quick work of unbuttoning my jeans and tugging them down from my hips in one smooth motion. The sound of my name on his lips in this context was more than enough to make me whimper again, pathetically wanting. He chuckled in wicked satisfaction, rich and silky, sending a shiver down my spine. "So eager," he pressed me closer, lips dancing over mine tauntingly as his fingers hooked through the band of my underwear, ripping the lace clean through. My teeth clenched to snap at him, quickly silenced as his mouth collided against mine.

Then in unimaginably teasing fashion, his grip tugged my legs apart, his index finger sliding through my dripping folds and sending a shockwave through my body that brought the world to a screaming halt. My exhale was embarrassingly stilted against his lips, my eyes rolling back as he repeated the movement, adding a soft swipe over my clit.

"Ah, Aleks-" I stumbled, my hands roughly fisting his curls to steady their shaking. He growled in response, his cool demeanor falling away to primal, lustful desire.

"My name, Alina," he demanded softly, teeth grazing my lower lip. I chased his kiss as he drew away when I remained silent, quartz eyes piercing into mine. My jaw clenched in defiance, tilting up to meet his stare in challenge.

If he thought this was me giving myself to him or allowing to him to win this game that he played, he was going to be disappointed.

His grip at the small of my back increased in pressure at the same time as his fingers halted their movement entirely, leaving me aching and weak. My legs desperately tried to close, to give myself some sort of movement to satisfy the throbbing heat. He forced them back open, fingertips dancing along the inside of my damp inner thigh. My prior resolve which I had been so sure of only moments before shattered.

"Fuck, _please_ ," I grasped at this hand, unable to hold on to even a scrap of my dignity. I had dreamed about this moment for far too long to fuck it up now with pride, even if that meant giving in and begging for a few moments. He tilted his head slightly, remaining silent, an invitation. "Please, Aleksander," I pleaded, cursing the pathetically obvious need laced through the words. A sharp exhale left his lips in reaction before his mouth met mine again in increased fervor, his elegant, slender fingers finally entering me with a long stroke of utter euphoria. The moan that left me was embarrassing in its volume, though the sound was muffled by Aleksander's warm lips continuing to move desperately against mine.

"Shhh, my Alina," he murmured, his thumb circling over my clit eliciting another sharp gasp of hot, intense pleasure. My free hand shot to the band of his boxer briefs, tugging them down with trembling haste. "I need you, Aleks," I breathed, my voice embarrassingly hoarse as I tried to speak through the sounds of pleasure spilling from my lips. The kiss grew hungrier, demanding more from me as the pace of his fingers increased, hooking and curling inside of me and pulling cries and pants from my mouth with little effort. I matched his ferocity as he pulled me closer, our tangle of limbs no longer separated by a single scrap of fabric. Everywhere he touched spread the heat of a thousand wildfires, fire licking across my skin and burning to unbearable temperatures. "Again, say it again," he shuddered, his control quite clearly dissolved into nothing, just as tightly wound as I was as he yanked me to the edge of the desk with taught, coiled muscles. I didn't even attempt resist this time.

"I need you, Aleksander."

I barely had time to absorb the daunting size of his length before he was pushing into me, filling me to the fullest extent and immediately making my fingernails sink into his back. The world melted into liquid ecstasy as we stayed there for a moment, fitting together so perfectly it was staggering.

The soft whimper of need that fell from my lips immediately made him hiss in satisfaction, beginning to thrust into me with long, deep strokes. It took every ounce of self control I possessed not to cry out with pleasure, my eyes rolling back as one of his sinful hands found my clit again, swiping and twisting in rhythm with his rapidly increasing pace. It was better than anything I could have possibly imagined, the feeling of him inside of me, his breath in my ear and his hands roaming wherever they pleased. My body responded to his every silent command as if it belonged to him, as if _I_ belonged to him, arching and twisting, making my lips part as our combined movement sent fiery ecstasy burning hot through my veins.

"Look at me, Alina," he breathed, angling my hips up to meet his with one expertly placed hand. A moan poured from my lips, my eyes fluttering open for a brief moment to meet his silver gaze. His black curls were messy, his biceps flexing with muscle as he held me tightly into him, his lips glinting with moisture.

The sight could have very possibly have been enough to make me come right then and there.

A smirk pulled at his lips, a sign that my thoughts were most likely written clearly all over my face.

"Arrogant," I glared, roughly yanking on a fist of his curls.

He chuckled, eyes glimmering with wickedness. "Say it again, Miss Starkov."

My mouth parted, but the word dissolved into an obscene moan as he rocked his hips into mine _hard_.

"How does it feel to be fucking your professor, Alina?" he murmured, shoulders coiling under my grip as my fingernails sliced in further into his skin in retaliation.

"Not nearly as good as you think," I bit out in return, a pitiful lie that both of us knew was such. Each new wave of pleasure was more intense than before, building the heat settled at the base of my spine with every subsequent thrust. His thumb flicked viciously over my clit, making my body involuntarily lurch into his, my head burying into the curve of his neck. "Aleksander," I spoke his name like a curse, every part of me straining towards him as my mind numbed. All I could comprehend was the feeling of his skin against mine, his hips then his fingers then his lips when they descended onto the slope of my shoulder, soft and depraved as they left burning, open mouthed kisses wherever they could possibly reach.

My breaths were nothing but pants now, my teeth closing on the smooth skin of his neck to keep myself from screaming. He tensed as my tongue glided over his cool skin, sucking and nipping in drunken-like determination to mark him as he had with me.

"Alina," he mumbled with a hint of protest, his breath audibly hitching before his raspy moan, a sound of pure, toe curling sex, filled the air. My mouth drew away from his neck almost instantly, our lips meeting in desperate synchrony.

"Faster," I begged into the kiss, not even attempting to stifle my cry of ecstasy as he complied without hesitation. The heat was rising, making my legs shake uncontrollably as I brought him closer, my hips bucking forward and meeting his rhythm as fast as I was able.

"Would you like to come, Alina?" he husked, his fingers cupping my breasts and lazily circling my nipples. I nodded, unable to formulate any words besides his name, whimpered over and over like a particularly repetitive prayer of sin. "How badly," he whispered, well aware he was taking me higher and higher, every second closer and closer to release.

"So badly, p-please," I gasped, my body already grasping at the beginnings of my orgasm with greedy fingertips. My head tilted back, lips parted and eyes shut.

His hand wound through my hair, gripping hard as he ordered, "Look at me when I make you come, Alina Starkov."

My eyes flew open as he flicked over my clit hard, his last stroke hurtling me over the edge into a sea of euphoria. It was unlike anything I had ever felt before, spilling and washing over every inch of me as I came, my hands clawing wildly at his back.

"Quiet," he scolded softly, capturing my lips with his own in order to stifle the stream of sinful noises I couldn't seem to subdue.

My skin was buzzing as the waves coursed through me in warm tremors; I felt more alive than I had ever been. Complete. Whole. _Right_.

Gradually the sounds quieted on my tongue, lingering heat still zipping across my skin as I drew away. He leaned into my touch as my fingertips trailed along his smooth, hard jawline, savoring the feeling of it underneath my hand. How many times had I imagined myself doing exactly that?

"Aleksander," I uttered softly as I pulled back, my voice laced with pure, unadulterated longing. "I want you to come."

In any other context I might have been mortified at my obscene candor. But I wanted my name on his lips, to be to reason that he came apart, the same as I had with him.

His eyes darkened, his grip sliding up my bare spine and making me shiver. He leaned forward, mouth hovering over mine and lips parting.

"Bend over."

The command was nothing but a rasp of lust, his hand burning hot where it rested at my bare waist. A trill of anticipation tingled at my fingertips; I quickly complied without resistance, sliding off the edge of his desk and slowly bending over, my bare torso pressing against the cool glass and sending another shiver wracking through my frame.

"Isn't this cliche, my dear Alina?" he murmured coolly, a finger lightly stroking down the center of my back.

"What, the professor stopping in the middle of sex to say something pretentious to the student he's fucking?" I sarcastically spoke.

He let out a soft laugh of amusement, his hands winding through my hair. "Fair point, solnishka."

I didn't have a chance to ask him what the foreign word meant before he entered me in a hard, smooth stroke. My hand immediately fisted in my mouth, biting down hard onto my knuckles as that same ecstasy spread through my body in mind numbing fashion. The sinful sounds of sex immediately filled the room as his speed increased, this time focused on his own high rather than mine. A soft "ah" formed on my lips, my eyelids fluttering. His hand dug into my hip, the other trailing up my spine and gathering my hair in his grip before fisting it roughly. My back arched at his will as he tugged with enough pressure for me to comply. The change in angle sent a spark of heat to my core, a moan pouring from my mouth. He responded with a low, raspy hum of satisfaction.

"Aleksander," I panted.

He rocked into me hard. " _Alina_."

Every touch, every stroke, every breath, pant, and moan of pleasure was heaven, at least in the sinful sense of the word. He was slowly unraveling, his grip sinking into my waist as my name fell from his mouth over and over, and never had the word sounded more perfect then on the lips of this man.

Alina. Alina. AlinaAlinaAlinaAlinaAlina _Alina_.

There was no sense of time, just the vaguely aware feeling of a high building again, fast approaching. The fire burning through my veins flared hotter, my fingers grasping the glass of the desk when both of us coiled with tension, his pace relentless and torturous as I writhed helplessly. "Say it," he breathlessly uttered, more unhinged and helpless than I had ever heard him.

A whimper, spilling over. "Aleksander, Aleksander Morozova, Aleks-"

My words were stifled as he tugged me backward into a biting kiss, our lips sloppy and heated and desperate. And then he let out an exhale of pleasure as he hurtled over the edge, taking me along with him. His touch roamed across the planes of my body, the only thing keeping me grounded as my vision swarmed with black with the intensity of the second orgasm that wracked through my body. He grasped my body close as he rode out our high, settling back onto the curve of my waist when he finally stilled, pulling my body further into his as if to savor the already fleeting moment. I felt him lean forward, pressing a soft kiss against the back of my shoulder, his still labored breaths dancing over my skin. We remained silent, continuing to pant, the depths of pleasure gradually fading and gently touching us back down to reality.

Reality.

Reality was a professor with his student bent over his desk, both breathing hard and slick with sweat.

My curse was low and muttered, laced with both anger and self loathing as lust faded to rational thought. A hand braced against the desk, the glass embarrassingly foggy and slick with moisture, but undoubtedly the least of my worries as I found my feet, desperately not wanting to turn around and face him.

"Alina," he murmured, his hand smoothing over mine and lacing our fingers together.

"Fuck," I shook my head, my head bowing into my chest, "I-I can't believe I just did that. This is... this is so wrong. What the fuck did we do, Aleksander?"

He sighed, his warm lips slowly descending to the back of my neck, littering soft, chaste kisses of comfort across my skin. "Don't think about the rest of the world, they don't matter. Just you and me, Alina. Let it happen. Let _us_ happen."

It sent a shudder through me at the thought. Another gentle kiss against the slope of my shoulder. His fingers gripped mine harder as the silence prolonged.

"What is it about me? What could you possibly see in me to make you risk something like this?" I softly asked, my eyelids squeezing shut with shame. He stilled, his breath seeming to catch for a moment. Slowly, his hands worked over my waist, moving to turn me around to face him.

"Look at me, Alina," he spoke firmly, a hint of his cool confidence present again. My eyes cracked open a sliver, a warm blush of modesty spreading over my cheeks at both of our exposed vulnerability. His index finger slid under my chin, barely a whisper of touch as he guided my head upward to meet his eye line.

"Everything. Everything about you."

There was something like awe in his quartz eyes, eyes that were normally so shuttered from hinting at any emotion. "You are the physical embodiment of the sun, claiming every room as your own with your light. Your intelligence rivals mine, you match my stubbornness stride for stride, you have somehow found a way to... to balance me out. You can keep making these excuses about circumstances and timing, but what is between us is right in every sense of the word, and you know it as much as I do. Let me show you what we can be together." 

The scolding voice of my conscience seemed to quiet then for the first time in a long, long while. I could be selfish.

I wanted to be selfish.

"Yes."

He stiffened for a second in something like surprise, as if he was shocked at such a quick submission. "Yes?"

Slowly, I nodded, the movement stiff with hesitation. "Yes, Aleksander. I want to be with you. I'm not going to fight it anymore." He blinked, seemingly frozen for a brief moment. Then that genuine, dazzling smile graced his features again, an image that I had held close, stitched onto my heart despite my silent protest. Our lips met as he pulled me into him, the kiss soft and laced with excitement, not desperate and rushed like before when neither of us knew if it would be our last. His mouth quirked against mine after a moment, making me draw back slightly, lips swollen and cheeks still flushed.

"What, Aleks?"

His chuckle was dangerously close to carefree, gesturing to the floor littered with scattered papers and office supplies.

"It appears that we have a mess to clean up."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


	14. i must not be that bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof so its been a while, im sorry for the wait but life has been crazy. the next chapter will be up in less than a month (before I go back to school), so stay tuned and love you all!!
> 
> enjoy <3

"We have a lot to cover," I murmured, pressing the lip of my mug to my parted lips as I stared at Genya with more than a touch of apprehensiveness. The coffee shop was just slightly too quiet for comfort, making my words hushed. She tilted her head in curious inquiry. Withholding all of the information of my tumultuous relations between Nikolai and Aleksander over the past week had made me feel sick, yet my inclination towards actually voicing the words was still reluctant at best. 

Saying it aloud was going to make it real. And reality was only slightly terrifying. 

"Come on, Alina, spit it out, the suspense is killing me," Genya playfully wiggled her eyebrows, a wicked smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth. I met her excitement with a pained grimace. 

"I'm dating Aleksander." The words tumbled from my lips with anxious adrenaline, though a rush of relief quickly followed suit as the weight of keeping it a secret lifted.

For once, Genya was nearly speechless. Her coffee mug had frozen mid air, her mouth having fallen open and continually gaping with incredulity.

"When? How? Why? What changed your mind? How did he ask you? Where did he ask you? Was it amazing?" The questions were hurled one after another in increasingly aggressive fashion, her hands curling into loose fists as they slammed against the table in steadily increasing fervor.

"Woah, slow down, Gen," I let out a weak laugh, tracing the rim of my cup in continuous circles with the tip of my index finger. She quieted for a moment, audibly taking a deep breath before slowly asking, "Just.. tell me everything. Every single detail."

My lips turned into a grimace. 

"He gave me an F on my paper to piss me off. On purpose." 

Her brow lifted the slightest increment but remained gratifyingly silent, allowing me to explain further.

"Obviously I got angry and went to confront him about it..." I trailed off, my face already reddening. She bit her lip in a visible effort to restrain herself from speaking, a growing smile lifting the corners of her mouth. "And one thing led to another and-" I cleared my throat, my volume dropping to an ashamed mumble, "And we had sex. On his fucking desk. And then I finally gave in and said that I would be with him because I have no moral backbone and I don't even regret it because I am the worst person alive."

She nodded, her smile having grown to a full, cheshire-like grin of wicked delight.

"I have never been more proud of you Alina Starkov." My lips parted in protest though she cut me off just as quick. "Who cares about these supposed morals?" she snorted, "You're not hurting anyone, you know the pretentious asshole is not going to go any easier on you in class and you both get what you want. It's perfectly harmless, and you deserve someone that wants you more than anything. And he does. So I fully support this and I will continue to be your biggest advocate because damn do you guys make a sexy power couple."

My teeth grazed over my knuckles, unable to make eye contact with her. A beat of pause.

"So how good was the sex?" she leaned forward, her smirk blatantly unapologetic.

"Genya," I hissed, a scowl crinkling the space between my brows.

"Just wondering," she shrugged, amber eyes glimmering, "He can't possibly look like that and not be a total sex god." My burning cheeks pressed into my hands, desperately trying to dispel the memory of our bodies tangled together, his name a sinful gasp of pleasure on repeat.

"There's more," I finally mumbled, even the horrible situation with Nikolai a better alternative than the current conversation topic.

"More sex?" she snickered, pressing her lips together to stifle her laugh when I shot her an especially dirty look.

"No, Genya," I pressed two fingers to my temple, the reality of my situation forming a splitting headache behind my eyes, "Nikolai kissed me while he was drunk during that movie night at his house. And I had to reject him and break his heart in the middle of the library. And I haven't seen or talked to him since." 

Now that really left her speechless. 

"What the hell am I doing?" I groaned, slumping back in my chair and glowering quite miserably at my coffee cup.

"You've become a stone cold heartbreaker, Alina Starkov," she laughed quite incredulously, "I know when I suggested a threesome it was a joke, but now you've got both men in the palm of your hand. I don't know how you did it, maybe I should build an Alina Starkov shrine to worship."

A grunt of disapproval.

"I didn't do anything, it just happened. So now I'm dating my professor and I'm not on speaking terms with one of my best friends. That's where we're at in my life."

She bit down on her lip, obviously still pleased despite my contrasting, sullen demeanor. "We can fix things right up with Nikolai, he'll be perfectly fine besides a slightly bruised ego. You just worry about dating Professor Sexy." My head bowed slightly in a begrudging nod of agreement. The rest of the world be damned, I was going to let myself be happy with Aleksander. 

"Now," she leaned forward, "How big was his dick?"

***

<< Am I allowed to ask you to dinner now? Or is that still crossing the line?

Despite his typical formal punctuation, I could practically hear the teasing edge to the proposition.

>> definitely crossing the line

The corner of my lips quirked slightly as I leaned back in my seat, subtly tilting my phone so the person sitting next to me couldn't see me casually flirting with a certain asshole professor.

<< What a shame. Because I had a fantastic restaurant in mind. 

>> i assume you're joking 

>> just because we're dating doesn't make it any less immoral, we definitely cannot go out to a fancy romantic dinner in public

<< What if I wanted to do something special for my research assistant? She's quite brilliant.

<< Not as brilliant as me, but a close second.

I snorted softly.

>> im flattered

>> still a no though

>> how about i come into the lab early today

<< That will have to suffice. 

<< For now. 

<< I will bring lunch.

>> are you asking or telling

<< Telling. 

>> look who's bringing her own lunch then :)

The typing bubble popped up, stuttering for a brief moment. 

<< Asking. 

>> thats what I thought

<< So stubborn. 

>> so presumptuous 

>> now stop distracting me, im in class

<< I would never.

***

As soon as I crossed the threshold into Aleksander's office his lips were on mine, arms snaking around my waist and pulling me into him with giddy eagerness. I could help my giggle as I briefly returned the chaste kiss, savoring the taste of him before pulling away somewhat reluctantly.

"What's for lunch?" I raised a brow, trying to stifle my amusement as he outwardly attempted to school his features back to neutral from their current excitement.

"Sushi," he canted his head slightly towards the wide array of different types of platters already out and arranged on his desk. I quickly pushed away the flash of heated memories of the less than professional things we had done pressed up against the glass only days ago.

"Fancy," I mildly responded with a level tone that made me silently proud at my own self control, promptly pushing his hands from my waist and lazily striding over to the chair opposite his. He studied me for a moment with calculating grey eyes, as if he couldn't quite figure me out. Finally, he blew out an amused breath between slightly parted lips.

"I was expecting you to say something more along the lines of 'pretentious', so I will take it."

I snorted in response, sinking into my chair and dropping my bag to the floor before snatching up a pair of chopsticks.

"We've barely even started, I still could come up with some choice words to describe you before lunch is over if you'd really like," I warned playfully, jabbing a chopstick in his direction for emphasis. He rolled his eyes, gracefully sliding into his chair and grabbing for his own set of chopsticks. The room fell quiet for a moment, my eyes intently scanning over the selection before deftly selecting a cucumber avocado roll. "So," I cleared my throat, a touch of anxiety making me hesitate, "I told Genya about us."

The tells of his surprise were subtle but noticeable by now, the slight tightening of his grip around his chopsticks, the sharp but small inhale in his chest.

"The one with red hair," he slowly worded, expression unreadable.

"Yes, Genya, she's my best friend and I tell her everything. And to be perfectly honest she's known from the very beginning about our possible involvement so there's no point in hiding it from her." I shoved the selected piece of sushi into my mouth, salt spilling across my tongue from the excessive amount of soy sauce I had dipped it in. Chewing slowly, I met his stare in silent challenge.

"I thought the Lantsov was your so called best friend," he arched a brow, a hint of sullen jealousy to his words.

"Believe it or not, I have multiple close friends," I mumbled through my mouthful of rice and vegetables, "Might be a hard concept for you to grasp though." A smirk curled at his lips, accompanied by a soft chuckle and a slight shake of his head.

"You don't think I have any friends? I'm hurt, truly, Alina."

I rested my chin in my hand, batting my eyelashes over dramatically. "Just going off of your sunny disposition and not at all pretentious nature. My bad for making such unwarranted assumptions."

He flashed a slightly crooked grin, dazzlingly white teeth on full display as he gazed at me with what only could have been described as adoration. A pink flush worked its way up my cheeks, forcing me to look away. A beat of silence.

"I like it when you get embarrassed," he determined with a mild teasing edge to his words.

My eyes rolled almost reflexively. "And why is that, Aleksander?" A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth again as he lifted one shoulder in a kind of half shrug.

"Makes you less inclined to insult me and bruise my ego even further."

The look sent a thrill of lust through me that was mildly infuriating, my teeth finding my lower lip.

"Well your ego needs to be bruised, it's big enough as it is," I cleared my throat in an attempt to cover the desire heating through my body. His head tilted slightly, silver eyes flickering over me as the humor faded from his features. 

Damn him and his attractiveness. And his intuition. 

"Oh-I almost forgot," I laughed just a touch too breathlessly, reaching down and pulling the thick sheaf of paper from my bag, "I have my finished thesis for you to look over." He hummed softly, the ghost of a smile on his lips as I offered the packet to him. He knew just as well as I what I had just purposefully dodged. My teeth continued to work at my lower lip as he took it from me, scanning over it briefly before dropping it atop the intimidatingly large stack of documents already piled high next to his computer.

"I'm looking forward to reading it, Alina." The smug look he was giving me was entirely too much. 

"You're really the fucking worst," I cursed, jolting from my seat and practically launching myself into his lap, our lips colliding in a rush of heat and lust. His grip immediately found the small of my back, coaxing my legs to straddle him wider, sending a shock of pleasure straight to my core.

"I must not be that bad if you're still inclined to make out with me," he murmured between kisses, fingers threading through my hair and stroking gently over the back of my neck.

"Shut up," I breathed, grasping at the collar of his dress shirt and roughly pulling him closer. Need twisted through my veins, my teeth lightly grazing over his bottom lip as my hands sought out the buttons on his shirt. 

But suddenly, I was too dizzy, just slightly too breathless. 

"Aleks, Aleks," I protested weakly as I jerked away, chest heaving and head spinning wildly. He tensed, his free hand lifting to cradle my cheek.

"What's wrong, Alina?"

My mouth had somehow become unfathomably dry, making it even harder to force the words out. "I'm not... I'm not feeling well."

The explanation was a miserable one, immediately making his eyes narrow with an expression somewhere between suspicion and concern.

"You're pale," he commented in an almost scolding tone, "Lack of oxygen flow. Low iron." My breath was already evening back to normal, the blurry edges of my vision crisping as the dizziness gradually dispelled.

"Thank you for your diagnosis, doctor," I sarcastically replied. His lips pressed into a thin, unimpressed line as he very obviously evaluated me, quartz eyes flickering over my features in repeated scrutiny.

"I _am_ a doctor," he agreed, lifting an eyebrow for emphasis with silent implication.

 _I_ am _a doctor and I can tell when something is wrong._

My jaw set with stubbornness. "Really, Aleks, it's nothing, I'm completely fine," I insisted, my grip winding through his black curls as I pressed a soft kiss against his lips. He hummed in clear disapproval, though he surprisingly didn't press it any further, snatching a few more warm kisses before drawing back. His attention flickered down to the face of his expensive silver watch, a small sigh emptying from his chest.

"As much as I am enjoying our current position, my other assistants will be here soon," he spoke with a touch of sullenness, fingers gripping possessively at my waist.

"We'll have to continue this later then," I smirked, causing his eyes to flash with a streak of dark lust at the implication.

"We will," he affirmed, eyes shifting briefly to his desk.

I reddened, lightly shoving his shoulder. "Maybe in a bed next time, just a wild, crazy thought."

He chuckled, eyes glimmering with clear wickedness. "Maybe I'll surprise you."

I scoffed in dismissal, swinging my leg from his lap and brushing myself off as I stood up. "You're so romantic, really, sweep me off my feet already." 

"You underestimate me, Alina."

I grasped the handle of my bag, picking it up and slinging it over my shoulder. "I would never question your genius, Professor Morozova." 

His lips quirked. "Then trust in it and get to work, Miss Starkov." 

***

"Working on the job?"

The warm, slightly wavering voice immediately made my eyes shoot up from the textbook I had buried myself in atop the cashier's desk, freezing as my stare was met with an almost nervous looking Nikolai, hands shoved into his pockets as he flashed me a weakly lopsided smile. My mouth parted, hanging open in embarrassingly speechless fashion. He cleared his throat, running a hand through the back of his slightly messy hair in a familiar tick of anxiety.

"Alina, can we talk please?" he finally asked, the question bordering on pleading. Our avoidance of one another had been an unspoken point of contention, neither of us willing to admit that whether we liked it or not, things had changed between us. My tongue trailed over my lower lip as anxiety crashed over me in an uncomfortably frigid wave.

"Okay, Nikolai." The response was a despondent sigh. He visibly hesitated before nodding in a manner that implied it was more for his benefit than mine, as if steeling himself. My fingers wrung together, fidgeting as he made his way behind the desk, pulling out the chair next to mine and settling into it with an air of caution. We sat in tense silence for a long moment, looking everywhere but each other. He broke first.

"Alina, I never wanted things to be weird between us. I'm sorry that drunk me is an ass and kissed you and ruined everything, but I can't change the way I feel. Though that doesn't mean I don't want to be your best friend anymore. Any way I can have you in my life is enough." His hazel eyes were glimmering with somber sincerity, an expression that made my heart twist painfully in my chest with something dangerously close to guilt.

I wanted to be able to love him. And I did, but not in the way that he wanted me to.

"Drunk you is definitely an ass," I allowed a bare smile to turn at my lips with hesitant playfulness, "But I don't hold it against him. I don't want things to be weird either, Nikolai, but I can't help feeling guilty that I can't give you what you want when I would do anything for you. You're.. you're my best friend." My voice was weak with dejection.

A beat of stillness.

"Alina, you should never feel guilty about the way that you feel," he sighed, his fingers lightly grazing my arm in consolation. My teeth dug hard into my lower lip, painfully slicing into the flesh.

"Well I do. And I'm sorry, because I don't want to lose you. I don't want things to be different." My eyes lifted to meet his, my head tilting in silent conveyance of apology.

He mirrored the movement. "Me neither."

A pause, before in rather over exaggerated enthusiasm, he clapped his hands together. "It's settled then," he grinned, "You are stuck with me, Alina Starkov. No take backs." I let out a scoff of mock disgust, though my mouth turned upward in a smile of my own that was instinctive.

"Fine, I accept. As much as I hate to admit it to you, I did miss you, Nikolai Lantsov."

He pumped his fist in triumph, features lighting up with the typical Nikolai mixture of excitement and wickedness. "Who wouldn't miss me, Alina dear?"

The previous tension fell away with an exorbitant rush of relief as I lightly shoved his shoulder with a soft laugh.

"So, more neuroscience," he grazed a hand over the page of my open textbook with mild interest. I nodded, my chin sinking into my hand as my eyes flickered over the page half full with scribbled notes.

"I need to do well in this damn class so my resume is as strong as possible for when I apply to graduates school, but its a shit load of work." My lips twisted into a grimace for emphasis.

He hummed agreeably before arching a brow. "Morozova still riding you?"

My breath hitched before I quickly realized his usage of the phrase was in a non sexual nature. Still, my cheeks flushed in embarrassment, my eyes casting down. "It's gotten better," I bit down on the inside of my cheek. 

I wanted to desperately to tell him everything, to have no secrets between us. But something stopped the words on my tongue as whispered fears of what his reaction would be took control in an iron grip. Above all, it was too soon. I had just rejected him, it would be throwing salt in the wound to then admit to him that I was dating Aleksander Morozova. 

"Well I'll let you work, Starkov, wouldn't want you to get in trouble with how busy it is," he smirked in mocking reference to the almost completely empty bookstore as he stood up, stretching out his limbs in a manner akin to a satisfied feline.

"What, do you have more important places to be?" I teased, grinning as he made a face.

"If by more important you mean more unbearable, then yeah," he making a gagging motion, "This stupid internship with my father is driving me absolutely insane. I'm seriously considering sabotaging something on purpose so he'll just fire me already."

I snorted. "Not your worst idea, I'll give you that. You can always blow a meeting with a client, that might do it." He tilted his head slightly, a cocky expression gracing his features.

"I've found I'm just simply too charming for such things. It'll have to be something from the inside I'm thinking."

My eyes rolled of their own accord, swiping a hand intended to hit him on his forearm, though he dodged it easily. "Well, good luck with that, trust fund, and let me know how it goes." He stuffed his hands back into his pockets, the picture of perfection as he flashed me another one of his signature smiles.

"Of course, Alina. Anything for you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)

**Author's Note:**

> as always, feel free to leave any comments/constructive criticism/praise/kudos, its why I love to write and share my stuff with you all! :)


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